Does anyone actually hate their life like I do?
 

I felt that I need to post this. I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me or anything like that. I sometimes just can't stand my life. I know I have depression and I will admit I'm on medication, but does anyone else feel like me? I've been married for 22 years and have a teenager and furbutt but I can't seem to stop feeling this way. I've been to shrink but I cannot afford to keep going and need more medication but can't afford what I need. We don't qualify for any help or assistance. We fall in the loop hole of making too much money for the assistance. Their is a lot of stress in my life and I feel like I'm having a heart attack. Can you say "major panic attacks". I had a serious car accident at the prime of my life. Lost my home, car and job and all my self esteem. I can no longer work due to my disabilities from the car accident. All my husband does is work and when he's home, he falls asleep on me. When we make plans to do something, then he calls me and is forced to work overtime or accepts the overtime to make more money. My daughter is your typical teenager with her smart mouth and attitude. She also has special needs. I bought Chloe to help cheer me up. I love her so much. I love my family, all of them. Now since I can't work, I'm not important anymore. All my family wants is: What's for dinner mom and did you wash my jeans? I feel like I keep going down a spiral hole. I'm a christian lady and I continue to pray. I know the lord is with me and all of this is for a reason. My parents are wonderful and I talk to them about it. There is only so much they can do for me. They listen and offer advice. I want to run away or be admitted to the pysch floor. I'm not going to harm myself or anything like that. I just wanted to know if their is anyone here that feels like me? I'm just really sad and depressed right now.:(

PS: I hope I don't get in trouble for saying all of this. I'm sorry if I shouldn't have wrote all of this. I just need to get a few things off of my chest.

You know we all feel this way at times. Unappreciated by smart alec teenagers. What about your regular doctor? Can't he give you a prescription for more medication? Sometimes everything seems overwhelming but I promise you it will get better (it has to) !! I think you may just be in a slump right now. You know your husband is working his butt off for you guys right. I know it's frustrating when he is always tired. He doesn't have a choice does he? Believe me you certainly are important. Your daughter needs her mom. Your furbaby loves you and need you. I'm a stay at home mom and sometimes I feel that I'm just the maid around here. You know the laundry, dinner... Everyone feels like this from time to time. Are you so incapacitated that you can't say join a craft group. Or maybe some kind of volunteer work. Even if it's at the library putting books back. Maybe just something to get you out of the house. If you can't than maybe something on line. Maybe you have a special skill that you can maybe make things at your home and sell them online. It will get better hand in there. You will be in my prayers. Good luck hun.

You sound so overwhelmed right now. Many, mine included, regular doctors will prescribe antidepressants to help you. Many are generic and cost about 15.00 for a months's supply.
I lost my job about 4 years ago so I know what you mean about feeling unappreciated and just there to do for everyone. I recently started volunteering at a shelter and feel better is there something that you could do within the limits of your disability that would make you feel good? Please vent all you want it helps to get it out and know we care. Hugs

I'm sure the depression has something to do with the life altering car cash, and the proper medication can help restore a balance. Not every depressed person needs medication, but the right medication can do wonders to get the chemicals in order. You may not have found the right medication. You don't say your age, but women's hormones can also have a huge effect on our feelings and perspective of a situation. I think it's normal and good for kids to take mom's for granted, they should be thinking that there mom will always be there, but it's also important that they appreciate what you do for them and have respect for your role in the family. Maybe a heart to heart at a "family meeting" would help. Perhaps your minister can be of service to you in this matter, I'm sure he could lead some kind of discussion with your family, and let them know you need to feel valued. Lots of times when mom's don't feel valued, other members of the family are feeling the same way, and this could be a good time, to see if others are feeling unappreciated. I'm glad you are reaching out to others, this is a wonderful sign, and you are taking better care of yourself than you realize. I think you are going through a particularly hard time in your life, but much of what you speak of it normal, hubbies that fall asleep and belligerent daughters; there is a payoff if you can make it through this period. Unlike others, I don't think life is just a place to have a good time, I think we are tested, and the Creator wants us to learn something. Sometimes, finding this purpose brings a new spirit in our lives. Another tip is to reach out and help others who are experiencing depression. There are many community programs for depression, and while some do charge, most are based on a sliding scale, and the cost is minimal.

This link has some good information on depression: Depression: Signs, Symptoms, Types and Ways to Get Help

This link tell how to find or start a support group in your community. Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance: About Support Groups and Chapters

Thank you everyone for their kind words. I'm 42 years old. I broke 4 vertabras in my cervical spine. I also have severe Fibro. and back problems and leg problems and feet problems etc......I could go on and on. I'm just so bored and over stressed.

You said you can't work due to injuries from a car accident. When you did work, were you on the books? If so have you tried to get Social Security Disability? They will usually deny you. But there are lawyers out there who take on these cases. They don't charge you money, they get a certain percentage of what Social Security will give you. Example, let's say you haven't been able to work for 2 years because of the accident. If you go to a lawyer they will retroactive back the 2 years for you. If you win, usually you do with a lawyer, I believe they get 23 percent of the lump sum of the 2 years. The rest is yours and every month after is yours. Once you receive disability, you will also receive medical assistance and prescription coverage as well.

Good luck hun, depression can be so severe. FORCE yourself to get invoved in something. Do you have panic attacks often?

Carol and Jemma

Been where you are sister!

This too shall pass! You ROCK for posting so honestly and freely! I will be praying for you. I hope posting this purged your spirit of some of the weight. I am very proud of you! That took a lot of courage. Im in your corner!

xoxo

~ Mikaela

Everyday I have panic attacks. I am on SS disability. It took me 13 months and a good lawyer. I worked for 25 years and have been unemployed for 2 years. I miss being important to others. It's all about my husbands job. It has always been like that. I've had some great jobs. We have tried all the depression meds at there. I want to take abilify but I can't afford it. My meds already run over $200.00 a month. That's my part not including insurance. If we didn't have insurance, it would be over $900.00 a month. There should be a law for scams on medication. If I was young and pregnant then I would get free medical care and $1.00 prescriptions and free housing. The people that has worked all of their life are the people that suffer. Middle class doesn't have a chance in today's society.

I think this is a great post. Thanks for shareing it with us. I think alot of us stay home mom are in this boat. I sure know I get to feeling like I am not even sure what I am doing around here. I know I have a great husband and I was able to stay home now for 7 years and which I was able to watch my kids grow. By husband loves animals as much as I do, so when I started the kennel he never said anything. But when I start feeling down and like a maid, I try to talk to him and he think I have in made. They don't get it!!! The only thing that gets me though some weeks is my walks with by bestfriend, she is great. I can let it all out and she understands. So it you ever need that friend to talk to, and it does help, you have us. I wish you and your family the best.

I sent you a PM, wonderwoman41.

But I just wanted to say one thing on this thread. (BTW I'm a clinical social worker with a psychology background.) One of the biggest myths people seem to have is that medicine alone will and can cure all of your mental health issues (such as Depression). NOT always/usually true! It has been scientifically proven that meds alone are not always effective. When you add counseling the effectiveness of the therapies increases! So if you need meds, the very BEST help you can receive is BOTH meds AND therapy.

I am currently a SAHM and homeschool my 2 sons (ages 12 and 9) and find myself feeling like I am stuck in a "rut" sometimes, which makes me feel depressed. I also take care of my 92 year old Nanny (grandmother) and a disabled aunt. I often feel all I do goes unappreciated but I keep going...knowing that if I am not doing all I can for my family, I feel worthless and bad...sad I know.

Just remember that even though you may not be able to support your family financially, your role is far more important...you are the backbone of your family. And please know you are not alone in your feelings, I think at some point everyone has felt the way you do.

HUGS to you! :)

This is so true!!!Even if you can't afford a therapist or clinic, groups for people with depression are everywhere. I do believe that some people can get depression so severe that medication is definitely warranted.

Honey, I'm 57 and since the age of 11 have suffered fom panic disorder. I would consider myself a expert in my own field, lol. Panic attacks will change your entire life style when gone too long untreated. You can develop quite a few phobias. One of the worse is fear of having one outside the home. So, you don't leave your home. The cycle must be broken. Have you tried Cymbalta or Lexapro? Remember you can feel worse before you feel better on any AD. And it usually takes from 2 weeks to about a month before they kick in. Some sooner, some later.

And a good physical and blood work should always be done to rule out any underlying condition.
But I suspect this has been going on awhile??

Lexapro is my salvation. I used to be very self-concious, shy & had a lot of anxiety....it helped with that. But I had my own work to do. Everyday, I make myself talk to & interact with people. It's hard & I struggle with it every day but it's worth it. Left to my own devices, I'd stay in the house all the time....not good.

Are you able to get out & about? If so, maybe try to volunteer
somewhere where you are around people. Or better yet, the animal shelter...animals know how to appreciate!

Oh yeah & watch some of the shows like Jerry Springer....they are great for a laugh & after seeing some of the crap they're doing, you'll sit there & think...OH my God, I have a great life!:p

Remember, my friend, you are the only one who can make you happy. AND you are worth it!

Everyone is so nice. Thank you for all of your kind words. I have been on Cymbalta and Lexapro. They didn't work for me. I'm on Effexor and that seems to do the best. If they increase the Effexor, then my heart starts racing. I feel like my heart is beating out of my chest. I get really sick so I'm on 75 mg. I'm on so many other medications due to my condition that I can't tolerate anymore meds.

I can't tell you how much I feel the way you do. Besides all of the medical issues your dealing with and that's depressing enough but being home after working for all of those years has got to be a bit of a lifestyle shock for you. Your teenager may seem like a pain now but there will come a day when you miss her asking you if her jeans are washed or having her jeans to wash. Those teen years can seem like a huge pain at times but they fly by so fast. I relate to your feelings of being overwhelmed and I will send prayers your way to help you through the stress of it all.

My oldest son went to Kentucky Weslyan college. You live in a beautiful area!

I have... issues.. of my own. I won't get into them here (you can PM me if you want and I'll explain more), but I DO understand.

One thing that helped me is to try to focus your energy into something positive. I used to write poetry. I've got an entire binder dedicated to my poetry - most wasn't very happy, but it helped me feel like a person again. I know you can't work, but are you able to maybe volunteer for a few hours a week somewhere to do something good for the community? How about going on meetup.com and finding a group you might find an interest in like a married womans group to make some friends. Take up a crafty hobby like scrapbooking or something. Just try to divert your attention from what you don't have into what you DO have. It takes a lot of work to be happy again, but it can happen.

About the meds - if your meds are working for you now, how about getting them from your primary care doc instead? I get mine through mine instead of going to a pyschiatrist cause of multiple reasons and I'm doing just fine.

You are not alone. With everything that is happening in world and the economy I think everyone has felt like you at some point. I would suggest, first-get a full blood workup from either your primary care dr. or gyn to rule anything else out. Keep in mind, some medications deplete your system and vitamins and supplements are necessary depending on some medications that you are taking.
2ndly-Talk with them openly and honestly, they are there to help you and can only do so if you talk with them.
3rdly-keep a journal that obviously only for your eyes. Be TOTALLY, BRUELTALLY honest about anything and everything. It will help to vent and get your thoughts out on paper. This will help you to focus or at least try to figure out what might be the triggers for you that start you feeling sad.

- take baby steps...set small, little goals and rewards for yourself. What I mean is think of something that would make you feel better. could be to make sure you put your makeup on each day or get dressed each day, put an outfit on that you would normally not wear for a casual stay at home day. small little things.

I'm speaking from experience. There was a time that I was talking with my pcp and I felt like I was at the end of my rope and that I was not coping with things very well and had a breakdown right then and there. I started balling my eyes out. Fortunately he knew of some of what was happening he researched and found a medication that I could take as I needed it as I am on other meds that most anti depressants interact with. It helped for the short term. Enough for me to get some strength to make myself get up and get dressed each day and at least get out of the house for a couple of hours.
I'm not saying that was the cure all for me but it was a start and sometimes it takes just that small kick in the a$$ to get you going. I hope this makes some sense and that it helps in some way. Hugs to you.

I feel for you, my thoughts and prayers go out to you.

My heart really goes out to you. I have had only 2 panic attacks in my lifetime and they were over as quick as they started, but it was scary, the quick breathing, the heart beat sooo hard it feels like its going to come out of your chest.

I am blessed with the ability to know how to make myself relax and let things go. I have had my share of stress believe me, the worst being the devastating break up I had with my ex-fiance of 10 years. Whenever I feel like Im at the bottom of the barrel I try to remind myself of a few things

1. It could be worse
2. Everyone has their own demons
3. take a mini-vacation from myself (get out of my head and into a good book and a glass of wine/ some GOOD chocolate, a hot bath/or a warm chair in the sun... something... even for just 1 hour is sometimes all it takes to revive me for another month of life coming full-speed at ya!)

I know this advice is not near what you probably need, but I hope that something small, all about you, once a day can help to begin to alleviate some of the small everyday stress!~

im praying for each and everyone on you .. cheer up :)

I was in SEVERE depression about 6.5 years ago and never ever thought I was going to make it. At one point I had actually hoped I wouldn't. I lost my son, age 20, 6.5 years ago. I'll never be the same but I think that depression was even a light word to use. But medication and meeting other parents helped me to know I wasn't alone. The medication is not a cure all, but I am not ashamed to be taking it either. It is probably what has kept me sane for 6.5 years.
I really hope that even talking and venting here has helped you a bit.
I'm sending you many bear hugs

Carol and baby Jemma

It's ok for you to tell how you feel on here. It's probably good therapy to know your not alone. I think like some of the other post....we all go through this at one time or another in our life. Some is worse than others. I've been down to some extent over the past year because of so many changes in my life that i don't like. I'm not one that accepts change well.:) But i know in the back of my mind God will get me through this like he always does.

Also i agree with someone else posted to find something positive to do. That will help because you don't focus on the negative as much. Hang in there you'll make it. It's just really tough sometimes and as I type this I know words seems inadequate, but on YT that's the only way we can help each other is through words.;)

Hope this helps some......and i'll keep you in my prayers.:)

oh i forgot to tell you, the teenagers are a pain....lol be patient they do come around eventually and show their appreciation for you in time. I've raised 3 teenagers which the last one is 18 and she's graduating next month. I know how you feel when it comes to this subject.:D

I was going to suggest this too. I felt pretty close to where you are at one time and had the Fibro dx. I tell you I hate that dx because it makes it easy for doctors to blame everything that happens on it. I was so depressed, so sore and achy, fatigued did not begine to explain how tired, and so many little physical things.... After a few years of trying to find answers, it turned out my thyroid had bottomed out. The first test they did was only mildly low so no one tested again for years. By the time they did it was obvious what my problem was. Once I was on full replacement thyroid meds it made a world of difference. Most depression is just that, but there is a pretty good sized percentage that is the result of an underlying physical condition. Just be sure they have checked everything well.

I wish you well whatever the cause may be. Sounds like you have done a lot of self talk. The answers are in your post. But I know it takes a lot of reinforcement. I will keep you in my prayers.

i think everyone feels how you feel every now and then. I read a couple people on here are taking lexapro. Lexapro didnt work for me so i switched to effexor which is great...:) Sometimes medications dont work, but for, having high anxiety it works very well..

I hope things start to look up for you!! Start focusing on the positive instead of the negative. It might make you feel better:) Think about the things that make u happy!:)

:big_hug:to everyone, glad you are venting is not good to keep everything inside, will say a pray for each of one of you tonight, who feel that way:ghug: just remember the devil is a lier and he hates us for been God creation.

right now yes i do hate my life. i wish i could reverse things or had some special power to heal or something:( hugs to you, i hope you are okay