Wedding Etiquette
 

My brother is getting married in a month, and I just cannot believe the lack of courtesy that some people have when invited to a wedding.

Within 2 days of sending out the invitations, they received 6 or 7 phone calls from single people asking if they could bring a date. The bride and groom are trying to keep costs down, and don't want to pay for extraneous people that they don't know. One relative got so bent out of shape he said he won't even go to the wedding if he can't bring someone. Then his MOTHER called my dad to throw a fit about the whole thing, and now she's threatening not to come because her son can't bring a guest. Really?

I always just thought it was common courtesy/knowledge that if the invitation does not indicate "& guest", then you were invited solo. I have never, and would never, call the bride and groom and ask them otherwise. Is my thinking outdated?

No, your thinking is not outdated. I always thought the same as you. If the invitation does not say 'and guest', only you are invited. Only if it says 'and guest' can you bring a date. It isn't right for people to call and ask if they can bring someone. Budgets are tight and people have to be understanding.

People are SOOO not into the etiquette anymore. I agree that no & guest means NO GUEST! duhhh..

my newest pet peeve is having a baby shower for your second and third and fourth child's birth...It's ok to have a second baby shower when the second baby is the opposite sex. My cousin thought it was ok to have a baby shower for her THIRD SON! Doesn't she have everything by now? The other sons are not even 6 years old yet. If she's selling things or gettin rid of things then i refuse to support her by giving her more things to sell later. she should have what she needs for the third boy.

SOME PEOPLE :(

and while i rant. i hate putting RSVP and not hearing back from anyone. HELLO it's there because i want to make sure i have enough food for everyone invited. please use the RSVP

I remember getting called for my wedding (15 yrs ago) if they could bring their kids? Ummm i would have put "and family" if i was inviting the entire family!!

The way i see it...you invite who you want. If people come..thats great! If people dont come..oh well, they were invited and its their loss!

We have been invited to many weddings where the invitation said Mr. & Mrs. which means not to bring the children. I would only have a problem with this if it was a family member.
It does work both ways: If you extend an invitation to a single and there will be a party afterward it isnt mandatory but it is polite to include a guest for the single. But if you choose to not include a guest for the single then it is very rude for them to call and rant. They need to quietly use the RSVP and dont whine. Just dont be surprised if the cousin or even brother doesn't show. People dont like going to a party stag.
Recently a young man that we have known ALL of his life,my husband was his assistant Scout master and he was our sons best man when he got married. His wedding was 4 weeks back,my husband & I and the siblings were not invited. He asked our son to tell us that they were expecting a baby and paying for the wedding on their own and could not afford for everyone to come. My feelings were not hurt and I will be making a pretty fluffy dress for his new daughter.

Yes, that's another issue.

I could see a relative quietly asking if they could being a date.. The key word is ask and gracefully accept "no".
People's true colors show at times like that!

As for RSVP ... So many people really don't know what it means. I think it also depends on culture. One year I had a birthday party for my dd, she was 4 or 5. I had 10 RSVP....25 kids showed up. Horrible, I did not have treat bags or supplies! The next year I did not put my address on the invitation...so at least they had to call :D
Sibling and extended family is a problem at parties too! When the kids were little I would always call and ask if I could bring the sister and offer to pay if there was a per head charge, some people said no. I had a mother who brought two sisters upset with me because I did not have treat bags for them.
I didn't know they were coming.

In Miami everyone is late. It is a joke thAt you have two invitations printed...one with Miami time the other American time..lol
I think it is rude tobe more than 10 mins late

As for showers, It is poor etiquette to throw your own party or even a close family member. I see nothing wrong with a showere for each baby, but the mom should Not be surprised with lower attendance ...
What I HATE is charging for a shower and expecting a gift!!!

There was something that happened similar to this on a radio show I listen to. The caller was very upset because his sibling is getting married and specifically asked after plans have been made that no children be present at the wedding. I can understand why the caller was upset since his daughters had previously been asked to be in the wedding as flower girls. I also realize when people realize that when someoneis having a wedding or a baby, it is not only THEIR special time but it is also stressful enough that they do not need the few people they love and trust enough to share their special time with adding to this stress. It is their day, they call the shots lol

sorry for typo's, phones....yay!

I also could see a close friend or family member asking if it was ok to bring a guest, especially if they have a new relationship they think not everyone is aware of. They should certainly be understanding if the answer is "no, we are trying to keep things small". They can always choose not to attend if it will cause problems in their relationship but send a gift in lieu of their presence.

The only thing to consider from the other persons standpoint is it is hard to go to a wedding with a bunch of people you dont know when you have to go alone

I has a situation a few years ago when my best friend's daughter sent us an invitation for three (me, hubby and my adult son), to her wedding. My son was flying his girlfriend down that same weekend, and didn't want to leave her at home while the three of us went. Solution: the four of us went to the wedding, but only my son and his girlfriend went to the sit-down dinner reception. My friend was fine with that, and she had an extra place for someone else. I got a copy of the video, so I didn't miss it. The wedding was the most important thing to me.

A few years back we threw a 25th wedding anniv party. It was the reception that we didnt have for our wedding. It is unfortunate but my brother had just gotten a divorce. I invited both of them and their adult children. My mother told me that my brother was offended. I told her that I didn't divorce his wife,she was my matron of honor at our wedding. He always had the choise to not attend and so did she. They both came,sat on opposite ends of the room. They still had fun,their kids got to party with both of them and we all had a grand time.

Well the person who complained will have his parents and siblings there, so it's not like he won't know anyone else. He wanted to bring a lesbian friend of his...so I don't think he is in a relationship with her.