what to do about Niece
 

My niece Samantha is morbidly obese and I am very concerned about her and her situation. She is 8 yrs old and weighs 190 lbs. Her doctor has told her Mom that her heart cant support that kind of weight she has to lose weight. She gets picked on at school because she is so much bigger than the other kids. Her parents are overweight also and her Grandma. Even with what the doctor has told them the parents are still taking her to buffets and getting tons of food for her. Her Grandmas does the same thing orders her alot of fatting type of food. We have asked Samantha if she is on her diet and she says no but Im taking gym 3 days a week. Taking gym 3 days a week but still overeating isnt going to do a thing. We have tried to help, My husband is on a diet and has dieting experience and said he would help her. We have offered for her to come down and walk on our treadmill or get on our ab machine. We have offered to take her on mini marathon walks. No matter what we offer the parents have an excuse why they cant do it. The Mom said a while back she enrolled her in a class for obese children but so far she hasnt went. I dont know what more I can do Im so worried samantha is going to have a heart attack. What would you do

omg that is a very hard situation with the parents showing her the road. wow i dont know what i would do. short of you going and picking her up and making her do these workouts.....not sure there is anything without mom and dad on board to enforce better exercise and eating habits. good luck i hope it takes a turn for the better.

I know I just wish there was some way to convince the parents to get on board. Im afraid its going to take something really bad before they do get on board. It is just really hard for me because 20 years ago My 7 yr old Son passed because he had a genetic heart problem. So I really know the importance they should be putting on this

That poor baby:( IMO parents should be held accountable. I know that with most obese children it has a lot to do with genetics, along with diet and exercise or lack thereof. But a child that young can't drive to the restuarants or purchase her own food. It is such a sad situation. Maybe when school is out invite her to spend a few days a week with you. You and your DH could get her started exercising and eating healthier.
It will be hard if her parents and grandparents aren't trying to help her. {{hugs}} to you for trying to change her life and her future.

Oh Chachi I know how hard this is, especially when you care about the child. I am going to offer advice to you based on my experience in my job. I have seen these cases and people like you come here and beg for help for their niece, nephew, grandchild...because they feel so helpless, what I have found and what I believe and what i counsel them to do is call SOCIAL SERVICES HOTLINE (often because of my work I am mandated to do this as well). There is nothing to fear by calling them, usually its a blessing in disguise. The cases you hear on the news of bad experiences are far fewer than the good they do everyday.

You can call anonymously, explain the situation to them. It is a difficult decision but I believe warranted. They are not going to go drag that child from her home, they are going to go make the parents etc., accountable and compel them to do what is best for their child.

I truly am sorry that your probably not liking my advice but ChaChi for the good of this child and her LIFE, please do the right thing, you have tried everything else.

Your a wonderful caring Aunt, please continue to support her, often the children in these situations need people like you, she hears you....God Bless and good luck..

I agree with you but if I did they would know it was me. My Sister in Law is a real case and a couple of years ago she would scream and terrorize my daughter and I threatened her with calling CVS. I dont have a good relationship with the parents neither does my husband even though it is his brother and his brother works for him and they live 2 houses down. We really dont have a relationship with the parents but we do with Samantha and all this information we are getting about her is coming from the Grandma. I would call them for Samanthas stake but it would cause a big rift in the family and between MY Husband and I

i am very sorry for the loss of your son. i cannot even imagine how much this is effecting your heart. i will keep samantha in my thoughts hoping she will realize the importance of her health and a path for her to jump on board to be more healthy for her own well being.

sorry, this might not be waht you want to hear but exercise will not really help in this case. the amount of exercise she would need is just not possible.
the only thing is reduce calorie intake. and this needs to be gradual otherwise the body can go into shock and shut down

That is a tough situation. It amounts to child abuse. Her health is in imminent danger. Diabetes and heart disease, not to mention cancers, are certainly in her future if nothing is done:( Is trying to keep the family intact more important than this helpless child's life?

I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. Samantha's parents seem to be ignorant about the whole situation. I know that she is only 8 years old, but it seems like loosing weight is a decision she will need to make on her own as her parents seem to be ignoring the situation. Have you ever seen that show "My 600lb Life"? Maybe she could watch that with you?

There is so much controversy about having morbidly obese children taken from their parents. I think letting your child become obese is a form of child abuse. A boy from my high school died from obesity in his parents home. He was too big to leave the house so the parents were clearly buying the food for him. He was so large that they had to cut him out of his home when he passed. It made me really think about what was going on with those parents. I really think that they were giving him the food because they felt bad for him. Here is an article published by CDC that might help Healthy Weight: Tips for Parents | DNPAO | CDC

In essence because she is so young...her parents really need to get on board with the weight loss. I think if the problem continues you should call social services. Could you talk to her teacher or the school? Maybe they can make the call so you are not stuck in the middle? Also, hiring a nutrionist might help too. How tall is she if you don't mind me asking?

In our Society it is not so cut and dry that it is child abuse even though I believe when its to the extent Samantha is it is. Thats what Im thinking to that it needs to be the school that makes the call. They are the professionals that could make that call. They are involved with her giving her 2 extra P. E. classes so they are aware there is a problem. If I made the call it would be turned around that I am making it for personal reasons because of the problems between me and the Mother

What about calling the school nurse? She could make the call if she gets no where with the parents. I really don't know. Just an idea.

:thumbup:

Chachi and TraciG, I am so sorry that you are not able to help these two young ones. I hope that somehow, someway they can get help as it is so very much needed.

I think we are living in a time of many folks not being concerned about their nutritional value in what they eat. Weight don't come off with just excercise and it can be dangerous it takes the will power of knowing what to eat and also when not to eat, children need this coming from who ever is overseeing their needs, evidentally this isn't being done so someone is going to have to step in and try to help these children.

Chachi, I have gotten myself involved in situations that I didn't really want to in my life time and when I look back, I don't have any regrets in my involvement and ended up being thankful I did and made the decisions that were my choice.

Chachi, I pray that you can find an answer to helping your niece, and also TraciG that your nephew too will get help in loosing the weight. There is a GREAT NEED FOR SOMEONE TO HELP THEM, I see too many children suffering and going through hardships that they shouldn't have too, and it all starts in the home, PARENTING RESPONSABILITY.

Hugs, Patti and Jack

Chachi, I am so sorry to hear you lost a child to congenital heart disease. I'm sure it breaks your heart to watch this child's life essentially "not be valued" by her parents w their actions towards her health. I'm sure they do not realize that is what it looks like to others, but I'm sure this is upsetting to watch.

Maybe you and your husband could call the school nurse together and ask for her help. I'm sure the call would be kept anonymous and most health care workers are very concerned about a child's health and wellbeing. Perhaps she could set up meetings to meet w the parents and arrange to have them meet w school nutritionists to help get this going (and w the school already making increased PT for her, your phone call would not be suspected).

I wish you luck w whatever the two of you decide.

Because of my experience, I can offer you helpful information that if you were to call cps they would not be able to tell it was you and infact would think it was definitely not you. I will pm you later when I am home with the information. (which by the way is 100% legal and not at all wrong).

I am very sorry for your loss of your son, and I can imagine how frustrating it must be to see your niece in this situation. A entire lifestyle change would be required and her parents would have to be on board. I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions to offer. I would think her pediatrician would impress upon her parents the urgency of the situation and suggest means of help.

I'm so very sorry you lost your son.:(

I was wondering if there are any children's books to help obese children read and understand why they need to make wise choices in their diet and also help to motivate them?

I wish you the best of luck while working to help your niece. This is a very difficult situation, one side of my family leads very unhealthy lives. They really don't understand why I eat healthy and run/yoga almost daily. I know that if I didn't make a healthy choice about my life I would be just like them.

It seems like Samantha may need to start making choices like this on her own if she isn't getting the support systems she needs from her parents.

I think there has been some good advice, but I wanted to add, what about getting her involved in an activity or sport that she may enjoy? With individuals who don't like team sports or often get picked on I suggest individual sports, like horse riding, or perhaps dog training/agility. These independent type sports don't put as much pressure on kids to "fit in" and by doing these things to exercise, she may begin to shift towards a more active lifestyle. I taught horse back riding lessons for years, and saw many children commit to riding and see a positive shift in their lifestyles because of it.

I don't know where she lives or how close she lives to you, but, if all else fails, maybe she could come and spend the summer with you and your husband. That way he would have a chance of working with her some and maybe once she begins to lose some it will encourage her to keep on. Good luck. Bless her little heart, I know how hard it must be.

Bless her heart! I have struggled with my weight all my life. Nothing like this situation, but I do know how hard it is. I do not have any advice. I am not a parent and do not know what I would do in this situation, but I did want to wish you luck. I hope you can help her. As she gets older, the bullying/picking on will only get worse. Kids/teenagers can be so cruel and it is so unfair to the one being picked on.

I'm so sorry you have this worry and can tell you are fearful for her life. It seems that someone needs to get involved and oversee what this girl is being fed. Poor kid must just eat all the time and using food as a crutch. I can't imagine the parents not wanting to follow doctor's suggestions, but in order for their daughter to lose weight, they all need to start eating healthy. Gosh...I hope and pray that this girl can get help. Hugs to you!

I know this isn't a solution to the problem but do you think if she had a Wii with the Wii Fit disc and a balance board it might motivate her to become more active? I have one and I've just started using it again after a lonnnnnng time. The game is cute! She can do step aerobics, hula hoop, balance games, etc. It might be an incentive to help her become more active. It also has a body measure feature that can track your weight gain/loss. Nothing is discouraging about it, in fact the Mii's (instructors) are very encouraging.

If she already has a game system I think the balance board is around $80.

I hope her parents realize that they control the situation. What they buy at the store is setting the example of what's eaten. Best of luck to Samantha. :)

My Husband tried to talk them into getting the wii and the wii fit for her when they were buying a game system. They wouldnt they bought her a playstation. We know the reason why and it is because we have that system we bought it for our daughter yrs ago and they dont want to do the same thing we do. They have to buy a different system than us. They even told a neighbor that so thats why we know. Anyway thats how small and petty they are. But yes I agree with you it would have been good for her to have a Wii

That's just sad, and wrong. :( My son has a PS3 and the only activity games I can think of are the dancing ones. The rest are sit on the tush and push buttons. I, at 42, actually enjoy the Wii Fit. I tried a Zumba disc this morning and it kicked my backside in a short amount of time (THANK GOODNESS no one else was around to see that! Sheesh!!)

Years ago at the school I worked at there was a very large girl who one of the coaches was trying to work with. Her mother got extremely upset. She said, "I'm fat, she's fat and we're always going to be that way and I don't want you trying to change it!" Unbelievable.

They are putting her in grave danger. Maybe you should turn them in and consequences be darned. Parents should want the best for their kids, not be enablers for the worst.

I am so sorry for your loss of your son. This cant be easy on you but you are being a good aunt to her. I would have to agree with Luna and lynzy.....

She doesn't know the consequences of her over eating. It is a parents responsibility to do right by their own child. Her parents are putting her life in jeopardy by not following doctors recommendations. That is a form of child abuse. They must be held accountable. You already know that they are not looking out for her health and well being just by her weight alone. If her parent are not going to do what needs to be done for the sake of this child someone needs to be her hero. Someone body need to make a stand for this child who is clearly not in a healthy situation.