So frustrated with men!!!
 

So my boyfriend was recently laid off and I've been working 2 jobs and going to school. He's pretty good about helping out with household chores (sometimes), but not very much. I come home and spend hours cooking dinner, and do A TON of dishes as I go along....but after we are done eating, I ask him if he can do the rest of the dishes (I mean, about 2 plates!!), and it's always a HUGE huff!! Like I'm asking him to donate a kidney!!

I just went back in the kitchen and noticed the food was still out, and not all the dishes were done, and he said "You never told me to put the food away!" Do I have to tell him EVERYTHING!! Asking him to take the trash out is like pulling teeth!! AHH!! I'm so frustrated!! Thanks for letting me vent!! YT is like my therapy :p

He's not working and you're working two jobs, plus going to school! I think he should not only do the dishes, but also do the cooking and any other housework! I don't blame you for needing to vent! *HUG*

if i were u i wudnt cook for him. n then wen he asks u why, u say "cuz u didn't tell me to" :p

all kiddin aside, ur workin n goin to school while he does nothing. he shud b doing ALL the housework at least until he gets another job or something. it has to be 50/50

Sounds like all men! LOL! Men are soooo lazy. My boyfriend is a blessing to me and helps me out quite a bit but I still get those occasional huffs and puffs whenever I ask him to do something. I just ignore it or tell him that I could be asking for a lot more and he needs to get over it or go to bed. LOL. You just gotta be fierce with them.

My boyfriend knows he can either like it or lump it.

Lets see...

YOU
Work job #1
Work job #2
Go to school
Cook
Do dishes
Clean the house

HIM
:confused:

He needs to step it up and help !!

Tell him if he wants his dinner, he has 2 arms and 2 legs and he knows where the kitchen is and to clean up after himself!! I hate lazy men. I have a lazy brother. My mother is 95 years old and she still cooks him breakfast, lunch and dinner. I think he just expects it. She has to beg him to run the vacuum too. She even had to hire help to do the outside shores and to spade up her garden so she could plant it. She has to tell him what to do everyday. I wish I lived closer to my Mom. I would treat her like royalty.

OH BOY DO I UNDERSTAND!!!! THANKFULLY its not my hubby that doesnt do a dang thing... its my bil... HE drives me CRAZY!!!!! Im soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sick of having to clean up after him and his kids when his kids are here (every other weekend) and if I dont do it..... I have since refused to do it... my hubby will... its sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo dumb I just want to kick my bil in the head!!!! so believe you me I FEEL YOU!!! Im ss your bf is not lifting a finger... its really hard! HUGS whew I feel a little better too!!! :D

Oh my girl, do I ever know what you mean! My bf is the EXACT same way. Except yes he does have a job, but so do I, working 8+ hours a day just as he does. I cook dinner at least 4 times a week and the other times I tell him he is on his own, and I am not coming home from work cleaning up the mess you made before you left for work, cooking dinner and then cleaning up after that 7 days a week. About every other week i go on strike and he gets the picture.

He needs to step up! My husband is retired-I'm not. The first couple days I came home to find him camped out in his chair. After cooking and cleaning up for a while I had had it. I came home one day and dh asked "what's for dinner?" I told him I ate at work because it was too tiring to come home and cook. So, if he was hungry he could make himself something. Now most nights when I get home he has dinner ready or plans to go somewhere because he's hungry.:D

I know how you feel, I am in school too and I live with my boyfriend. He does cook because if I cooked I would prob. kill both of us. But I do the laundry, clean the house, pick things up, and don't get me started on the dishes in the sink :mad:...etc. We got home sunday night from out of town and it was late so we just our bags and the laundry I took to do at my mom's in the living room and when I got home Monday, I put all the stuff up and his bag is STILL in the living room unpacked!! It drives me NUTS! And when I am on here is starts to pout! And brushing Tobie and giving him a bath does he help? NOOOO...and when I take him to get groomed and get the puppy cut he thinks he looks ugly, well if he helped me then I would not do the puppy cut!
Men I swear!!

That is so not fair. You work 2 jobs and go to school and you still come home to cook. He should at least do the cooking and cleaning while your working your 2 jobs and going to school.

I finally ditched a guy like that after 10 years! I swear they don't change if they are always like that. BF now does it all without me asking and does it right! :) Its like Im on a mini-vacation somedays! :)

Thankfully he is your boyfriend and not your husband!! I would hope his lack of ambition towards household duties will deter you from marrying him! If he is like that now, he isn't going to change. Relationships are partnerships, and he isn't holding up his end of it!! I thank my lucky stars that my husband does more than 50% of the housework!! :D

You guys are SO right!!
 

I definitely need to figure this one out. It's ironic because over the holiday's my mom was talking about leaving my dad because she was so fed up with him not helping around the house! My mom has cancer and has been going through chemo and radiation, and has had 2 hip replacements, and 1 knee replacement, and has HAD IT with my dad not helping out! Luckily, the threat of leaving him, knocked some sense into him, and my dad has been a lot better about it.

My mom said to me "If you're with a man who does NOT help around the house, I would tell you to leave him immediately!" The thing about my boyfriend is, he helps when he WANTS to. Sometimes, he'll feel like it, but then seems to expect a "thank you", and some sort of praise for it!! I don't EVER recall a "thank you" for taking out the trash, doing the dishes, making the bed, etc. That's it!! NO MORE THANK YOU'S FROM ME!!!

YOU ALL ARE SOOOOOOO RIGHT ABOUT THIS!! Something needs to be done! Otherwise, it will just build up and build up, like it did with my mom, and cause a HUGE resentment. The resentment will only hurt me in the end.

(I'm making him out to be a monster, but he's truly a VERY sweet person, and aside from this issue, we do pretty well together. Just thought I would add that little piece :p)

From a guy,
I hear a lot of frustration from just about everyone who has posted so far.
He's pretty good about helping out with household chores (sometimes), but not very much.:confused:
Sounds like a heart to heart talk is in order with some requests/tasking.
I work rotating shifts (started 11pm-7am tonight) and I still do my share, plus, around the house (dishes, laundry, trash), yard, pool and take care of the boyz. Last thing I do before leaving for a Sun-Thu night shift is ask "What time do you want me to call you in the morning? "

wake up
 

Oh my GOD, you gorls have to wak up, your not even married and your complaing, what do you tthink it will be like after you get married and start having a family, myself I would ditch them, thats so hard listening you complaining over a boyfriend, you have an eay way out right now. Can you tell I have been married for 50yrs.

Now your thinking :thumbup::thumbup: Need to stop this before you have 20 years with this guy and you end up like your poor mother.

I say give him 1 chance. Sit down and have a talk about how he needs to pretty much do everything around the house since he has no job. Cooking, cleaning, laundry all needs to be done by him because now you are working 2 jobs and have school. If he can't take care of things now, what do you think will happen when children are born? You need an equal not someone bringing you down. We women seem to think what will I do without_____? Well news flash you are doing just fine with him doing nothing, imagine how much easier it will be without him? Don't get me wrong relationships are good and I love to see them but they have to be 50/50, and with someone you know can carry things if something were to happen with you. Is he that someone?

UGH Monday was a snow day for my hubby's job so he sat home and did NOTHING. I come straight home, take the dogs out for their potty break, go straight into cooking and was cleaning in between cooking... at the end of the meal I asked him if he would HELP me clean... not do it by himself and he flat out told me NO!!! He wanted to relax. UGH! I was so irritated.

I've been married the 4th time (happily ever after now!) and all I can say is communication, communication, communication...

Don't anticipate anything, men are not mind readers and are wired differently. They also need more time to grow up and 'hotel mama' doesn't help either. If he doesn't get it now he never will...

i so agree!

I would PUT HIM OUT OF THE BED....And make a list of what you need done for the day.....I love LIST...

Men can be as difficult as kids.
My husband had to be told that Cleaning the Kitchen means not just the dishes, but also the stove top and counters.. After a couple times, and me getting fed up and atually hollering over it (because it was the only thing I ever asked him to do) thats when he finally got it.

We also had to have a battle over I'm not your maid, when you come home and change your clothes, they go in a laundry basket, not the living room floor.
But now he is a lot better with things. Though he also expects the OMG thank you sooo much for doing that, even when it's for picking up his own garbage. :rolleyes:

It's all in the training...

I remember back in the day... about 8.5 years ago, when I babysat for my sister's boy, he was at the time being fed hot cereal mixed in with his milk so that he might gorge less. Well, his diaper was REALLY disgusting, as a result. I mean, you could have told me it came out of his other end, and I'd have believed it because I've seen it come out of his mouth and it was pretty much the same. Anyway, I valued my fresh air and scent-free living. My nose became very sensitive. My other senses were not far behind. I'd gag when I attempt to change his diapers. I mean, his diapers were MANY times nastier than her first kid's was when I changed those as he was on a normal infant baby diet. Due to my very real gagging, my now hubby, but bf of the time, he did the majority of the diaper changes. LOL.

Over the years, when he's home, he got to clean up pet accidents, while I do it if it can't wait. :p He'd cook for me too if I'd eat what he makes. There are very few things he can make that I'd eat so his love of cooking for me couldn't be realized as I'd only stand to eat so much of the same thing day after day. :rolleyes: And when I cook, I generally clean up during the process, but sometimes I just leave it all for him on days I'm feeling extra lazy. Of course, after dinner, he does the dishes.

The problem with my guy is, if he's not told to do something, it would never occur to him to do it. If I ask him to do something and not specify when it needs to be done, it either gets forgotten or put off until I have to specify NOW. And he claims to want to provide for me a stress-free life. :rolleyes: I tell him HE is the source of my stress. :(

One of my former co workers walked past me one day and said "I need money" and I figured she needed money for lunch or something and I was going to give her a couple dollars, so I said "Why what do you need" and she said "I have 3 kids". I thought about it for a second and said "I thought you only had two?" She said simply "My husband..." I understood after that and started giggling.

That's the thing! It does not even OCCUR to them!! My mom and I said the same thing. I told my mom that it doesn't even "occur" to him to help her with the groceries, or cleaning the kitchen, or whatever. You are SO right!

It's all about the communication, like a few people suggested. The thing is, its ME who needs to learn how to communicate effectively. I was just talking to my mom about it, and whenever I am nagging him to do it, it just sparks a huge argument, and is ineffective. I think I need to sit him down, like someone said, and use "I statements" :p Something has got to be done, because how could I have kids with someone who doesn't help!!!!

Everyone has been so great about advice!! Makes me feel a million times better!!! It's also nice to realize that I'm not alone in this either, and that I'm not overreacting about it either. I SOOOO appreciate all of you!!! :yorkietal