Personal Question - Need Some Ideas :(
 

Ok so here is the Cliff's Notes version of my story.

My dad was dating this woman for the last 11 or so years. Her family is really screwy. Her kids are nuts and are felons; they're in and out of jail frequently. My dad has tried to help her w/ them (two boys in their 20s now) to no avail. He has gotten them jobs that they don't keep and has gone to court with her for them and have driven all over the midwest to visit them in jail. So to make a long story short, they always break up. They are always on and off with each other, but about 2 mos ago they broke up and I think it was for good this time.

Sunday was his 51st birthday and she called him out of the blue. They have been broken up for the last 2 mos. He had been a little down and out since the broke up, but nothing serious. So she calls him and wishes him a happy birthday. She asked him to come over because she has a gift for him. Ok, so he goes over there (she lives like 1/2 a block away) and she starts throwing stuff at him, including a tea kettle full of boiling water that she must have had ready for his entrance!!! I cannot believe it! He isn't physically injured or antyhing, but he got the hell out of there and has been @ home crying ever since. He hasn't gone to work this week so far and isn't going tomorrow...

I NEVER have seen my dad cry except for @ my uncle's funeral. He is totally out of sorts and really upset. I don't know what to do for him. They work together -- that's how they met so many years ago. Her son really likes my dad (even though her son is crazy) and has been calling and knocking down our door for the last 3 days since he found out that his mom and my dad are over for good.

I don't know what the hell to do for him. It is really wearing on my sanity, too. Any suggestions?

Oh Kristy, I don't have any advise. It's really hard since your Dad and her work together. Did he file a police report on her. Maybe he can talk to someone at work and tell them what has happened. Do they HAVE to see each other at work or can they not see each other. Prayers and hugs for you and your Dad.

Oh my!!!!
How sad, big hugs to him.:hug: :hug: :hug:
I can understand why you are worried, I would be too.
He has to work with her? Is there anyway to make them
not see eachother at work?
How about a vacation, can he take one?
Sounds like he needs to get away for a short trip.
As far has her son, tell him to stop coming by, or
a Police report will be made.
This is really sad, hugs to you too, :hug: :hug: :hug:
(keep safe)

Thanks for the prayers and hugs, Susan! I really appreciate it.

No, he didn't file a police report for a couple reasons - one being that we live next door to the police chief of our district (who would def hear about it if my dad filed a report) and everyone knows each other's business in my neighborhood (which is really funny since I live in a big city) and two because he thought it would make her even more crazy/mad.

Yeah, they have to see each other at work :( My dad is the boss and is her immediate supervisor. Ugh. Its such a pain in the butt! He has had this job forever and is 5 years from retiring, so there's no way he's quitting or trying to change. He'd lose his pension if he goes anywhere :(

My dad has 60 days saved up so he is taking those for a while, but they definitely need him at work soon. I guess this is just a reminder to all of us not to date people you work with!

.

Sunday was his 51st birthday and she called him out of the blue. They have been broken up for the last 2 mos. He had been a little down and out since the broke up, but nothing serious. So she calls him and wishes him a happy birthday. She asked him to come over because she has a gift for him. Ok, so he goes over there (she lives like 1/2 a block away) and she starts throwing stuff at him, including a tea kettle full of boiling water that she must have had ready for his entrance!!! I cannot believe it! He isn't physically injured or antyhing, but he got the hell out of there and has been @ home crying ever since. He hasn't gone to work this week so far and isn't going tomorrow...



:eek: That woman is nuts! I would remind your Dad that being alone is preferable to spending your time with a lunatic.....


Francie

I'm sorry for both you and your Dad Kristy...What's probably
compounding the feelings surrounding this is you get to a
point in your life where you are tired of being alone. By your
description he has been living a anyone is better than nobody
life for a long time. As far as advice I don't think there is
anything you or anyone else could say to him at this point.
With time hopefully he will realize that being alone is far
better than being involved in a toxic relationship with baggage.
Good luck to you...I will keep you and your Dad in my thoughts.

Oh Kristy, I feel so bad for your dad. Prob the best thing he can do after being off a week would be to go ahead and go back to work. The longer he puts it off the harder it'll be and work will get his mind off the situation and let the crazy woman know that she can't hurt him anymore. Tell him to hang in there and I'll pray for him. And you're right, it's not usually a good idea to date someone from work.

Kristy, that is freaking bizarre, what a whack job..but I know we occasionally fall for the whack job... That is sad about your dad,, would he ever consider going to a counselor to talk about what he is feeling and going through? If you suggested it or set it all up for him.. and just told him when to go? Think he would do that.. that is a lot to deal with, having to work together, been there, not pleasant..
Sounds like he needs to talk to someone other than family about why he is feeling bad over loosing someone that would treat him like that. Hope it works out..:(
Your Dad and I have the same birthday.;)

kristy, im feel so bad for your dad, i could imagine what your going through,
im going through the same crap with my older brother and his family and he lives in florida... it just kills me when he crys. i just wanna die.. i cry with him... i hate to see a man cry. i wish i were in his place and ive been there before... you just need to be by his side which you are and just listen, listen,listen to anything he says.. comfort him and stay close to him... he needs love more than anything right now...he is hurting more than you see..
it kinda like a death you know...feels like your heart came out of your chest and someone stomped on it... we are here if you need to talk, vent, anything.

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry for you and your Dad. He sounds like an absolute sweetheart. I would just keep listening to him and giving him a shoulder to cry on. It's better to get the feelings OUT in the open rather then keep them bottled up inside.

PS - That psycho bit*h better stay away from him and you!!

Oh, poor dad. I feel bad for him. Why in the h-ll would this lady do that? Whacko.

Only suggestion I'd have to let him talk if he wants and try to keep him occupied so he doesn't dwell on it too much. Broken hearts do mend it just takes time. Perhaps eventually when he's past it...he'll look back and see the relationship ending was the best thing that ever happened.

I feel so bad for your poor Dad.:( That must have been hard on you to see him so hurt. That lady is certainly not worth his time. Make sure to let him know what a good guy he is and he deserves to be treated better. It sounds like loosing this girlfriend and all her baggage was for the best anyways.

I know we occasionally fall for the whack job...




ain't THAT the truth.......:rolleyes:



Francie

I take it you've been there too.:rolleyes:
Live and learn.

Oh your poor Dad!
 

:( I know that when my Dad would cry on those rare occasions, it affected me like no other tears could. I know your heart is breaking for him, honey, but there isn't a whole lot you can do. Unfortunately, your Dad got himself into this situation, and he is the only one that can get himself out.

I agree, he should seek some counseling. It is possible that there may be an employee mental health program at work, and he might want to ask his HR person about that.

I am sure the worst of it is the fact that he feels that it SHOULD be over due to the negative circumstances, but he still obviously has feelings for the woman, or he wouldn't have gone over there. Then there is the fact that as long as they work together, he has to face his "mistake" every single working day. This alone would make any man completely miserable... but to be attacked like that?? OH MY!

Because he is her supervisor, is there maybe a way he can get her transferred to another department? I really think he should speak with a friendly ear in HR. If he's been there a long time, there may be a sympathetic person there he can speak with.

Gosh I hope this works out OK for your Dad! Give him loads of love, understanding, and help right now, and just be there for him. That's really all you can do.

By the way, youngster, your Dad is MY AGE!!!:p Hang in there, and all the best to Dad!:thumbup:

Sorry this is so long, wasn't meant to be.
 

I was married to a man for 11 years. Every year, close to Christmas he would tell me he wanted a divorce, so of course this did not help the Holiday season. One year when he threatened divorce, I called his bluff and said okay. He backed down. One year when he did this, he took all access to our accounts and told me I was not allowed any money, yet had to find a different place to live. I worked and so of course was contributing to the accounts. So it ended up that I was physically pulled out of the car, thrown onto the ground where he proceded to kick me in the head. The police were called. He went to jail and I to the hospital. Restraining order time. Charges dropped. We were apart for a couple of months. When he would call and want to talk, I would beg for him to come back, I would be better. Smart, huh. What is so pathetic here is that I put my children through this. He was mentally and verbally abusive. Occasionally physically abusive as well. The last time we parted, I came home, he was loading his truck with lots of stuff and moving out. I was devastated once again. This time however, when he called, I resisted the urge to answer the phone. When he would send a letter, I would return it. That was the most difficult thing I had done. It took me along time before I got over him. But I did and boy was I glad that I did not repeat my past by letting him back. My satisfaction came a few years ago. I needed him to sign a paper about the house. So we met and he was quite friendly, telling me that he and his wife were not happy and he was going to get a divorce. Then at Christmas time he showed up wanting to get together. He wanted back in my life and I could smile and say no way. I had changed for the better. He had remained the same. My family was quite concerned that I would fall for his BS, but I don't need to be hit in the head with a rock the second time around.

Please realize that your dad will and needs to go through a grieving process. It can't be rushed. My kids would get upset with me because I didn't do it fast. Each person grieves their own way. Let him do it his way. But don't leave him alone for days on end. My kids lived with me, so I did have family around. I isolated myself from the outside world. If I don't let anybody in, then I can't get hurt. Reassure your dad that he has your support. The pain and the tears will subside, I guarantee it. And at some point, your dad will realize that he does deserve better and you will see once again that the smile on his face is real, not painted on.

Sometimes, I think it is harder for those of us that are older. Will keep you and your dad in my prayers.

One thing I forgot to add. I didn't go in for counseling. I had just started a painting class that met once a week. There were times I would go and just sit and cry. And other times I would actually paint. That was my therapy. Encourage your dad to maybe take a night class, go to a gym, something that would be positive and make him feel good about himself.

Good for you for getting out of that relationship, Susan :thumbup: I am sure everyone close to you is very proud! No one deserves to be treated like that.

i just don't understand how someone could get so attached to a crazy person! persoanlly i would have called the police and had that woman's behind tossed into jail. as for the crazy sons in & out of jail well i guess they got it honestly from their crazy momma i guess she gets away with more stuff well because shes a older woman i don't know it doesn't make sense to me! he should get on with his life ! i would be VERY angry at all the years wasted but that's in the past and it cannot be changed but as for the future it's all in his hands! he really shouldn't let such people hold him back and pretty much try to ruin his life just because they can't manage thier own! i say cutt all ties immeditely.

Kristy I feel for you , nothing worse than seeing the people you love in pain , The only advice I have is this ..Men need to take action to feel better do you think you could convince him to do some charity work of some kind Or maybe get involved in a project if he is handy ? I know when people get depressed its hard to get them motivated but Action is the key ..even if he can take action in expressing his feelings he is doing something good ..but it is hard to watch and harder still to let it be ..Good luck with it all ..your dad is human broken hearts mend ..and your love can see him through .Do take care of you in this ok ..ya can't help anyone if your finding yourself without air ,,,you know what i mean ..? Sending you and yours much love and light ..Mini sends Stewie kisses ..hehe

Thankyou. And likewise, your dad does not deserve to be treated the way he is. It would have been so easy for me to give in to my emotions and let him back while we were going through our stuff, but I held my ground and that was difficult. My only advice for your dad is that he hold his ground and when she calls, don't answer the phone. If her kids come over to visit him, he should not be at home. It will be sooo difficult at first, but it does get easier. He deserves only the best.

it's been my experience that crazy people aren't always crazy 24/7. everyone has good points and sometimes we don't see it until someting "sets them off".

Doesn't exactly like she was crazy all the time to me sounds like she got really mad about something (real or imagined who knows). sounds more like a rage thing. Could it be that it wasnt' so out of the blue? If he is her supervisor could something have happened at work that she blames him for?

He is probably more upset over this breakup than the others because he knows this time it's REAL. The other times he could have thought of it as just another fight and they would be back together soon enough, but now he knows never again.

Kristy sending hugs to you and your dad :ghug: