Opinions on Christmas Gift Etiquette??
 

I'm looking for some unbiased opinions on the expectations surrounding Christmas gifts and I figure you guys are a good group to ask! :)

On my father's side of the family, I have six cousins (three of them are actually "step cousins") plus my brother. Between the seven of these people, there are a total of six kids (one of them is my brother's). So, I've got a niece and five second cousins coming to Christmas this year all under the age of 7.

Obviously, I intend to purchase gifts for my niece, which would be given to her at a more intimate family gathering that includes just my parents, husband, brother & his wife. What are your thoughts on buying gifts for the other five kids that are my second cousins (children of my cousins)?

Below are a few more details about the situation that may or may not be relevant to your opinion:
-I have never been incredibly close to my father's family, and the three step cousins rarely attended holidays during my childhood/teenage years.
-I have not purchased gifts for these kids in the past and do not always make it to this Christmas gathering every year.
-All of these families (excluding my brother) are significantly wealthier than I am.
-As a child, my second cousins never bought me Christmas gifts but they also did not join our family Christmases.
-I have no children of my own, so I cannot gauge the other parents' expectations since they have never been in a position to buy my children gifts.

Sorry for the length, but I'm have a moral dilemma here! :) Thanks so much for your thoughts/opinions!
-C

Personally I don't think you NEED to buy them gifts.... Im sure they will receive gifts from others that are closer with them that day. One year I was feeling particularly generous and not so broke, so I got all the kids things like $10 gc to itunes, dairy queen, movie theatre, Burger King or Wendys, etc... just a token really. I also didn't buy them toys because kids want to immediately open toys and start playing and to have 10 kids all playing with a different toy in the house when we are trying to prepare for dinner and stuff was going to be too much chaos.
Another year I bought the 'hottest' video game that year so all the kids could play the video game out of the way of dinner prep, but noone got to take it home, it was a game that I kept at my house for future visits. But the kids all had a blast while they were there and felt like they got something.

I wouldn't purchase gifts for your cousin's kids... That seems a little much, especially if you do not have kids that they are purchasing gifts for. This is just my opinion. Those kids will get a ton of gifts from other people, I do not think they will even notice they didn't receive anything from you :)

I buy for my neice but not cousins kids I dont think there is any expectation for you to buy for them

I would buy gifts for all the kids. I feel Christmas IS for kids, and the nice thing is they are so easy to please, any little gift will do. It doesn't have to cost much at all.

The real gift is in the "giving", and you should get great joy in "giving" especially when it isn't expected. Again, kids are so easy to please, and they get excited over any little thing.

To me, no, I wouldn't think it's a big deal. I typically like to buy for my immediate family ... I have two seperate Christmases, one with dads family, one with moms. So I just buy for my two siblings (8 and 4), my mom and stepdad, my dad and stepmom, and stepsister. Oh and I do get something for my grandparents on both sides. But cousins, etc... the list would just get soooo long, LOL. I never got anything from relatives that I rarely see. But, I'm still a "kid" myself, so my viewpoint may be different than most. I'm a colleged aged student so most don't expect too much from me, but everyone still gets ME gifts even when they don't get the other adults. lol.

I have found the opposite with kids today... They expect a lot more. I remember as a kid, getting a little chalkboard shaped like an apple from a secret Santa exchange and I thought it was the coolest thing ever.

Maybe I am just jaded... I have some spoiled nieces and nephews :p Brats lol

AMEN!! My granddaughter will be 9 by the time Christmas comes around this year. Her wish list from us is an iPod or an iPad:eek:
I buy for my sisters grandkids and all the nieces and nephews are grown with children of their own. I have never bought for cousins.

Given that this is the first time you are sharing Christmas dinner at your home; then I don't think it is either expected or warranted to "buy" all the cousins gifts for Christmas.

I do like the idea of a "hot" video game the kids can play with.... gives them something to do, and keeps them out of the way:)

You could hang a token gift on the tree.... personalized chocolate Santas or candy canes.

My 'kids' are all grown...I still buy for them, my twin neice and nephew get something from auntie Jacqui, those are my baby sisters' kids and we are close so I buy for them. I have two other sisters and a brother. Brother lives in NY and his daughter, and granddaughter live in Atlanta...nope nothing for them, another sister lives in Baltimore with her hubby and two kids, sorry nothing for them either...last sister lives not too far from me, but I haven't spoken to her in years, so no, nothing.
I have dozens of cousins and they all have kids, but I don't buy for them either.
It would be waaay to expensive to buy for everyone...for me anyway, so I limit my gift buying to those I'm closest too, that includes my God daughter.
If you aren't particularly close to your second cousins I don't feel you are obligated to buy for them...they will get plently from other members of the family. JMO

If kids are coming to my home to open presents, I have something for each child, even if only a token gift of some kind but wrapped with a gift tag. If they are just coming for dinner and no one else will be opening presents while they are there, I wouldn't worry about it.

Thanks so much for the replies! I'm leaning towards not buying for them. The event isn't at my house and we've never done your typical "everybody sit down and open gifts" thing before so I don't think it will be glaringly obvious if I don't buy for them. Another thing is that you don't always know which kids are going to be there every year. So I would run the risk of buying for everyone and half of them not turning up because of the distance their families have to travel.

I don't mind being generous but it is hard to buy for kids who are not appreciative and already have more than they know what to do with. I can't afford to buy them all new ipad4's!!! :)

Also, Brit, the age thing is sort of my issue too! I am 28 but I got accustomed to being considered too young to be expected to buy gifts and I've never been able to figure out when exactly that expectation changes! Mostly because I don't have kids and I've always seen that as the turning point between childhood and adulthood! I don't want to grow up! :D
-C

I really enjoy giving gifts, so personally, I would jump on the opportunity. That's just me, though. Maybe a stocking with some candy and something small that all kids enjoy, like those puzzles where you have to get all the rings through a maze or something. Then you can just buy a generic amount, and not have to worry about if someone doesn't come.

OR, buy a puzzle (3D, maybe?) that they can all work on for some adult quiet time.


PS -- I think 30 is the age where people start expecting real adulthood. ;)

PPS -- I think it might be embarrassing if some of these families bring YOU gifts, so again, I'd recommend have a backup plan. Play-Do is super easy.

You can always have chocolate santas under the tree for them. Something yummy always goes over well and then you can send them all home all sugared up

I also love giving gifts so would do something. However, I wouldn't spend $50 on each kid... Instead, I would do something small. Like a make a Christmas cracker and fill it with little things (depending on the age) and candy. That way they have something and if it does continue in the upcoming years, it's not hard to do and inexpensive (probably $20 for the lot)

Man this makes me realize how much I hate christmas time.

I love buying but seems more is always expected :rolleyes:

I love Christmas but I feel like the whole reason for the season is lost on kids these days. We are expected to buy gifts for everyone and GOOD gifts at that!

A couple years ago, we had Christmas with my parents, my brother and his fiance, and my neices. My husband and I bought the girls some books and some barbies and different outfits for their barbies. The books? Opened them, tossed them over their shoulder, and grabbed a new present. They barely looked at the barbies. At the end of it all, they had two huge tubs full of toys and books and games and clothes and didn't even have a clue about half the things they got! We (as well as my parents) said never again... it's just not even appreciated! This year we are going small - I am going to spend under $20 for each of them. I don't mind buying something for them because we are very close and my husband and I spend as much time as we can looking after the girls and taking them to events and things whenever my brother isn't able to.

It is the same on my husband's side of the family. His sisters have children, but we don't. They decided last year that instead of buying gifts for each other (the siblings), they should just spend money on the kids instead. So they bought for each others' kids, and we bought for all of the kids, and of course, we don't have kids to buy for! I know Christmas shouldn't be about receiving gifts at all, but it just seems a little unfair that we are expected to shell out the money anyway. I guess I just hate the expectation.... My parents always tell me not to buy them anything but I do because I want to. And I don't expect them to buy me anything but they always do. But if they didn't, I wouldn't be upset.

I hate that Christmas has become all about what you GET!

Sorry I went off a bit :) To the OP, I don't think I would go out and buy gifts... I feel like maybe that might start an expectation that wherever the kids are for Christmas, they should be getting gifts from everyone. And who knows what to buy kids these days anyway - what they have, what they don't have, what they want.... why not bake some Christmas cookies for them or something like that? It is cheap and everyone likes cookies! I also like the idea of an activity that stays at your place, but they get to use it while they are there!

I just want to add one more thing - when I was little, I NEVER got gifts from extended family. My parents would buy one or two gifts, my grandparents would buy my brother and I one gift each, and we'd get 4 or 5 from Santa! I never got gifts from aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. Things were much simpler back then lol! Now we are expected to send gifts to our neices and nephews for Christmas and birthdays even if we won't be seeing them!

I am 28 and already talking about the good ol' days and how much the world has changed since then LOL :rolleyes:

EXACTLY. We always spent Christmas at aunts, uncles and grandparents but we never got anything and never expected it. Then once my aunts started having grandchildren did Santa start showing up and huge presents were given (:eek:). That's a whole nother story though.

But, yes, it's definitely all about what you get. It's why I don't like to buy actual gifts and would prefer to just do something little or handmade. And even the latter isn't always the best because kids do not appreciate handmade.

Now, I'm not saying ALL kids, just the vast majority of ones I've met and worked with. And I have worked with thousands of kids...

Anyway, do what you feel you should do. But I don't think it should be big or else it will be expected.

I will agree that I hate buying gifts for people I don't know super-well, and I hate receiving gifts from those same people. Every so often I'll stay with extended family over the holidays, and it seems so pointless for everyone to spend money on things that are almost certain to be unwanted/not the recipient's taste.

At the same time, I always keep backup gifts jic I receive something unexpectedly, and you can go really cheap with kids. Some candy and a 2-pack of play-do in funky colors for each child, and done. Also, if they are all under 7, I wouldn't really worry about whether or not they liked the gift. Christmas really is for kids, and no matter what, ALL kids love the excitement of a present and getting to unwrap it. They may not be appreciative or polite about it, but you will have added to their happy memories nonetheless. :)

I feel the same way, and seeing the excitement of kids at Christmas is my favorite part of the holiday. Last year I bought the most adorable small Ty Christmas stuffed toys, assorted Santas, snowmen, reindeer, holiday cats and dogs, etc.; they were on sale at Walgreens for $3, so I got 25...for my granddaughters classmates. Those 7 year olds LOVED them, and played with them all afternoon. I got extras to have on hand in case other children come over, and they are always a hit.

I get a lot of pleasure out of giving, and being thoughtful, and it doesn't have to cost a lot for some little present.

If you can afford to then I would buy little thoughtful gifts. There have been years when I bought just about every child in my family (even cousins kids) gifts. There have been years that I haven't bought anyone anything except for my own and immediate family gifts. It just depends on how I feel that year and if my pocket book can handle the pain. lol But I get a wonderful feeling when giving. And not just for Christmas, so that is just me. Either way I think you should do what you feel like doing. Don't feel obligated. :)

Do I think you are morally obligated to purchase gifts for the five second cousins -- no I don't. However I do believe that Christmas is a magical time for young children. If it were me, I would definitely purchase a token gift for the five - something inexpensive and fun. Perhaps a 1 lb. candy cane, a beanie baby, etc.

My personal belief and one that I have always tried to teach my children that the true Spirit of Christmas is about giving to, not receiving from others.

A gift should come from the heart, and not feel like an obligation, nor be a financial strain.

I get so much pleasure out of giving, and even more so when it is not expected.

My thoughts exactly!!