Trash talking, how can I say no more!
 

My next door neighbor is handicapped. Her husband left her because she was a witch to him. Hubby and I witnessed several things where she didn't beat him up because she can't walk.
She has somebody who cleans her house and takes her trash out. We have trash pick up Tuesdays and Fridays.
I don't know if I'm being taken advantage of, but my neighbor calls me at least 3 times a week to help her take her trash out because her cleaning lady always has an excuse not to come and get her trash out.
Honestly, i'm getting tired of that. I not only not take my own trash out (When we got married we agreed he would take the trash out), but also she wants me to go get her mail. This has been going on since August of last year.
I work sometimes longer than 40 hours a week, I come home to take care of my house and my husband and furbutts, I'm to the point were I feel like telling my neighbor not to call me anymore to get her trash out!!!She's asked me a few times to scoop her cat's litter box!! I don't want to say no because I know if I don't do it her cat is going to be using a dirty litter box and I don't like my cats to use a dirty litter box, but at the same time I'm not her cleaning lady!!!
Her cleaning lady is taking advantage of her because she only comes to clean her house whenever she wants to, because I think she knows that if she doesn't come I'm going to help my neighbor with her trash, mail and litter box. She conveniently gets migraines or pms cramps before trash day.
Hubby already told me to stop doing that for her because although she is handicapped and doesn't have anybody else she needs to either call her cleaning lady or find somebody else. He tells me I already have enough in my plate doing our own house.
I feel bad to tell her that I can't do it anymore , what kills me is that she is very nice and sometimes she tries to give me goodies for helping her, I don't take them of course,but what also makes me feel bad is that I put myself in her shoes and I wouldn't like somebody to tell me that they don't want to help me anymore i was handicapped.
What should I do? Should i continue to help her? Should I tell her I'm not going to help her anymore? and if so how do I do it?
Who si taking advantage of me her or her cleaning lady?
Please advice!!!

I would try to talk to the cleaning lady first. Maybe she can give you some insight into the situation.

My husband is disabled and in a wheel chair most of the time, but he still does chores from time to time.

Maybe taking the trash out and picking up the mail are what she's supposed to do according to doctor's orders.

John's doctor flat out told me to stop doing a few things for him so that he would be motivated to do them for himself.

Maybe that's the situation with the cleaning lady. Could the "cleaning lady" also be a visiting nurse instead of a cleaning lady? (And she may have no idea that you're doing it for her. Hey, maybe you should check with the neighbors on the other side and around her?)

Wow, I had all sorts of emotions reading your post. It went from her being a "witch" to her husband to being really nice and wanting to give you goodies for helping her? I say this.....If I help people it is because I want to and because it makes me feel good doing it. I don't expect anything in return for helping someone and any little extras that come my way in life are because what goes around comes around. I will pretty much leave it at that. I should add, that by being her neighbor and helping her maybe you could establish a friendship to where you can openly talk with her about her cleaning lady and getting someone that can be more dependable for this lady. That too would be a huge help!

That is one of the reason I don't want to say no more, because I know that what goes around comes around. THat is why i put myself in her shoes. I started helping her as a favor, but it has escalated to one in a while to more than twice kinda thing.
I'm the only neighbor she knows. The other next door neighbors just moved a few months ago. My other next door neighbor doesn't talk to her because she was rude to her many times before she became disable. Other neighbors don't even know how she looks like. She doesn't go out at all. She can't walk anymore.
I talked to her before about her cleaning lady and she is aware of the things that the cleaning lady does like getting sick or nor answering her phone when she calls her, but she told me that she feels kinda stuck with her because she has work for her for quite a while now,(before her husband left her) and she feels vulnerable to bring somebody new to help her out in the house.
Judy, I don't know much of her medical situation, all I know is that she has to have a knee replacement, but she is diabetic and overweight and the doctor told her she needs to loose weight if she wants to get her knee replacement, but she doesn't want to loose weight nor have surgery. That is what her still husband told my husband and me.
Sometimes I feel like I'm just going to help her and forget about how tired i am is not an everyday thing anyways, although it's become more frequent. But when I've had rough days at work and I'm exhausted... i really don't feel like doing it. :(

I don't have any idea. It's a tough one. Does she belong to a church? Maybe someone from the church could come talk to her? Does she cook for herself? If she can cook for herself and get the trash to the can, then I would think she could take the cans to the curb and go get the mail.

You may not be helping her as much as you think. As long as the situation is survivable for her, she won't make any changes. It sounds like you need to force the changes by not doing those chores for her any more.

That's just my opinion though.

If someone is doing all they can do, and then needs help, that's one thing. When they won't even try to fix things, it's not your responsibility any more.

She doesn't cook at all. TV dinners, cookies, pastries and fruit it's all i see in her trash when i take her trash out.
She has a walker that is how she moves around, but she can't stand for more than 3 minutes.
When I take her trash out I'm talking about going and take the trash out of the cans she has in the house like her bedroom, her kitchen, her bathroom, her spare bedroom and the back porch. She doesn't have it ready for me to take it out. I have to get it ready and then take it out.
I don't know I guess I'm just going to suck it up and keep doing, because in a way i do feel bad for her.

This is exactly right. Since you said she needs a knee replacement but cannot get it until she loses some weight makes me wonder too if it is doctor's orders to do more for herself as in getting some exercise. There is a fine line between helping someone and someone taking advantage. I would say that if you are feeling like you are being taken advantage of then trust your instincts. Decide what you feel comfortable doing for her, and call it good.:)

That's just ridiculous. Insist that you be allowed to talk to the "cleaning lady". I think you'll discover that her job is very limited and she's doing what she's supposed to do for her.

If she needs more care than that, she needs to have full time care. That's way to much to just ask a neighbor.

Also, who buys her groceries? Does she get in a car and drive to the store? Even if she gets a cart and drives around the store in it, she has to get out of her car and to the door of the store. She is able to do more than she thinks she can. And...if someone is buying her food for her...they need to help her make better food choices.

I agree with Judy. At first, I thought you were doing a few random acts of kindness. The more you tell us, the more it absolutely sounds like she is taking advantage of you. My goodness!

Caller ID
(If you don't want to be bothered, just don't answer). She is a neighbor, not a family member or close friend. Sometimes you have to put yourself first.

Inquire at adult services in your area.Let them know of the situation so they can look into the matter.Maybe this lady should not be living on her own.

Thank you! I knew there was an agency to contact, but I couldn't think of it. That's exactly what you should do.

Her cleaning lady takes her to the grocery store, but the lady drives my neighbors car, somehow she manages to get on the electric cars that the grocery stores have and then she and her cleaning lady start shopping.