Should I be a surrogate mother?
 

My best friend has had two failed IVF, and it seems that no matter what they try, she just can't stay pregnant. She and her husband have been our friends for several years and I love her so much. It's so painful to see her go through the ups and downs of this! My Husband suggested that maybe I could be a surrogate for her. At first, I was like, "nah..." But I have a healthy uterus and have carried 3 babies who are teenagers now. She has 10 embryos that are "good"...all they need is somewhere comfy and non-hostile to implant. They would only implant 2 of them. The more I think about it, the more I'm thinking what a wonderful gift I could give her. I don't know how many times I've told her.."if I could just pass some of my fertility to you I would!!" What do you guys think?

I don't really have any advice for you. Sorry, that's such a major decision, only you and your husband and family can make that. Best Wishes to all of you. :)

this is rignt...
I was planning to do just that for my cousin but she decided she had tried for too long and decided against it... I would have done it..
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I know how hard IVF can be...our son and daughter in law tried 4 times before it worked for them. Our DIL really had a hard time with it, she was ready to give up but tried one last time instead. We are now blessed with our 2 1/2 year old grandbrat...err...grandson...Nate.

This is a decision that only those of you involved can make...have you considered some type of counseling before it's made?
I wish you all the best.....

I agree that councelling would be a great decision...this is HUGE and will be very difficult I would imagine....if you can go through with it I say go for it but talk to a professional or maybe even some sort of support group..

Dawn

Wow, that's a big decision. Whatever you decide, I think you are a wonderful person for even considering it :)

My daughter's ex-friend's mother was a surrogate mother twice. Personally, I believe that it is a wonderful gift to give someone who is unable to have a child. I had a friend that had a hard time getting pregnant. I offered to be a surrogate mother to her. She kindly declined. She said that if it wasn't God's will to be a mother then she would accept that.

She was finally able to have a child naturally a couple of years later.

Wow that is a huge thing....best wishes in whatever you all decide. If you do it and the pregnancy results in twins have ya'll talked about both of you raising one or them raising both?

Angie

Oh, heavens no...they would have them both. That's why it would be a seemingly perfect situation. I have my family...my kids are teenagers...I don't want to raise any more kids. My husband said, "hey...if you ever start thinking about how great a baby would be, just tell yourself they turn into teenagers one day..and you'll be fine!" :)

AND...they would not be my genetic offspring. They would be their babies only..the ones they already have.

thats a huge decision to make but if you do decide to do it, what a beautiful thing for you to do! if not, you could maybe tell them to consider adoption? :)

We haven't even discussed this with them yet, because I want to do lots of research before even making the decision to offer. She has been pregnant three times. The first time was with the help of fertility drugs and she miscarried at about 10 weeks. The second two were IVF, the last one being two weeks ago...with embryos that were held a little longer in the "test tube" (not a really accurate description, but one most would understand) so the chances were supposed to be alot higher for implantation. They've come a long way with IVF, but it doesn't seem to be doing a thing for her. She had to do all the shots prior to implantation, then some really painful shots after (sorry don't know what they are all called). She went back 10 days after implantation to see if they "stuck". Her HCG levels should have been in the 300's and it was 10. This was such a huge disappointment for her, especially with all her friends and family calling her that day to see if they stuck. She and her husband will make the best parents, and I can't think of anyone who would be any better. They've been thinking about adopting from either the Phillipines (she is Filipino) or Cambodia...both are so expensive and ridden with legal issues. I just feel like I could help them...this good uterus is just sitting here...:)

Oh, I should mention this is all over the course of about 7 years! They are considering adoption, in fact could have adopted a few kids with the amount of money they've spent on the fertility specialist. The problem is that they would like to have a child/children who look like them: Filipino/caucasian. That is not an absolute, I guess...but it seems important for her. Something about the Filipino culture that maybe I don't understand.

I think it is a beautiful thing that shows just what a great person you are (and your husband) to even consider this. I believe it would be the greatest gift and act of selfless love you could give to another. Good luck with whatever you decide.

i think it is wondeful.. personally I could never do it. After having the baby in me for 9 months I would be afriad I would bond with them.

It is a wonderful and beautiful gift to give someone. But, having been a surrogate, I can tell you, it is also very very hard. As much as there is this huge upside to it, the bad part is that you still have to deal with the after effects of pregnancy and maternal instinct. Make 100% sure that you have a close support group that completely understands and is behind you.

Although, there is truly nothing more heartwarming and no more wonderful feeling in the world, then being able to give someone the child they always wanted.

Best of luck to you and your friend! If you would like someone to talk to about it, you can PM me.