I don't want to talk badly about my BF's mom, but she is really cheap to the point where she never celebrates any of holidays... not even her own childrens' b-days(she has 6 children) Instead she buys properties or spends her money on some stupid investment. Since I've been with my BF, I was the one who took care of birthdays and holidays for his family. She just called me on monday asking me if I have some money, and I told her that I don't have any money. You wouldn't believe what she said. She said that she knows that my family's rich, so I can ask them for money for her(she knows that my parents are going through divorce!).:eek: I mean, there's no end for my BF's family. I've been helping them in every possible way including financially, but they are just keep asking me for more and more... As for BF's sis, she's just keep making up stuffs about me. Trying to talk to her is like, throwing eggs at a brick wall. I think I just need to step back and wait till she comes to her senses.
I really need to meditate and empty myself to be a better person to deal with them. I really don't know what to do...

Sorry for your trouble with your bf's family... hope things will work out...
hope that you and your bf's love for each other will over come the struggle btw you and his family...:)

Thank you.
I can say that I said no to his family, maybe 3~4 times during 5yrs that I've been with him. It doesn't matter how many times I said say, if I ever say no, I am the worst bitch in the world... It's like they expect me to treat them like queen and king, just because I'm with my BF.

Asking you for $ is crazy! u need to take into consideration the needs of your BF's family financially. I sure hope that your boyfriend makes a Really good $ and has a fabulous future ahead of him. The biggest thing that people fight about once they are married is $. If your BF and his family are not on the same social status, or even hold the same beliefs of how holidays are celebrated can cause big problems later on in a relationship. You may want to seek a therapist for the both of you. (im not saying ur crazy..hehehe ..lots of couples go) if he does not want to attend a session, then the relationship may not be that important to him. You also need to make a list of "The perfect man to marry" then compare it to him. Dont settle for anything less than what you want and you deserve.

My bfs family are nice enough but broker than broke! I mean my bf is one of 4 and I am one of 3. My brothers are both financially well off, one being a civil engineer and the other is 11 years in the airforce. I am doing pretty well myself being a computer geek (application developer) and all 3 of us are financially independent from my parents for over 10 years now. My youngest brother is 29 and my BFs youngest brother is 36. My BF is definitely successful in his career but the rest of his family is not. They are all extremely broke and when they walk into my house I feel kind of sad because they flat out SAY they will never have nice things like this, or they will never own a house, or I paid more for my dogs than they paid for their car!!! :( It makes me sad for them on one hand, but also I feel that I have $27,000 in student loans that they don't have. I am career oriented and they are family oriented. They don't really ever ASK for anything but when they come over they feel they are entitled to take whatever is around like K-cups (for the Keurig coffee machine) or expect us to stock Pepsi (we don't drink it) for them, or when we have a birthday party we are expected to serve the WHOLE meal, but when we are invited we are told to bring something. If we don't bring something ONE time we never live it down, we will hear "OH do we have to feed you again?" or "Gee, will you have a MEAL this time?" If I stop at Dunkin donuts on my way to their house I BETTER NOT show up with nothing for them, even though they NEVER bring me one when they stop on their way over to my house! But... its his family and that is what we do. I just shut up and spend the money for/on them because to them I have it and they don't. It keeps the peace and the extra $10 - $20 here and there does not break the bank. :)

:lol tearsI was laughing my butt off.... broker than broke!!!
At least your bf family is nice...
Money is not an issue, but their attitude is.
we always picked up the tab whenever we eat out with his family. I swear I never once saw any of their wallet. They don't even say simple "thank you"
First 2yrs, I was more than willing to pay for them whatever they needed, but more I pay for them, they expect me to pay even more.:confused: not only money, but doing things as well.

.... Only if I can tell you the story of my BF's life....
Good thing is that we never fight about money.:p
I hope you ladies understand me for telling you about my BF's mom(not trying to gossip, but need some opinions...)
Ok, My BF's mom has 6children form 5 different man.
She's with none of them, she's alone.
She blames every man she's been with and it is all their fault that she's not with any of them.( I mean she's the common denominator btw 6men, so there must be something about her that they couldn't deal with)
Anyway, because of her life experience, she tells her children that there's no true love and it is better for them to use others before they get used by them. She tells them that they need to get as much things as possible from their GF,BF... I mean , the list goes on and on about how she poisoned her kids' mind with her twisted view. None of her children has normal relationship. I don't know how many days I cried listening to my BF's story. My BF is the one who wanted to cut ties with his family, but I pushed him to keep in touch with them and try to have normal family.
I don't expect to be with the perfect man, cause I am no where near perfect, but trying to be a better person and I'm so thankful that my BF always tries to do his best whatever he does and helps others through charity and volunteer work(which is waste of time according to his mom).
I jut hope that there's way to have normal relationship with his family.

Wow. Sounds like the apple (named "BF's sis") didn't fall far from the tree. There is so much more going on here than you could ever, ever control or change. Please keep in mind that this is a family you have for LIFE. If/when children are involved it's much more serious and if I were you I'd seriously think about if this is what you want. Realistically, you and BF could try to keep your distance, but it's never that simple. This is the flesh and blood that your future children will share, and they will eventually be influenced by. I agree with Felicity 1008 - make a "perfect man to marry" list, and factor his family into the equation. Please do not settle for this unrest just because you've been with BF for 5 years. That 5 years is just a blip compared to a lifetime of happiness in all that you want. Good luck to you, it's a very difficult situation you have that will not just blow over.

This must be so hard on you now with your parents divorce. Your parents were married a really long time and im sure you want that in your future but for it to last forever. Just like behavior issues in our dogs we inherit our parents ways also, including divorce, i hate to say our views and statics of divorce come from our families. We are an image of our parents even if they are not ones to be desired. My parents had rules of dating when i was in my 20's. (IM now 41 with 2 children). Rule #1....Make sure his parents are together and happy ( death did not count)...because my parents and entire family believed that divorce was inheritited..share the same family values. Rule #2..He must look you in the face when talking to you...you dont want a lier...Rule # 3....Make sure he walks you to the door....to show respect. Rule #4 You will know him when you meet him and not have any doubts. Well i married a man with very similar family values, he parents are married for 50 years now. My parents were married 35 till my fathers death. We both feel the same about our siblings and their silly ways and dont have any discrepencies about it. I did not settle for anything less and knew what i was marrying and have no disappointment. They nor their families NEVER change. 22 years together and everyone just grows older.
Prehaps your parents divorce has shed some light on your situation. Things do happen for a reason. Mom always knows best...what does she think?

A little for statistics...In all the generations on both sides of our family(my husbands and mine) there has NEVER been a divorce. Including aunts, uncles and cousins. My cousin married a woman who has come from a father that has 10 kids from 3 marriages and they are in and out of counceling and her mother was married 2 times and divorced. My aunt never approved of the marriage. they are struggling but hold on. Sorry its hard for you at this time...just my families way

Ha! isn't it funny?!
1st 45yrs old = been with over 100 women and still single(never been married) and has a child / no real job.
2nd 36yrs = single(never been married) has a child / no real job.
3rd 33yrs = single(never been married) has a child / no real job.
4th 30yrs = single / no real job.
5th (my BF) = has been with me for 5yrs and has a very good job.
6th sis 24yrs = being back and forth btw 3 men and has no real job.
It is so true about what you said.
None of them ever had relationship that lasted a year just like their mom.
On the other hand, my BF understands how important it is to have stable relationship with loved one(he learned a lesson from his own life experience).
My BF is very different from rest of his family and he really tries his best to become a better person, so I don't have issues with him. It is just his family that both I and my BF have problem with. BF tells me that his family is just bad influence on him and stops him from progressing. I nor my bf knows what to do with his family...:(

There is a class in NYC that is called Landmark Forum. We have one here in NJ too. IT mosly pertains to relationships and how they mold every aspect of our life, how to get what we want...like through people, all the possibilities that we have, The Laws of the Universe...the power of attraction in our lives. My cousin took it her life is amazing!!! She landed a job after taking this class making 250k+a year, met an amazing man and got married ...and made THE LIST, brought her dream home with her amazing husband...and the list goes on....EVERYTHing that happens in our lives stems from the relationships we have with people..Check this class out...it teaches you how to deal with people and mold them into your life or out.

Can you both get away from them? Like move to another state? My mom had to do that eventually. Her brothers & sisters are all messed up and leaned on her too much, then she got sick, she has fybromyalsia but was misdiagnosed for 10 years and was treated for MS for 10 years. BAD! Her family never stopped dumping everything on her. She was sick and in the hospital and yet still had to do Christmas dinners and all that, so her & her husband finally up and moved to Albuquerque NM. Its about 2500 miles from 'home'. Life is sooo much easier for her!

I'm sorry that your mom was misdiagnosed...
I'm pretty sure her illness is due to her high stress level!
My grandmother had MS and when she changed her diet to raw food, believe it or not, it's cured!!!:eek:
I've been living in the city for so long, I really can't picture myself anywhere else...:(

The reason why we(my bf &I) are not in mental institute is that we've been reading many books like "power of positive thinking" "Law of attraction" ... books from echjart tolle, dr. wayne dyer, and of course anthony robbins... we do yoga together as well. If it wasn't for all the books and seminars we attended, we both should've been bald by now from pulling our hairs!!!:D We meditate and try our best to stay calm everyday...:p Thank you for the info on landmark forum, I'll check it out!