Preteen/teen moms
 

My daughter is 11 1/2 and she is totally obsessed with her weight. She has very round cheeks and thanks she is fat. Aside from her round face she is very petite.
I am very petite, but I'm not strict with myself. Hell, I can't even make brownies without eating half the pan.(yes I'm serious) I have never brought up weight with either of my girls, I think they are both beautiful, so why all this sudden is she so down on herself. I am a little worried, she told me she wants to go on a diet. I cook healty meals so I don't see any reason for a diet.

Someone PLEASE give me some advice.
Here is a picture of her.

She's a beautiful young girl...just keep reinforcing "healthy eating" for health, not beauty. Its her age and the magazines...just keep telling her she's beautiful! She still has her "baby" face!

Francie

First off let me say, she is a very pretty, little girl.

I think it has nothing to do with you.. I think it might be her peer's as well as society. You know the thing's she see's and hear's. When you have 1 story after another about a woman weighing 135, but just lost weight 30lbs. Self-esteem play's into it a lot. Diet's aren't good for anyone, especially a growing teenager, who may have lot's of hormones. I think you should have a talk with her and see where all this is coming from, get her point of view's of what she think a diet is..and let her know about how you cook them healthy food, and that healthy eating is a way to go....Also, get her to show you picture's of what she think's an acceptable body image is..Body image is key. SHow her what you feel, and think a healthy body image is... It doen't have to be a star... :

Thank you, I just worry so much about this kind of thing. You read and see so much about girls who have eating disorders and it is scarey. My husband totally thinks this is normal and that I should let her go on what she thinks is a diet. He said, that away she'll try it and then it will be a been there done that thing and blow over. I don't know though. She is a very indepent and strong willed person, I fear it wouldn't blow over. As it is she is getting taller and already looks like she is getting thinner. :confused:

Do you think I'm making to much out of this or do I reason to be concerned?

Great advise, I think her and I are going to go shopping tonight and out for a nice dinner for some serious girl talk...

:thumbup: Talking is key! ;)

Your daughter is a beauty!

I may not be of any help, but let me tell you I was actually in that same position (i'm not a mom, i meant i was like that too)

When i was 12 i always thought i looked ugly and i felt really ugly too, only because I wanted to "fit in" and be cool like the cool kids.

I was never cool lol, I always was concerned about my weight even though i was a twig. I also think that unfortunately society really plays a role on our teens these days. The image that really skinny is in, i have nothing against really thin women, because i used to be pin thin as well. I just don't see how Lindsay Lohan or Hilary duff or even Nicole Richie is healthy skinny. Especially the way they lost all that weight and very fast.


I agree with everyone when you should still encourage healthy eating habits and exercise. But of course never crash diet or anything. You are a great mom for being concerned. I wasn't really close to my mother and that's probably why we are so close now only because i shut her out when I was younger. I grew up way too fast.. i miss rollerblading with my friends.. never having to worry about my image.


ok i totally went off topic, lol don't mind me. but your daughter is beautiful and she shouldn't change!

She is beautifuls and definetly tiny! She doesnt need to diet. Its sad that society would make her feel that way. I hope she realizes how beautiful she is.

My daughter used to always worry about being to fat when she was a STICK at age 13. Now she is 14 1/2 and doesn't worry about it. I think it was a faze :)

I agree with everyone else!!! She is so pretty!!!! I honestly think it has a lot to do with society now...They are sending the message that you need to be like 90 pounds to look good..

Thanks everyone!!

xtine, furtanetly (sp) she does like the way she looks aside from her weight. She is so smart, (straight A's since first grade) cute, sweet, and funny. She has lots of friends, but she is very shy around the boys (and that is way OK with us LOL). I really hope it is just a phase, either way though we are going to be talking again, just the 2 of us.
I am very guilty of letting her do grown up things. Like her nails, highlights, a cell phone, Ipod, shop at very exspensive stores, however, these things have a price, she must stay on the A honor roll, no lieing, NO DRUGS (of any sort), and no stealing. My husband and I are very leinent about material things, but very strict as to her safety and were abouts.

Society puts sooooo much pressure on these little girls. They also put pressure on each other. i listen to them talk on the bus when I bring my son home and it's amazing. I don't know what I would do if I had a girl, what do you say to them? how do you tell them they are ok, just the way they are? Your daughter is so lovely. Diet, schmiet. It's so early for something like this. Good luck!!! I don't know what else to say. :(

Your daugther is so pretty. Bless her. I think everyone have give you great advise. You can ask her pedriatician to talk to her to asure her that her weigh is just perfect, and she doesnt need to go on a diet.

My sister is 13 and she thinks that she is fat too she is STICK thin. Everyday I hear her compare herself to some star on tv or out of a magazine. I think that you should expain to her what a healthy diet is and if she likes that then fine I would not worry about it eating healthy and excercise is not going to hurt anyone. But if she thinks that a diet is starving yourself then you need to explain that she will end up in the hospital that way. My sister thinks that starving yourself is the only way to get skinny bc of what she hears on tv or reads in magazines. Your daughter is beautiful and she is by all means not fat! Its just a stage too, in a few years when she gets a boyfriend then she will understand that you dont have to look like the girls on tv to have the boys crazy for you!

I can honestly say the only thing I have ever commented about myself was I wish I could gain 10 lbs and preferrably in the chest. I can asure you I'm not saying anything at all about myself and weight in front of her ever again. As for healthy eating, my kids do eat very healthy. I cook everynight and start every meal with a salad...

She’s perfect. You know, people are actually paying to inject fat into their faces for that youthful look. Of coarse at her age she probably wishes she was older but…still. If you haven’t exhibited any negativity towards your own body and food than you probably won’t have a problem. It’s no wonder a kid would want to be on a diet. EVERYONE is on a diet. Every time you turn on the TV you’re inundated with the latest diet crap. When I was a kid I wanted to “be on a diet” because I thought that’s what grown up girls did and my Mom never talked about weight. It has a lot to do with the media.

shes beautiful and a great weight shes not fatt at all
i think you should start letting her watch the tyra banks show i dont know if you know her shes a victoria secret model and a very REAL girl she has real topics like this one and as a model shell even show her rolls on her stomach and takes off her makeup and shows her dark circles and she also has other famous models on the show you should check it out

oh and dont worry

oh and i think girls see these models and think there really like that THERE now its all computer editing the photos and thats why i like the tyra show

She definitely does not need to go on a diet, she is a little bitty thing. Talking to her about it will definitely help her to establish a healthy outlook. Society does have a very serious impact on self-esteem, and she is at the age where she will begin to compare herself to other girls more often. Some of the roundness in her face will diminish in a few years, after puberty. I was like her, never fat, but had a softer look and I became more toned naturally at about 15. She is a beautiful girl, so just be patient, sometimes girls at that age will just say that sort of stuff for attention. Good luck, you're gonna be entering a tough time, lol. I know I fought it out with my mom quite a bit in that stage, but remember that conflict is very important in her cognitive and socioemotional development. Just hear her out about why she feels she needs to be on a diet and some deeper things may come to the surface.

It's definelty all the little "movie star" girls they see on TV. My daughter is 10 and she sometimes asks me if she's fat!! Because she sees all the images on TV I always reassure her that she is not! I do remind her that she is growing and her body is going to go through alot of changes. I do also remind her though sometimes, after she has had two and 3 snacks that she has to be careful of what she eats and that she needs to try and concentrate on healthy snacks, I think as long as your there for them, and talk about the issue she will be fine. Here's a picture of my daughter!

Your daughter is perfectly healthy and beautiful. And I think it is normal for young girls to think they are overweight even though they may not be.

Since she seems pretty determined, (as in she'd want to lose weight anyways), maybe your help and approval may be beneficial in this situation. Eating healthy (more salads, less meat) and more exercise is the safe way to go as people have already mentioned. If you like to do any sports or outside activities together, do that, be it running, jogging, bicycling. Be active in her life and see what she wants to do, then see as a parent if that's a good idea. :)

The media plays a big role in shaping the way people and especially teenagers may think. They can often compare themselves with the super skinny, unhealthy celebrities they see in magazines or on TV, people who can set pretty bad examples for today's youth in terms of lifestyle.

You sound like a great role model for her, Lexi's Mommy, so keep it up! She sounds very well-rounded. Give her the support she needs and she'll continue to be the great daughter she is. :)

Your Daughter is very pretty....its all those blooming teen Mags out there,confusing :confused: the pre teens & all the skinny fashion :eek:

My Daughter just turned 12 yrs old & said the same thing to me...couldnt believe her,i thought she was joking,none of us are big actually the complete opposite...I am 5 feet 4 inches & weigh 120..pounds if that i have always been very petite..
Alex my daughter is tiny for her age group & weights 80 pounds :D

Your daughter is very pretty. Both of mine went thru this stage too.

she is very pretty... also may i point out that at her age she still hasent grown out of her "baby fat" yet....... my cousin was ... well...... we called her chubby (not to her face.....lol..... i know im mean, but i dont like her anyways) ANYWAYS, she was "chubby" up until she was about 13 and then she started to STRETCH OUT... and now..... WOW..... i feel sorry for her mother because she is starting to fall for bad boys and she is going to hae to beat them off with a stick... anyways, what im trying to say is that as she gets older she will get a more "defined" jawline ect.. that goes with growing up... eating disorders are a very serious thing to deal with: i know from experience, i got so bad that i hardly ever ate (this is when i first started going out with my boyfriend) and i had dropped a significant amount of weight, for the first time guys were noticing me ect... then, i started to become happy with the way i looked and started to eat again and gained it all back :rolleyes: , i have always been considered over weight and in my case it does stem from my parents: my father just recently (last week actually) told me in no uncertain terms that i was fat... my mom thought it was perfectly healthy for me not to eat for two days and was happy that i had some "will power", she made me ride my bike home from school every day (we lived ACROSS TOWN... a significant bike ride) ..... It also stems from peer pressure as well like others have said, and the media.... i am a preschool teacher and we are actually forbidden from giving one of our little girls pizza because she thinks that her daughter is fat (and this was said in front of the daughter)... it is sad :(

Your daughter is perfect!!!! my daughter is 11 she has talked about a diet too. she is in no way what so ever fat. i think it is her peers, alot of kids are on diets or there parents are on a diet this causes children to go to school and either act like their parents or tell everyone about their own diet. this put pressure on kids that arent on a diet. little girls shouldnt be on a diet unless recomended by a doctor. at this age they are close to development. i think the kids need those mc donalds cheeseburgers and potato chips as long as their not majorly over weight. i explained to my daughter that she will be developing breasts and growing to her adult height over the next couple years. if you diet now its worse for development.kids burn off so much fat and nuetrients at this year of age. and they grow taller and develop boobs.then that lingering little bit of fat will go away . your daughter is not fat and shouldnt be insecure of her body. maybe put her in sports make her know that exercise and eating a good meal is much more important then dieting.i coach little league softball and alot of overweight kids play after a couple weeks they have lost weight and at the same time it had nothing to do with weight just learning how to play the game. we boost there confidence and give them something else to think about rather then weight ,acceptance from peers and the next worst thing boys! good luck with your beautiful little girl!!!!

Thank you for your great advise, she does do Gymnasticts, valley ball, and soccer. She did dance up til this year, and wants to do cheerleading. We don't eat fast food (ever), I don't eat meat and believe in eating healthy. My husband and daughters do eat meat and for them that is fine. We did talk alot over the weekend and and she had this unreal image of thin. I think she understands though, and we will continue to talk. I also think she uses the word diet lightly because her friends throw the word around a lot.

Anyway, thank you all for your help and suport,
Tricia

I am 14, almost 15, so I kind of know what she's going through. I'm sure your daughter is comparing herself to women and teens in movies, magazines, tv, etc. maybe even her friends. Teen girls always feel insecure about themselves. My advice for you is to always reassure her that she is NOT fat, because she definitely isn't!! But sometimes, when a teen hears something like that from their mom, they don't exactly believe it all the time. If she is still convinced she wants to go on a diet, tell her to do what I did. I eat all regular foods, I just cut out the "bad" stuff. When she's hungry for a snack, tell her to make it something healthy, like a fruit, vegetable, etc. not the cookies, candy, chips, fast food, etc. I mean one is fine once and awhile, just not ALL the time. LOL Your daughter is no where near fat, but reducing the amount of the unhealthy foods might help her feel more secure with how she looks and make her not want to go on a diet. Ya know? This post might not make sense. Sorry!

Thank you, you are so sweet.. It makes total sense and you are so right...

Thank you again,
Tricia