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I'm disgusted with myself today I am having a fat day. Well...lets call it a fat month. I don't know what happened, but I suddenly just don't recognize myself. :( Stepping on the scale, it doesn't show that much weight gain at all, so I am baffled. I did run out of my thyroid pill that I take for Hoshimoto's (hypothyroid) and took way too long to refill it, plus I think I might be super pmsing right now since I just quit nursing, but geesh! It's ALL in my midsection...like 4 months pregnant looking, only not firm. I work from home, and most of the work involves SITTING. I need to do something quick. I have avoided pilates for quite some time because I never have time to myself to do it. I am just sitting here feeling sorry for myself in my jeans that feel like they are 3 sizes too small. I rarely get new clothes, and dh wanted to be nice and take me shopping for some clothes the end of this week. I don't want to buy clothes that fit me right now! I am just super down about this right now. I used to be anorexic, and have maintained a healthy body size for years now, but I feel like I have blown up over the past few weeks!! |
I am really sympathizing with you. I'm having a fat month too. I've been blaming the cold weather but this week we're in the mid 70's so I'm going to need a new excuse.:p I've been slacking in the exercise department also. My treadmill has probably forgotten my existence and I'll do great with daily yoga for a week or two then off for a week or two. Bathing suite weather is just around the corner so I really need to get it in gear.:rolleyes: |
Aw :(. I am so sorry you're feeling this way. I have been there, and I know how it feels when it seems like you've lost control - it can be really emotional and hard to climb out of. And, I can really, really relate to you bc I too have suffered from anorexia - and, imo, there are pieces of that disorder which can haunt you for life. I can only imagine how tough you are being on yourself. Try and remember that you are your worst critic and are probably being way too critical. Geesh, girl - look at your life - skin kids, fur kids, job, husband, thyroid issue, post-nursing, PMS - I mean, wow. The thyroid issue alone is a real culprit - it can be soooo tough to maintain a certain weight, even when on synthetic thyroid! Anyway, just try to give yourself a pat on the back for ALL that you do - and if you can, take a few steps to help you feel better about yourself - you will get there. And know that you're understood and not alone. :) |
Thank you so much for the support. I agree, with anorexia, I don't know that you ever really quit having thoughts about it. For me, I seem to always have that little voice that tells me that I am some sort of failure if I overeat or even indulge sometimes or gain a pound. That little anorexia monster taunts me everytime I get out of the shower it seems. I have family that I am seeing this weekend that I see maybe 2-3 times a year. I hate feeling so insecure during that time (not that I don't usually anyways, but add weight to it...) because I want them to remember the visit and think I looked good. I know it sounds stupid, but in my head it makes sense :rolleyes:. |
I always felt when I was younger, that I never excelled in anything, but I could look better than anybody else in my family. It's hard now for me, too. I just moved away from the mountains where I cut my own firewood and dragged it up a hill, then chopped it. My back was suffering terribly from it. Now I'm in town, just raising kids, and dogs, and I haven't gained weight either, but muscle to fat ratio is way different. Just remember that the longer you wait, the harder it is to take off. You can get back to your old self. You've done it all your life. And give yourself a break.It takes awhile to get back to normal after a baby! |
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