I quit I am sure that I am not the only wife and mother to make this decision. I had an epiphany this weekend. I work three days a week and have four days off, in a row. For the last four days I did laundry and cleaned. This morning while getting ready for work I looked around me at the dirty dishes piled up in the sink, the spills on the counters, the crumbs and spills on the floor and in each room of my home various messes and I decided to give up. My DH and I are both very clean people, we work hard to take care of our home but my DD is a walking disaster area. I have tried everything in my power to get her to change her ways and have failed. When she was in Utah in treatment our home was spotless. I cleaned less than an hour each day and my home was always clean and comfortable. When she returned that all changed. She firmly believes that she is not messy and just cannot see what she is doing. I am tired of cleaning and fighting. I have been trying to work towards starting my own business and instead of building an inventory I am cleaning my home, for nothing. My DD is almost 18 and most likely will be on her own in the next couple of years. When she is on her own I will once again have the clean home that I love. So instead of continuing on being stressed out and tired I have decided enough. I have the right to enjoy my life and I'm not. So the next days off will be devoted to sewing and crafting, I am going to start taking care of me. Anyone else made this choice and how did it go? |
sounds like a good choice to me. i stopped obessesing a couple of years ago myself. im ocd on wanting my house clean but my dh and my dd not so much. now on my weekends i do as i please. if i feel like cleaning i do....if not i leave it. life is too short! yay for you! |
I like a clean house but I dont obsess over it. If I have a few dirty dishes so what. Im not living to clean my house. I keep it straightened and I do cleaning everyday but I also take time to do crafting and things I enjoy also |
Good for you, lady! You absolutely have to allow yourself some YOU time. And, I'm sure you know allllll about boundaries, since you've been so involved w/ your daughter's health care. Boundaries have always been tough for me (much better now!), and with what you've gone through...it's got to be hard to not caretake. How is she doing, btw? Do you think Utah made the difference for her? I sure hope so; I've thought of her several times. |
I don't remember when my ah ha moment actually was, but being a mom who worked outside the home, my time with my kids and family was pretty precious to me. I wasn't going to give it up for a clean house. Like you said, one day they will leave home and when that happens you'll have time to clean it up and have things just the way you want them. So, while your daughter is sorting out her future, take that time for yourself and enjoy. |
I used to spend my entire days off cleaning and doing laundry...etc. I missed out on so much when my kids were little, because I thought it had to be done, no exceptions. You get older and you get wiser:p I keep things picked up because I still can't stand clutter, but if I get my house cleaned on my day off, YAY, but if I don't who cares:D Life is to short to waste all your time on making sure there isn't a speck of dust in the house. |
Thanks guys :) I always worry about making sure that the house is clean and worry that if someone came over they would think I am a slob but my friends know that I am a clean-aholic and really if someone were to judge me for something so stupid then let them. I am actually so bad that I get up in the middle of the night quite often and clean the house, now that's just crazy! The reality is that with the exception of an hour or so after I clean the place always has a lived in look anyways lol. So I will keep my room and my sewing room the way that I like and for the rest of it I'll do what I can but no longer at the expense of my happiness. It's wonderful to know that others have been at this particular crossroads and that you all seem happy with your decision. |
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:thumbup: :thumbup: I quite agree with you!! :D And as my very close friend always says "Life is far too short to stuff a mushroom" !!!!! :rolleyes: :D |
After cleaning for 30 plus years and seeing as I'm still not done, I gave up on having a Martha Stewart house. My decor now is considered the "lived in" look. If someone would ever say the floor needs swept I tell them the broom is in the closet and the soap is under the sink, knock yourself out..... |
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My 20 y/o is a walking disaster - you can literally tell where he has been in the house by the mess that is left behind. I don't clean his room or do his laundry. I have someone that deep cleans for me twice a month - but not his room. It ticks me off that he doesn't respect our things or our house. DH told him that if he was going to have the responsibility of a 14 y/o then he would be treated as such - as in - you can't go anywhere until the room is clean etc. If that doesn't work then he can start paying his cell phone bill and after that it's car insurance. I know that I created this monster by not making him do chores at a young age. If I could do it all over again, I certainly would. It makes me feel better that I am not the only one who deals with this issue. |
My DD was always made to do chores and help out but as she has been ill for the last few years that all fell to the wayside and no matter what I do it looks as if nothing is going to change much so up goes the white flag lol. I will still be having her do chores but just like your son it's wasy to tell where she has been. To highlight just how messy this girl is she was at her friends house and they baked a cake. I was talking to the friends mom about how messy my girl is and was told that my DD was banned from cooking at their house. She said that one month later and she was still finding cake batter.... it was even on the ceiling. So I can't compete only give up. Thakfully the friends mom loves my daughter lmao. Its amazing how many other people are dealing with the same problem! Guess its true that misery loves company because its so nice to know that I am not alone :) |
Because of this, my children have their own cup, bowl and plate. They are responsible for those dishes. I do not wash them, or do anything with them. They are not allowed to use the dishwasher to wash them, nor are they allowed to put them in the dishwasher for me to wash. If they are hungry and their dishes are dirty, they either have to clean them or they don't eat. They also have their own laundry day. They are only allowed to use the washer and dryer on their day. I got tired of having to rewash their laundry after it sat in the washer and soured, or rotate their laundry in order to do my own. If they don't wash clothes on their designated laundry day, they either don't have clean clothes or they can use their own money and take them to a laundromat. It may sound mean, but in my opinion, they are going to be on their own someday and need to learn that a magic fairy doesn't swoop down and clean up their messes and cook their meals and wash their laundry. That being said, I don't require my children to clean the house, vacuum, wash my laundry or anything I would have to do myself if I didn't have kids. I do not believe that my kids are free housekeepers for me to use to my advantage. I do clean everyday, I am OCD about my home being clean. My kids are 18 and 15. |
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