I really need some advice!!!
 

I was married for over 11 years to my childrens father and we divorced in 2001, I remarried and so has he, my problem is his new wife! She has tried taken over my roll, like today, I had to take 2 of the kids to the dentist and low and behold her arse is waiting in the wqaiting room when I got there! There dad was at work and there was not reason she should have been there.
She belittles me in front of the kids, it's so bad that my 15 yr old wants nothing to do with her or her dad, she has asked for her last name to be what mine is, she feels my husband is more her dad, she does not want to go over to there house on the weekends and he doesent push her to come over nor does he pick up the phone and call her to just ask if maybe the 2 of them could go out and do something 2gether, she has said she dosent want to go over there for the summer this year. I feel she is almost 16 and I should not forse her to go. My 9 yr old feels the same way, but she does go over on his weekends, they have a half brother and the kids enjoys seeing him and now she is prego and ready to pop. But my middle daughter who is 11, is a daddies girl and wants to go live with them! This just devastates me, like today when we got to the dentist office she went right over to her step mom and lovied all over her and she acted like I was non exsitting, she even wanted her to go back in the room with her, she didnt go cause she said she was prego and couldnt, but hannah didnt even ask me to go. Is this normal for the middle child to act like this? This summer she has asked to spend the whole summer with them, and get this....
They have made plans for a family vacation to the beach, they got there beach house reserved and only wants to take my middle daughter and not the other 2!!! Is that not a crock off monkey poo or what???
I really don't know what to do!
Please ohh please help me!

So I guess "punch her in the face" is probably NOT the advice you're looking for, right?

Well, my opinion is that you need to address these issues with you ex...WITHOUT the new wife. I can understand her wanting to be accepted and know what's going on since she's around them...to an extent. There is a such thing as overstepping boundaries and it sounds to me like that's what she's done.

May be you should talk to you ex about his new wife without her around. It sounds like she is trying to take the step-mom role a little to far. As far as the family vacation at the beach, I feel that is totally wrong not to include the other 2 kids. Maybe the father needs a swift kick in the bottom to remind him has 3 kids not just 1 that need him.

OH, MY!!!! You've definitely got your plate full with that lady! As far as your oldest, their old enough to decide if they want to go or not. I don't know about where you live but at the age of 12 here in Texas, they can decide who they want to live with and whether or not they want to go and visit. You may want to check what the laws are in your state. God bless ya!

I'm really sorry that you are having to go through this - it sucks! The 16 year old is definitely old enough to decide. I think maybe the middle child feels more special with dad and stepmom and they may work to make that happen - you know what I mean, cater to her, etc. That sure doesn't make it any easier for you - I know it is heartbreaking to have a child say they want to go live with the other parent. i would definitely talk to ex - sans stepmom. Try to get a picture of what is going on. Even though the other 2 kiddos will not want to go on vacation, they should be invited and have be able to decline -rather than being left out. Again, this may be an attempt to get the "middle" child to feel special, that she gets to go on vacation without the other 2.

It's tough!

Sounds like she feels threated by you? unless she feels she has to fill your shoes, and I think maybe the reason she is only inviting your 11 year old is because she feels this child does except her, and she knows the other two don't. I have been a step parent twice and each marriage w/stepchildren I ran into the X-wife problems you are trying to deal with now and frankly to be honest with you I would not want to take my stepchildren that didn't want to be around me on my vacation, sorry to put this out there, but sometimes the stepchild can make it difficult for the new wife, and for some reason it is reversed when it's a stepfather? and it also works the other way as well?? I know this is difficult but what I did was kill her with kindness... :rolleyes: good luck...

Blessings

Your 11 year old is a typical middle child and at the perfect age to know just which buttons to push and has no conscience about pushing them. That will just take time and patience, and not letting her know she is pushing your buttons.

As for your "wife in law" I would also suggest that you talk to your ex about this all alone. You may also want to consider family counseling. But keep in mind that your ex might be just has hurt by your oldest daughters rejection as you are by the middle childs rejection.

Ok well I am also divorced and are re-married and have 2 of my own and 2 step kids. I would say this , for her to intervine like showing up at the dentist office, she is trying to piss you off. I don't even care to be in the same room with my husbands ex, this is his position. As close as I am to my step kids I would never dream of replacing thier mother as she is trying to do. If she has been close or brain washing your second child, they will figure this out for themselves one day , but I would make sure she treats ALL your children equally. I know this is trying but I have learned the kids need to see for themselves and they will.
good luck!!!