HELP! S/O addicted to clash of clans (aka CoC)
 

I'm so sad and frustrated. My fiance started playing this blood sucking game last summer. He never played video games for three years since we went out. At first when he picked it up, it was because he wanted to 'bond' with his little 11 year old cousin. He said the game was lame and that it only required a few minutes everyday to play.

Now, he's got three devices which he carries with him everywhere he goes (the toilet, work, dinner outings, dinner at home). He's gotten all his friends to join his 'clan', which consists of his friends, his cousin's elementary school kid friends, and his coworkers. During dinners with his family, I just sit beside him like I'm non-existent and he talks to his cousin about the game for the entire night. During dinners with his friends, they are all talking about the game.

I complained about the amount of time he commits to playing this cyber game, but he just lashes back and says he is 'hardly on it' and that I'm always on Instagram or just doing other stuff on my phone. I try to say that it's not the same (I don't NEED to be on my phone), but he says that I have my interests on my phone and he has his. He also claims it's just a game and over 22 million people have downloaded this fun game and everyone plays (so it's 'normal').

I'm scared. I look up clash of clan addiction on Google, and all these people write about how their S/O have been addicted to this dumb game for 3 or 4+ years and have spent hundreds or thousands of dollars on it. I read these people married these CoC-addicted S/Os and nothing gets better and only worse - esp when the kids come along.

It sounds dumb to not wanna marry someone because of a game...but I've voiced my concern so many times, it's become 'nagging' and he doesn't want to hear it and I don't want to see him play it.

I'm so lost and dunno what to do. HELP :'(

First - it does *not* "sound dumb" to be concerned about this. Addiction / loss of control can come in many forms...and really, addiction to these games and/or the internet I think is a very real thing now - there's just no official diagnosis for it at this point.

I guess I'd recommend you both go to a psychologist / counselor together so that you're not the only one with a view to the relationship and the concerns. A counselor can help get your concerns voiced and heard in such a way that can be very helpful. Do you think he'd be willing to go?

How about a test? Since he's claiming you're always on instagram and/or doing other stuff on your phone, you both stop instagramming and CoCing for.. lets say a week?

If this doesn't work, than perhaps take Ann's advice on counseling.

Thanks Ann!! As always, I love any words-of-wisdom advice you offer! ❤ It's so true though: technology is so new, there's no official diagnosis right now. These games were made in a way to get people addicted. It's really awful...

I'm not sure he's willing to go counselling for this alone, seeing that he doesn't think there's an issue. But we recently got engaged, so maybe we can go to a marriage prep counselling course and I can bring it up.

I'm not sure a 'test' would work. It's not possible for him to put his phone away and feel disconnected from the world, for even half a day or a few hours. I'll maybe try the counselling approach...and hopefully that'll go somewhere.

Ah, the reason I was suggesting a "test" was to show your SO that there indeed is a problem. Sort of like a smoker/alcoholic in denial. "I can quit any time I want."

Ah, I know him oh too well :P
"Tests" don't get him.
To prove he's not in denial, he might just not play for a week to prove his point that he's not addicted. Somehow, he's got a lot of self-control, if he wants to. I think he doesn't think he's hurting anyone by playing his innocent game...

Those online massively multiplayer games can be enormous time sinks. I used to work for a video game company and you wouldn't believe how many of my coworkers would just go play World of Warcraft in all their time away from work. Even my boss.

I agree that this is a legitimate concern. Most people I know, including myself, have a slight addiction to being online. When it interferes with living life and relationships, then it is a problem.

When my home internet connection goes out, I get very anxious. However, I'm not a mobile internet user. When I leave the house, I'm offline and focused on whatever I'm doing. Maybe if I were on the go more like I used to be when I lived in the city, I would be more apt to use my phone. But not when I am in a social setting and should be enjoying company.

Very true. I also became addicted to Facebook and thought I was wasting too much time caring about what other people were up to, so I deleted my account. Before, I would think it rude to pick up my phone at the dinner table to look at stuff. But somehow...sometime, maybe due to the influence of my fiance, I find myself not thinking much of it anymore. I look around at other ppl's dinner tables and see people, young and old, all looking at their phones, whether some or everyone at the table. It's sad that it's become a norm. It's scary to think how little face-to-face attention we'll be giving each other in 5 or 10 years...

Technology has been great, informative, efficient, but it's kind of sucking our attention away from what's real and what's in front of us and our surroundings! And it seems, there's not much we can do about it, when everyone else is doing the same...:(:confused::(

He's addicted to COC lol. Sorry I couldn't resist. My bf plays that game. He started with that one and whenever he was battling no one could speak to him. Then I went home to see my family for Christmas or something and I was talking to my brother and he's like "Shhh! Battling!" Same game! Now bf is into Vain Glory. He's pretty into that game. But he's not really online in other ways. However if your whole life or all of your spare time is spent on this game, or any ONE thing, that can def be a problem.