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Do you seek the approval of others? No story here. I was just wondering what everyone's thoughts are regarding wanting or needing the approval of others (doesn't matter who or what the situation). Do you seek the approval of your peers less as you get older or do you think it's inherent in the individual? I think there are a lot of wise people here on YT and I am curious as to how you guys feel about this topic. |
Normally I'm a hard headed individual and like to learn from my mistakes. But there are topics I have no clue and prefer to be guided by someone else who is well experience. But I follow my heart and do some educating guessing before worrying about what others think. |
I think you're right. The older I get, the less I care what ppl think about me. I think as a whole that's how ppl are, but you always find exceptions. |
Yeah, I used to seek approval from others, but as I get older, the less & less I seek approval and the more I do what I think is right for me. I respect my peers, parents, siblings, friends, relatives, coworkers opinions and thoughts for sure and will listen to everyone, but in the end I will do what is best for me. The older I get, the more comfortable I am in my decision making and know whether people approve or not, its best for me. :) |
I believe seeking the approval of others is a pointless endeavor, as you will never please everyone. |
I grew up in a house with ALOT of upheavel,therefore approval was not ever given. Pleasing me and not causing harm has always been my choise. To bless others without crossing the lines that I have drawn in life. To love my family with unconditional love,without accepting intended harm in my direction. To be kind to strangers (taking a grocery cart for an older person or young mother with kids) and SMILE a smile can improve your day and others. Do I care what others think of me, NO. Others will have to take the time to get to know me and decide what they think of me,if they arent willing to take the time then they are not entitled to an openion. If they decide that they dont care for my company then they are welcome to move on. I spent to much of my childhood being abused to put up with it in my adult life. Joy is a chosen part of the adventure of life,it is not a destination. My daddy had a saying that I have passed on to my children. " You must love yourself first in order for others to love you" |
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I agree with the others, it's a wasted effort seeking others approval, in the long haul, it means nothing, for some people will give you approval, when you know that you've done the wrong thing, and others will never give you approval, it’s their way of controlling you. I still want those close to me to be happy with my choices and decisions, but mostly I seek my own approval, and I give it to myself, if I believe I've deserved it. I’m actually quite generous with myself, and I think being a mom helped me with that, I was kind to my children, and it’s easier to now be kind to myself. I was way to hard on myself when I was younger. |
I've gone through your responses, and they've offered a bit of relief. I think I really care about what people say b/c I'm very hard on myself (a notion that Nancy presented which I never thought about before) so hopefully with that new insight I can be a little nicer to myself. It's also great to hear that most of you outgrew it and are currently at a point that you are very comfortable with yourself--I aspire to be like you guys someday. |
The older I get, the less I worry about this type of thing. I used to majorly stress over what people thought of me and now I really just don't care. Life's too short to worry about pleasing everyone...besides it's impossible to do so. So I've learned that the hard way and have cried many times about what someone said to me that might hurt my feelings. Now I just try to be as nice as I know to be and be happy and not worry. |
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I think that everyone seeks approval from someone. As a child, you seek approval from your parents. As a teenager, you seek approval from your friends. As a young adult, you seek approval from your peers and co-workers. As you get older, the approval changes, and as you change. I have to agree that upbringing and childhood play a huge part into who you seek approval from, and also how you seek it. As a child, approval was never given-in fact I grew up thinking I could do nothing right. I have learned through the years that I can do things, and that even if I don't have approval from another individual, it doesn't decrease my value. I am still the same person regardless. It's truly a mindset, and something you have to work at. I believe that if you are seeking approval from others at a later age, it's because you are really seeking it from yourself. Nowadays, I dont care what others think of me. I am me, and nothing should change that. I approve of me the way I am, and that's all that's important. The others either fall into place or they keep their distance. I'm fine with it either way. |
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I dont know your age, as time goes on you will see people and the world differently. If there is only one person making you think that you are not a good person,then they are the one with the problem,not you. I actually had a conversation with a family member once where they were telling me what a bad person I was. I listed all of the important people in my life and told them that ALL of these people thought that I was a good person,so I must not be the one with the problem. You change your way of thinking by reminding yourself everyday that you are a GOOD person and that you can make the right decisions for YOU. That you are loving and kind and if there is someone out there that doesn't think so then THEY have a problem not you. You do not have to wait until you are 40,50,60. This is a decision that you can start on today. It will make for a much happier life. |
I have never worried about it. I would never join a Country Club that would willingly accpet me. |
Im a Christian so I try my best to think what would Jesus do in a situation and do it. Now Im not close to perfect so sometimes I fail on that but the stronger my faith goes the more Im able to do it. I think you can waste alot of time and energy seeking the approval of others though and sometimes they arent deserving of seeking their approval for so you have to be discerning |
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:thumbup: Excellent post..my exact feelings,but you can express them so much better than me ;) |
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Sometimes I fall into it and have to stop myself. And then a lot of times I'm very bullheaded and will do my own thing and people can just get over it. I'm not easily controlled. I do go into guilt about not pleasing others and feeling like I need to (wrongfully). I do think there is a very fine line between seeking approval and seeking guidance. I do have a few people in my life that may not always approve of what I do. If I change my ways, it isn't so much about making sure they approve, but more of the extreme respect I have for them and my willingness to let them tell me what they see and why it may not be good. |
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I think we all love approval when we do get it, but the older I get, I don't try to seek it anymore. If it happens with whatever I'm doing, it's an extra...and quite surprising, lol :p |
I have a hard time with this, I am a people pleaser..to much so. My childhood was not stable so I think I am that way because I want pease..hate conflict. There are two thoughts I would like to add. Sometimes it isn't so much what people think of me, because I agree sometime negative people are going to think poor of you no matter what, but you have to stand up for your self. I have an in- law that I have "stood up to" and refuse to be around. There are family members who put me down for this, but I had enough. If the family can't understand or doesn't support me... Oh well. The other point.. What do you want to be remembered for. I work hard to be "happy" and pleasant. I really don't care what if people agree with me but I know I Want to be remembered for being kind and helpful-- a giver not a taker! I will stand up for my values.. But I want to be a kind person of integrity .. That is what we all need to think about more than pleasing people, what are our values and what do we want to be remembered for? |
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I never waste my time or energy trying to get approval from people that I don't respect or people that don't respect me. And I won't lose sleep over what strangers may think about me. I don't usually have to make a decision of should I or shouldn't I do something bc someone I respect would not approve. like, I think my tattoos are probably not something my dad likes, but I did it still bc they make me feel good. When I was a teenager I purposely dressed and acted in order to stand out and not be accepted. LOL I'll admit it was pretty fun. Being able to wear and say whatever and get away with it. |
I love to surround myself around people that are individual thinkers. I love people who are themselves no matter what others say. |
No ... non-controversial ... everyone is entitled to their opinion. I'm just me, take it or leave it. |
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