Well, this just about sums it all up... As we progress thru the year 2010, I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery. I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel. I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels. Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years. I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I can't have a drink in a bar because I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone. I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up. I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans. I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer. AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face. Disfiguring me for life. I no longer go to the movies because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down. And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan . THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt. Oh, by the way..... A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late. P. S.: I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet. |
Ha ha! I loved this. So true and funny. I made a promise to myself this year that I was NOT going to forward those emails that promise something bad will happen if you don't forward to 15-20 people. Whatever. I refuse to foward those anymore. AND I refuse to forward the ones that say good things will happen if you send it to (insert number here) people. And finally, I refuse to forward those that insist I must show my love for God by forwarding this email to (again, insert number here) people. I'm such a kill joy! |
Good one, thanks for sharing! :) |
Oh, Lord!! I am laughing so hard my eyes are tearing up!!!(Oh no now I'm goin to H&%L for using the lord's name in vain!) I too have endured all of these warnings and I say...What the hell, I'm sitting ON the toilet seat in the gas station!:eek: I am going to eat from the salad bar and not examine the sneeze guard! I am liberated!!! Hand sanitizer be damned!:D |
Oh Yeah, I forgot to mention that I will also be blessed with millions of dollars from winning the West Indies lottery! And I know this is true because they sent me an Email!!:p |
But you haven't heard the good news... smoking is actually healthy! Yep! At least that's the result of a lengthy study headed by Dr. Marlboro... |
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You guys are hilarious!!! |
[QUOTE=OwnedByJezebel;3220814]That must be a scam, because I was informed that I that won the West Indies lottery, and I sent them $10,000 by Western Union to release the funds to my bank account! It was supposed to arrive yesterday, but it was a bank holiday there, so I should get it first thing Monday morning! I'm going to spread the wealth and share it with all of you ...........[/ Damn them!:mad::mad: Screwed again...thats the third time this week!! Never mind,there's always the Eastern Ubafra lottery! That one is mine I tell you!!! MINE!!! |
I need a *like* button for this thread |
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