Cheating Husband...
 

Im here to listen. I dont know how much I can help but Im a good listener:)

It's good to vent !:eek:

Infidelity is not something to be taken lightly.

Two things can possibly happen if you tell...

1) The marriage can break up and surprisingly, one or both will blame you

2) They can reconcile and you'd loose the friendship of both

Do you get involved or not...the decision is entirely up to you. You have to ask yourself...if your spouse/boyfriend was cheating on you, would you want to know?

How will your friend take it once she finds out it was you that spilled the beans? Will she tell her hubby that you have made it all up...since no one would want to think their spouse were cheating on them, the spouse may choose to believe the cheater.

I would not want to be in your shoes because you're stuck between a rock and a hard place.

If you do decide to tell, you need hard proof...pictures, etc.

years ago my best friend's fiance was cheating and I told her only because her brother found out was threatening to kill him. Well, she believed her fiance even though the girl he was cheating with had pictures and was willing to tell her. We were best friends for 13 years and that night it changed. I haven't spoken to her in 16 years. She eventually found him cheating again and divorced him but it never was the same. I've realized though that she wasn't true to our friendship as I was. If you tell just be ready to let the friendship go. I think back on that night and I wouldn't have changed anything. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I hadn't said anything.

She needs to know, so maybe it can be done anonymously? Definitely be careful. Sorry you're dealing with this:(

I agree. I think either way, you may lose your friend. I wish you the best of luck.

People knew my x was cheating was me and yet didn't tell, I wished I would have known. However my cousin saw him with a chic in his car while having a preggers craving for a coke. She called me and told then. I had suspected but now I had proof. Once we seperated all my other family that knew came forward.

I was in a situation where my friend was cheating on her husband. I wanted to tell him but I choose not too and warned my friend to stop and fix her marriage. She did but we havn't spoken much since

Good luck it's a tough choice and being cheated on is the worst hurt

i'm here to listen if you need me

Thanks so much - Im now reading all of the posts and taking it all in.

I actually do have images - Im a photographer by trade so the first thing I thought was: shoot them! But while I was doing that - I thought I was shooting him and his WIFE. :eek:

I approached them thinking the same thing. Im so naive sometimes. Then I looked into her face and saw it was ANOTHER WOMAN! She is on vacation - he dad has a beach house here.

DOES THIS BEING A 'FLING' (shes on vacation) should that change anything?

Gosh - I thought I was capturing my friends in a romantic moment and they would relish in the images I was bringing them to view on my camera. Im in pure shock. Sick feeling. :cry:

If my husband did this to me - I would kill him. I would simply kill him. He knows the trouble I have seen! If he added THAT ON TOP - dead. And Im NOT joking at all.

Aright. Upon heavy debating with myself I have decided to throw a wrentch in and really make the decision harder. I was in the place of the person being cheated on. I will tell you my story.

I had this friend (whom I no longer talk to). We hung out ALL the time. Well one night she had invited some guys from a college (an hour away) to come and hang out with us and by the way we were in high school yet. Well I didn't get a whole lot of sleep because there were so many people there.

Fast forwarding....... my boyfriend just suddenly broke up with me about a month after that night. I never knew why and no one would tell me. Come Monday when I went back to school, I had found out from some aquaintence that he had cheated on me with his best friend (the only girl I really ever trusted him with). Well I just found out about 3 months ago (which it has been about 6 years since the breakup), that this friend of mine told him that I had cheated on him that night (which I never did). But I stopped talking to her long before this was ever brought back up but had I still talked to her I would have given her a piece of my mind for lying.

Before that boyfriend, I was dating a different guy. I refused to believe that he was cheating on me because I really like him. But keep in mind that no one specifically told me he was cheating..... it was just a feeling I got. I think I dated him for something like 8 months and he broke up with me. I never found out why but then someone finally spilled the beans that he had been sleeping with some girl at least 2 years younger than me. I was so furious that no one had said anything me. Especially the people who I thought were suppose to be my friends. Thankfully I found the guy who was right for me and we are happily married now. But I remember thinking that it was more betrayal of my "friends" to not say anything than to let it continue to happen.

I've never been, or do I ever want to be in a situation where I have friends that one is cheating and I know about it. I'm still thinking about what I may do. I don't like to be in the middle of anything, so I'm afraid I would probably distance myself from them. :(

i would have to say something but i would rather do it annoymously

my husband hates to get in other people business like that..he tells me to stay out of it..but if i knew for a fact i would set up an email account at yahoo.com and send the pics..but never tell her you sent them..unless you feel comfortable abou it

Well... since the cheating part is your friend I think it would be best if you talked to him about the whole thing. That's what friends do. Let him know that you feel bad about that and that you are in a difficult situation. Show him the pictures so he sees that he can't deny it. Let everything go from there.

IMO it's never a good idea to come between two fires and it is also not up to you to decide how serious this thing is and I, personally, would keep out of it, except of the talk with my friend.

im sorry but if you "lose" your friend because you tell them their SPOUSE IS CHEATING then they never were your friend in the first place.. how could you not want to know? everyone should be grateful if a friend told them about their cheating spouse .. i know i would be and i would thank my friend and get rid of my spouse fast.

I think the hubby is the one cheating, not the friend, although as a couple they are both friends of the OP, at least that's how I read it. It's a catch 22 and unpleasant situation all the way around. How will your friend react if you tell her and then again how would she react if you don't and she finds out down the road you knew and didn't tell her.

It's a hard place to be in. How good of a friend is she? I don't know. On one hand I feel mind your own business but on the other if she's a good friend I think there's an obligation to tell.

I'm sorry, what a moral dilemma.....

What's the old saying, "It's better to have loved and lost then not to have loved at all." I think this can be applied to your friendship. If you truly love your friend I feel you would risk your friendship in order for her to know the truth of what's going on behind her back. "The not to have loved at all." In this situation would be that you not say anything to spare yourself being hurt in this situation which to me would say that you didn't love your friend enough to tell her the truth of what you know.

Either way you will find out if you have a true friendship with your friend. Her husband is a snake and she deserves to know the truth. Then let her decide what she wants to do. I would think he is sweating in his little booties knowing that you caught him in the act. What did he have to say for himself? Good luck with whatever decision you make.

Now that you have this information, I think you really need to ask yourself what it means if you now hide this information from your friend. I find that dishonest to the friendship, no matter what the result.

I would talk to the husband and give him an opportunity to act with integrity and tell her himself; and I'd let him know that otherwise, the truth would have to come from me - which would be much more painful for her (bc of how exposed she'd feel).

This is exactly what I was thinking I would do if in this situation. I would probably also add that since you have knowledge of this fling, infidelity or whatever he would like to call it either he tells or you tell. Give him a set amount of time to make the decision. In the end I do think you will be losing your friends over his disregard for their marriage.

I can feel your pain~I am so sorry that you are in this position.:(

Ann~I think we were both posting at the same time with just about the same advice. Only yours is worded much better.;)

I agree that you should go to the one who is cheating and tell him what you know. Then tell him that you will give him x number of days/weeks to tell his spouse, or you will. Then just wait. My ex-husband of 18 years cheated on me, and after it was all over, I still don't know what I would have done if someone would have told me. However, I felt so betrayed. I am happily re-married, and I am glad that I don't have to think about that again. But I certainly would have also felt very stupid if I was the only one who didn't know, especially if my good friend did

She will find out sooner or latter. When that happens, she will also know, who knew, and didn't tell her. Then she will hate you for not telling, her. On the other hand. if you tell her, she is going to doubt you through the prosses of denial, then after everything is over, your friendship will never be the same. No win situation here. Whatever you do, dont let "him" know that you know.

The reason why I say, dont tell "him" that you know, is because a cheatting husband who's given the heads up about being discovered, is capable of anything.

I really appreciate everyone giving their take on this delicate situation. I told my husband so we too could discuss it.

Thankfully - my husband took the ball and went with it. He went down there and talked to him. I printed the images out and he took them down there for him to see. Gave them to him. I have them saved here.

My husband is 42 and this fella is 30ish. They fish together and my husband kind of unofficially mentors him - he looks up to my husband. So my husband going to him was PERFECT! :thumbup:

He seemed shameful in his actions and SAID he was going to tell his wife. My husband told him: You know how my girl is - if she thinks it - she says it. So - if you dont tell your girl chances are my girl will.

Scare tactic. Everyone that knows me knows - I call it like I see it. And with brutal child-like honesty. But I know when to open my mouth and speak - likewise - I know when to shut it and keep to myself. Most important!

So the jest of it is: He burned the pics while they were in the shed talking (understandable). He said he was going to tell her but this would be the end to them. But - it needed to be. From what he says - the marriage has simply lingered for quite some time now lacking any and all love - attention - affection - sexual relations. It was just easier to stay together - he said.

I felt I needed to report back and let you know the out come as I brought you into it. Thats about all I need to say. I hope they work it out. KIDS! :animal-pa

that about sums it up for me too - let HIM tell her

Thanks for the update. I feel bad for them...it appears with what you've written that their marriage will be over after this. I wish them all the best and kudos to your husband for standing up and taking charge...mine would have just stayed out of it!:cool: