A Testimony
 

A woman named Jill stood up at her church's Testimony Meeting, or as some churches call it, "Cry Sunday", one Sunday morning, took the microphone from one of the church ushers, and bared her soul to the enrapt congregation:



"I want to tell you about the awful accident that my husband, Jim, has suffered this past month. He was riding his Harley, lost control, ran off the highway and hit a tree. He was rushed to the hospital, and could have died, but thank the Lord, all he suffered was a broken scrotum."


The congregation gasped in horror. The men in the congregation were obviously uneasy and writhed in their seats. "Jim has been in terrible pain all month since the accident. He has trouble breathing.
He has trouble swallowing his food. He can hardly lift anything, he's in so much pain, and he has missed work because of it. He can't lift our children up to hold them and give them the personal love that they need. Worst of all, we can no longer cuddle and have intimate relations. He is in constant pain, a pain so terrible that our love life has all but slipped away into oblivion. I would like to ask you all in the congregation to pray for Jim, and pray for us, that his broken scrotum will soon heal and be as good as new.


A dull murmur erupted within the congregation as the full impact of this terrible accident sank in, and the men in the congregation were visibly shaken up with the thought that, "There but for the grace of God go I."


Then, as the murmuring settled down, a lone figure stood up in midst of the congreg
ation, worked his way up to the pulpit, obviously in pain, adjusted the microphone to his liking, then leaned over and said to the congregation:

"My name is Jim, and I have only one word for my wife, Jill.

That word is: STERNUM.

Hope you had a laugh...
Teri:animal-pa

LMAO although i bet Jim's not LOL

hahahahaha!! :D

:eyetearss

Thanks guys...laughter is good medicine:D
Teri:animal-pa

Funny!!!

Here's another one. . .
 

Why I fired My Secretary....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that
morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
"Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me.


As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone Happy Birthday."


I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids....
They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So
when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.


As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning
Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!

It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one obclock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You
know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what
do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day.
Let's go!"

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose
instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and
I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, it's such a
beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We?"

I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"

She said, "Let's drop by my apartment; it's just around the corner."


After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if
you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment.
I'll be right back."

"Ok." I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes; she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake...

Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers,
all singing "Happy Birthday".



And I just sat there...


.....



On the couch...

.....



NAKED.

Ha Ha Ha! That was a good one - I sent it to my brother who just had open heart surgery and thus, has a sore STERNUM! I hope he doesn't laugh too hard!!! :)

I just had two fantastic laughs! Thank you!