social skills
 

I have a friend.. she and her husband were neighbors of our from a house we move from about 10 years past. We have kept in touch and they are the very best people you could find. Very loyal, helped me when Alan was so sick and all. But...

They do not have social skills! I love them so I just have to laugh most of the time. I vent.. and forget!

We moved a few months ago and I needed help arranging my furniture. A lot of my furniture is large and heavy. They - yes they are THAT nice-- cam over last week and we unpacked and moved almost everything.

I invited them to dinner last night as a way of saying THANK YOU!! This is the funny part... I get a text from her on Thursday asking me what was for dinner because her son (23 year old) didn't know if he wanted to come ..it depended on what I was serving:eek: I said .. chicken. I know it was mean of me not to go into more detail but geeezzzee

Then on Friday she called and said her son could not make it till 8:30 or 9:00.. inplying we could wait dinner.. I said we could fix a plate-- she asked me to be sure not to put sauce on his... then I told her I was making a casserole with mushrooms and artichokes.. she said "don't bother . . he wont like it"

Is it me? Is that odd? They showed up without a "hostess" gift (I always take a bottle of wine or a dessert or salad) they ate so much there wasn't any left for their son lol

Ok.. don't venting.. I do know they are great people, just don't have social skills.

lol, i can feel your frustration. I think sometimes people juat think differently than others. Even if the son is super picky, his parents shouldn't have said such things to you. They probably should have just come *with a gift* and made up an excuse for why their son couldn't come

haha! Or maybe your cooking was so good they forgot all about their son!

Hostess gift... yeah, no excuse...

Picky kids.... sometimes they're better off left home than to ruin a meal with their whining!

I always told my kids, would I really fix anything that didn't taste good? It may taste different, or not what you really like, but does it taste all that bad?

Very sweet folks for helping you unpack though!:thumbup:

This "kid" was 23 years old though :eek: I was married with a child of my own by then :D

Some people never "get it", and yet others have one set of manners reserved for "strangers' and formal social settings and another for close friends. Maybe they just place you in the close friend category like I do :wink:

Exactly! 23 and still doing that?!!? :eek: Would you have done that at 23?!!? :eek: :D

I remember once, my EX husband was invited to my parents house for dinner (I think to discuss the divorce aaargh). He said "What will we be having for dinner" (?!!) - my mum said casserole, and he said "No thank you, could we have roast chicken instead?!!? :eek:

By the way, she said no - he didn't go - and they haven't seen him since...:D Sally x

yes.. you are my friend.. but you have "manners". I make mistakes, we all do.. I just though this was funny. I know they just "don't get it" they are not bad people at all.. in fact if we all had friends as loyal as they are we would be lucky.

I love the "former neighbors" in my own way. But I still just *sigh* and shake my head. The son.. the 23 year old son who has never had to worry about money nor has lived anywhere else and I really believe has never dated and who's mother thinks my 25 year daughter who is as beautiful as a model and very is very smart would be a good match (like really??? do you really think so???)... is a nice kid but I just hope gets some... uhmm social skills.

Hmm. I don't see how that's lack of social skills. You've known them for over a decade and are good friends - assuming you'd obviously know their son, why is it wrong to ask what's for dinner since he's a picky eater? It'd be different if they were turning down your offer completely bc they wanted to know what you were making for themselves, but it was jus a simple question. If you're friends with someone you should be able to ask questions freely, right? It's not like you just met and it's rude of them to ask. They already went out of their way to help you and this is your thank you gift to them for helping you so why do they need to bring you a gift to thank you for thanking them? Doesn't make any sense to me.

You are right... I am making jest at my former neighbor’s expense. I guess Ithought it was safe to do so here because never in a 100 years would they seethis.

Of course when telling a short story parts are always missing. The son isnot a picky eater. We have never been invited to their house for dinner, andvery few times have they been to our house. Whenever we go out to dinner theson comes along. Sorry.. not sure if that is even healthy for his age (in my opinion).I fed them the night they came over to move, and another night they just showedup (take out because I wasn't prepared to feed 3 additional people).. you areright it is ok to ask what is for dinner.. but this feeling it was being"judged" just hit me wrong. And to ask to delay the dinner to 9:00for the son because the time the invitation was set was inconvenient?

It was my error to let it bug me. I vented here to just get it off mychest..and not let it become an issue between us. As far as to the amount offood I served... It was my error on the third night because I should have beenbetter prepared.

I am sorry if I came across as mean spirited and ungrateful, but I am sorryI still think they "bent" a few social rules.

Boy, you are right about the missing social skills, lack of tact or sensibilities in dealings with others' feelings & awareness of proper etiquette. Some folks are just missing the Miss Manners' gene! But a good heart, giving nature & being there to lend a hand when needed can cover a lot of absent P's & Q's, can't they?!?!

you are right.. I had to sigh.. but I rather have a friend who is loyal then knows "Miss Manners" back to back.

I guess I was feeling a litte guilty have a "laugh" at my friends expense.. but I knew they would never see this.

Now.. Of course...I can't talk about lisa..she may see it!!:eek:

They kind of sound like some of those rugged prairie type folk you see in John Wayne movies. Salt of the earth but don't expect any of the little frivolous niceties we city folk live by, huh? I didn't take that you were ragging on them at all - just a bit put off by the total lack of tact while totally loving their other wonderful qualities.

I didn't read it as you being negative. You are aware of, and appreciate their great qualities. Even the best of friends have quirks about others that bother them (:rolleyes::rolleyes:)


I will see it ~ and feel free to talk about me all you want, I can take it :wink:

well.. they are from Nebraska!


lol.. don't worry it would be all good:rolleyes:

Don't get me wrong, I think it is beyond weird for him to be so attached to his parents at 23. I'm 24 and I wouldn't tag along with my parents for a night with their friends. Maybe that's just me, but I think that would be the general consensus for people in our age group. It's weird, for sure. Obviously I don't know you or even seen your posts before, it just came off as a bit ungrateful to me, BUT I did forget about them insinuating you should wait until 9 to feed them. Of course you think your daughter is beautiful and smart, no mom will think their kid is stupid and ugly, and I'm not saying that she isn't those things, I'm sure she is, but it just seemed mean to me to be like oh my daughter is superior to him bc of her intelligence and looks so why should she date their loser kid? Not your words, of course, but that's how it came off to me. I didn't mean to make you feel guilty, I just sincerely didn't understand why everyone was outraged at something so petty that I honestly didn't even feel there was anything wrong to begin with. No shame in venting, we all need to from time to time. I don't know you or them, just my objective view on the situation. With that being said, I was under the impression that you were closer friends, not that you had never been to their house and they had only been to yours a few times. Or that their son always comes along to your dinners together. Dude needs to get a life of his own, lol, so maybe they were just hoping your daughter could help. Who knows. Just my opinion. Like I said, didn't mean to make you feel guilty so sorry if it came off that way.

Dont feel bad I have inlaw relatives that have the social skills of a baboon and Hubby knows and agrees with it