bottom line
 

You tell Zack its my way or the highway and if I catch you drinking I will call the police and foster care can deal with you tell DH we are setting rules that he will follow or he is out.

Totally agree, I won't even let my DH give his brother money because he does drugs. I told him I am not letting money leave my household into the hands of a druggie. He got pissed at first. But hey, I refuse, it's me, or you supporting your druggie of a brother.. he got the point.

1 more thing
 

If your hubby really loves his bro he needs to do what is right dont help destroy his future its a bad start for a 17 yr old adults must do the right thing.

Yup, one of my cousins (my mom's adopted, so her "sister's" son) is addicted to heroin. My "aunt" used up all her savings and lost her house from bailing him out of jail repeatedly, paying for lawyers, still giving him money. Might I add he got a BMW at 17 and totaled it street racing while his gf and her parents were in the car. My mom tricked me into "lending" her some money thinking it was for my sister (another leech) and she ended up giving it over to my aunt. You can just guess where the money went to. I told my mom I will not give them money, b/c he is manipulative, and my aunt is a weakling for him. They are not even my blood family. I don't talk to them anymore.

If this kid doesn't turn his life around, this is what he has in store for him.

OMG! First let me say this; you have more patience than a saint!! Secondly; just in moho...tell DH to get it together and throw out the trash or Else! Why do we as women think that we have to allow or support this kind of behavior?! Most of us would never tolerate this from strangers but when it's "family"...

Take care of yourself and tell (not discuss) your sweet DH to get real!

PS. underage drinking IS the responsibility of the adults! Both yourself and your hubby are in very real danger of a lot of unwanted legal trouble when (not if) this kid gets busted!

Again, I suggest:


Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen

:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:These will provide the help needed to conquer the problems.

Oh no, you poor women! NO, you are not wrong at all for feeling this way. I agree with the other posts! You should be your husbands priority! Unfortunately, your DH has a extremely dysfunctional family and has a lot to learn about family life. Whether he will ever change is a good guestion and I definately suggest consuling. I would let him know how you are feeling and if he can't put you and your feelings first that your gonna pack up and be gone. But that is me! I would never put up with that. That takes alot of nerve to move someone into your house when you are just married, and I think it is soooo wrong to have a brother living in your house with your wife when you aren't there!! All these things that are bothering you are red flags, keep track of them, I hope they start diminishing but if they keep adding up, it is time to kick ass and make yourself happy!

I have been through alot of crap in my first marriage and I got rid of him real quick. I am so glad I can look back and know that at age 20 I stood up for myself and didn't sacrifice my beliefs in what a relationship should be because of his dysfunction and his and his family issues.

I hope everything works out for you. I hope you will keep us posted and come back for any advice you might need.

Thanks again everyone, I'm so glad I can come here and get good advice. Things have been ok this week only a little blip over the weekend. He still hasn't gotten a job, which i'm not sure if it's his fault or the economy's, but I asked if he was going to be getting a job anytime soon so he could help pay for all the food he eats (he eats SOOOO much) and he said he's applied to a bunch and I asked if he followed up and he said to some of them. Then my DH said "he (Zach) doesn't want to be here anymore than we want him here" and Zach said yeah if I had the money I would be out partying and drinking. I told him "then you aren't welcome in my house" and walked away. Billy (the DH) talked to him about it and told him it was unacceptable and things have been ok since then. I know it's only Wed. there is still a bunch of week left. I'm not a very confrotational person and I have the shortest temper in the world so I usually try to talk to the DH instead of Zach as to not blow things out of proportion. He's talked to him about all the issues I bring up but I don't know if he stresses the things I find important. I'm guessing so since Zach has stayed out of my way for the most part. So wish me luck! I'll keep you updated!

It's your house, and your life, so set boundaries and make the rules (with your husband), and demand that your "guest" abide by them with gratitude or leave.

Good luck, and definitely get in touch with the support groups suggested for a survival lesson you need to deal with the whole family now and in the future.

Your young to have to deal with a 17 year old...most all of them are just hard. My son acts almost exactly how you descibed, he just turned 18...I always had a very close relationship with him, raised him in church, sports, bet club, etc... but, he can't live here unless he can act half normal while he is growing up. Good Luck to you!

Angie

You can't be serious. You actually think soooooo little of yourself that you are sticking around????

Something very important to keep in mind: He is seventeen or underage. If he drinks alcohol in your house and then gets into an accident and hurts someone you are going to be sued and could lose everything. Your husband might seriously consider this.

Very good point!!! Good luck! Sending your strength!

Update! We gave Zach a drug test today, he passed. BUT he still doesn't have a job. I think he's starting to realize that i'm not going to tolerate drinking in my house. And for everyone that says just leave my husband I can't just up and get a divorce. I love him more than anything in the world. We have an amazing relationship I just think he is too much of a softy. We've been together since I was 15 we've made it through money troubles, 2 deployments, 1 brother we've made it through so much I know we will make it through this. I was considering getting deployed to get away from it for a while and I think he realized I was serious about that too. Things are going a little better at home and hopefully will stay that way. Zach knows that if he slips up he will be out of here faster than he can say "i'm sorry".