I need an ear to listen..................
 

I will try to make this as short as I can..sorry if it gets a little long...
last Christmas my son came home from Iraq with blood clots in his legs and ptsd ( post tramatic stress disorder) he's had 2 surgeries already, is depressed, and turned to drugs :(..let me back up a little, about a month after he was home he moved in with his babies mom as a couple.....he cant still work because of the blood clots......every week, heck almost every day they fight and argue over little things and bigger at times...each time one or the other call sme into it.......I cant tell you how many times I have got a truck to move his things, a storgae unit, for them to makeup and be ok for a short time...it is really taking a toll on me,,,,,now 3 days ago, my son finally is getting help for the ptsd, he is in a 10-12 week program which will also help him with the drug problem. anyway now there arguing again over a phone call...and they both say things they dont really mean when there fighting, so now he says he is signing out in the morning and i am to go get him.....sheis a mess, im stressing bad again theres a lot more but i dont want to bore you or make you read a book....I want to and have been there for my son through everything, but I really dont know how much more I can take....do this, no dont do it, get my stuff, no dont get it, her yelling at me him yelling to me about her omg im a mess..i guess i just need to talk about it maybe someone has some good advice for me....I dont know

and im worried about my oldest son who has cancer, had 2 surgeries already, and its still there, so he goes to a hospital in new york soon for a 2nd opinion and possibly another surgery then the strongest radiation there is...
when i went to my dr last week because i couldnt move my neck he put me on xanax again, i didnt like taking them before but this time I hope they help....I'm just a worrying stressed out mess

I dont have any advice really but I wanted to say your family is in my prayers.:D

I'm so sorry you are going throught this. You are in my thoughts. Is there a way you can force your son to stay in the rehabilitation program? It sounds like it is just what he needs. Time away from the girlfriend and time to heal.

I hope for the best for your other son with cancer, I will pray that the second opinion will provide positive results.

Good Luck to you and your family~

thank you both, no I cant make him stay...it was his idea, he asked the dr if he can please go there... and can sign himself out..and I agree he needs to be there.......

Sorry you are having to go through all this. It's so hard not to be involved when it comes to our children, no matter what their age. You and your family are in my prayers. I'm sure "He" won't give you more than you can handle.

Bless your heart, you are having a rough time. Sending a big hug your way. :hug:
My opinion is that you can only help people so much and it looks like you have reached that end with the one son. I would explain to him that this situation between him and his girlfriend and his health is taking a toll on your health and you cannot intervene between them anymore, that they need to work on their own problems without dragging you into it. Sometimes to help people stand on their own, you have to make them do it. I am sure it is hard and I wish you all the best and him and his girlfriend too. Also, hope your other son get some good news. Get well soon to all of you!!!

What a load you are carrying around. I hope you can convince your son to stay with the program and get the help he needs to get well. I will keep you and both your sons in my prayers and I'm sending you a huge :ghug:

God bless you. I wish there was something I could do to help. Just know that I'll be thinking of you and praying for you and your situation.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!

I commend you for the love and concern for your son and I am sure that he needs you but I think that you need to let him start being responsible for his behavior and seek answers for himself. I learned through a son of mine that I had to learn to "let go" and force him to grow up and be responsible for himself and his actions and decisions. I tried to rescue him through everything and I was always right there for him to pick him up. So many people told me "tough love". I finally saw how much it was affecting my life and my other children that I knew I had to give him a push and be accountable for himself. It was very hard but got easier and was very good for him also.

You have to think about yourself and your health. You also have an ill son who needs you. Put some responsibility on your son and let him know what it's doing to you and his brother. You don't need the added stress and worry.

Sorry to sound so cold hearted, but with six children and a crappy first husband, I have lived through and learned so much.

You and your family are in our prayers.

thank you for all the prayers. it is so hard sometimes....I did tell my son and g/.f weeks ago I didnt want either of them to call me when there having problems, they just dont listen..I cant cut him off completely..not now..with everuthing going on with him :(
I just dont know how to get through without cutting him off altogether..I cant do that. I mean I'm the only one who is always there for him no matter what....now that he got into drugs..when things go wrong the 1st thing he heads for is just that, unless Im right there to talk to him and change his mind... now i have had to take my phone off the hook for the night...im watching my daughters kids and the 3 year old is asleep and so is my 6 year old they both keep calling me back and forth i told them its emnough, but had to take the phone off the hook to stop it..now i feel bad that my son cant call me.... that i cut him off for the night :(

sharong how did you start to let go without totally cutting him off?....ive never had to deal with this before, my kids are 33< son with cancer, 30< daughter, 26< son with the g/f 15 and 6 ....i was and am always there for all my kids..i just dont know which way to go

I'm so sorry, you've got way too much on your plate and you're in my prayers for sure:love:

For what it's worth, I don't think that you should just "cut him off", but maybe tell him that you will always be there to listen and to maybe give some advice, but he needs to work out his own drug/girlfriend issues. I've witnessed the toll that my ex husband's drug/criminal behavior had on his parents, they were always bailing him out of trouble and rescuing him time and time again, only to be kicked in the teeth for their kindness:( To this day, they STILL send him money, meanwhile he does nothing for our son, or his two other sons he's fathered since then. Tough love is the way to go, and that doesn't mean that you have to give up on him, it just means that you have to stop doing things for him and just be supportive without getting sucked into his problems. I'm sorry that he can't work, and I'm sure that is taking a huge toll on how he feels as a man, but the drugs sure as heck aren't going to help him heal.

BIG HUGS!

Keeping you in my prayers for the strength you need to deal with so much!

I hope this morning that things might start to look up for you. I agree that you have to be firm with your son and his girlfriend that you will not listen to their troubles and tell them you are hanging up and then do so. Don't feel bad about taking the phone off the hook last night, your son was in a treatment center where he has trained counselors to talk to. Perhaps this isn't the right time for him to be there since he doesn't sound 100% invested in getting better and that is the only way it will help him. His girlfriend needs to be in counseling with him!! All treatment centers have family therapy groups. I would also tell him you will not pick him up. If he signs himself out, he will have to find his own transportation. Maybe that will make him think a little.

Please make sure you are taking care of yourself. Not being able to move your neck is because you are so stressed that your muscles are literally seizing up and freezing in that clenched position! You can be there for him without going overboard. Set your boundaries and tell him what you will and won't do and then make sure you stick to it.

I certainly hope there is good news for your other son. Thoughts and prayers will be coming your way along with a big hug!

Adult kids can stress you out more now.. than when they where little..
BUT..no matter what they are your babies...
Take care of yourself that is very important too..I wish I could have some answer for you..
Stay strong..and I am sending you prayers and well wishes..

You should check with your telephone company and see if they offer call blocking. That way, you can block a specific telephone number without leaving your phone off the hook. He'll get a message that says your number is not accepting calls right now. That way if you need your phone it is available.

I'm so sorry you're going thru all this right now and I thought about you last night and prayed for you. At least your son is in rehab. After a couple of days maybe he'll come to the realization that he's got to help himself.


Kim

I did manage to get some sleep once I finally fell asleep. I havnt heard from my son ( John)yet this morning.when he calls I am going to try to get him to stay there...and yes I agree she needs help too and have told her that...in one ear and out the other.....
he has called me numerous times in the last few weeks where i hear her yelling and screaming and i say im hanging up told you i dont wanna hear it...and i do hang up....... thank you for the replies, prayers, and advice.

I think if I remember the date correctly my son ( Gary) goes to New York on the 11th for the 2nd opinion. thank you for keeping him in your prayers.

I am so sorry that you have to go through this, sounds like you got an overload of problems. You have to take care of yourself first to be able to handle your kids problems, go to the Dr and unload on him , sounds like you need a little something to help you cope with things ! My prayer goes out to you and your Fam. Hugs

drugs are going to be hard to kick unless he WANTS to kick them - and you have my prayers...just be there for him and all the best to you. If they're calling you in the middle of the night - taking your phone off the hook is probably the best thing to do - anything he can discuss with you that's important can be done during the DAY when everyone is awake. :( :(

Poor thing - what a burden for you to carry - :( I just want to send you a hug & all the best to your son.

John just called me and before I could even say anything he told me he isnt leaving the hospital....that he needs to stay for himself..which is good..I just listened to him mostly, he said he only wants 1 phone call a day from her and short and meaningful, not arguing or it wont do him any good being there...he will call her once a day....not her calling him all the time making drama, he talked to the therapist last night about all of it and he sounds alot better today. hopefully things will calm down now a little.
he is at a V.A. hospital fot ptsd but they are also working on the drug problem.
thank you all again, it meant alot to have replies from caring friends :)

That is the BEST news you could have heard from him. Thank goodness he talked to a therapist. Hopefully he/she can continue helping him through this. See how powerful YT prayers can be?!

yes it was good news.


<See how powerful YT prayers can be?!>

Yes i see :) I know it will be rough yet, but at least HE knows where he needs to be...................

I will keep your family in my prayers! This is a big problem in the military. It is very hard when they get back. Their live has changed and it is hard to deal with everything.

yes it is hard for them, i know others who are worse off than my son that came back....I am sad for them too :( I still go on the military sites and read and email soldiers, some are so lonely breaks my heart :(

update: he is home for a week or so, and staying with me :) he has to go to an out patient program at a local v a hospital, then back to the v a in coatsville for the remainder of that program.. i dont think they know what there doing half the time there, things change so often....but let me tell you, John is in a much better mood, happy, laughing ....I didnt decorate much outside, I wasnt in the mood with all this going on, well today he said mom lets do it lol so we did he was like a little kid so happy and enjoying it....
ever see someone decorating and crying? me neither, but I was lol I hid it from him, I was so glad to see him this way and not depressed.....The meds they are giving him are working.....keep up the prayers for him and my other son Gary who goes tomorrow to new york to a new cancer dr .( we sure do appriciate them)..here is a picture of johns decorating work today :)
he wants to do more tomorrow on the roof ( i'm not to crazy about that)