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Feeling left out. Opinions pls. Okay can you help me understand this. Recently my bf's step mother told him he could come by and have a look through all his step mothers furniture and see what he would like to have. (His stepmother is moving into a old folks home, she's not 'passed'). Well, isn't picking out furniture something a couple should do together???? At first I thought he didn't invite me because I was working and it was his only free time to go over and do it, but he's put it off all week and now he's going to do it tomorrow morning, and I'm free!!!...not working:confused: I've dropped serveral ::hints:: that I'm very interesting in seeing what there is, and I've even said that we could use serveral new things and kinda given him a mental list. Oh an none of this helps since we've seen each other about 5 hours in the last 3 days cause of our opposite schedules...not even at night. What do you think of this? Should I say something? (I know I'm probably being a little dramatic about this (pms) but I'm just bothered by it cause I don't understand.) |
well... might your bf be a bit upset that his step mother has to go into a home?? i know if it was my mom i'd be very upset and maybe to you looking at her furniature is kinda like shopping for new things.. and for him it is sad... he might feel that you will have the opposite emotion from him... i'm a bit believer in talking...just ask him if there is a reason he doestn' want you to be there.. tell him you understand completely but you just wnat to know what is going on.. he may not even realize that he is leaving you out.. boys can be stupid! |
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There is one thing I have learned about men, they do not think!!!! Meaning that he may not have even thought that you would even want to go and look at the furniture. If I were you just tell him you free tomorrow morning, and since you two have not seen much of each other lately that ya'll should go have a nice breakfast before ya'll go look at the furniture. |
I agree... it's probably hard for him to have to go through all of her stuff... it's not like you guys are going shopping at a store to pick out the furniture. But if you want to come alone, you should definately just ask him. She's right... boys don't get hints.. you have to be straight up with them. lol |
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My husband is on of those guys that does not read between the lines. I use to hint around things and he would get so mad at me because he had no clue why I was upset or wanted. So, know I just tell him straight up why I am mad and what I want. I usually get a good response from him. |
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I guess that's also what I'm upset about too. He called me from work (he on night shift tonight...again!) and told me he's going to go to his dad and step mom's (who he's totally NOT close with) after work and have breakfast there, and then look at the stuff, and then his dad is going to take him to get his car fixed and then he was like, 'so i guess I'll see you around noon......or maybe you can meet us for lunch or something.' I don't think I'm going to meet them for lunch. I know that kinda being bratty, but I swear, I have dropped the big hints. I wanna be straight up with him, but I also don't want to come off as over bearing and needing to be 'attached to the hip' or something cause ususally I am very independent but as I've just moved here and haven't met many people yet he's my one and only friend to hang out with. Plus I love him. Gosh I know this sounds rediculous. I think I have pms. I'm just getting upset over this. Thank you ALL for your wonderful opinions. |
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How long have you been together? I hate to be the wet blanket here but lets look at it from the other side...maybe your BF has got the hints and he's letting you know in a nice way that he needs to do this alone. I agree that picking out the furniture should be done as a couple when you're married/living together but this is a little different...it's a family thing that may not be as easy for them as you would think...it's not like heading out to a furniture store for the day. My step-son has been with and married to his wife for at least 10 years and we've known her for probably 25 years and she's still uncomfortable when I talk about where things need to go when the time comes...it's awkward for some people. They may be closer than you realize and they could have some private issues to discuss. You said yourself you think you're PMS'ing...we all take things a little more personal at that time...if he isn't taking your hints just try to let it go and I'm sure he'll let you know why he went alone. |
....or you could say it this way..."You know I am off tomorrow morning if you wanted me to help you pick out what we needed, I wouldn't mind helping you." Maybe for some reason he thinks you might not want to go. I agree, guys don't think of this kinda stuff at all, you pretty much gotta slap in the face with it, instead of hints. And if you put it this way and he makes it clear he doesn't want you to go for whatever reason, ya'll need to talk about it, cause you need to learn to communicate now when your first starting out and the best way is just to say what you feel, of course in a non-judgemental and non-threatening way, ( I am channeling Dr. Phil, I think!!). Hope this all works out the way you want and he is just being a dumb guy and not even thinking you want to go. |
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LuvtheCooper, Rockstersmom, my2boyz,...everyone, thanks!! Maybe I should get over myself, and do some errands in the morning, and offer him a picnic lunch tomorrow at the beach. Rockstersmom, as you know, it's hard to find things to do, (even errands) in a new town where you know nothing!! Thanks everyone for helping my put this in perspective. I know I blew this up a little, but it's def. bothering me. |
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