Uh oh... talk about open mouth insert foot!
 

I agreed to go away with my man and his parents and his sister and her husband in August to Cape Cod, for only 2 nights though. They wanted us to go for 4 nights. This will be our first 'get-away' trip together. (even though we live locally) and its with his parents! Not to mention, him & I could hang on the beach all day, or do this or that, but Im not sure what his parents are up for, or his sister and her husband.

He seemed to want to go.. mentioned he never went to Marthas Vineyard... so I agreed finally... skeptically

BUT.....

I dislike the Cape! :( Its BORING! I can't imagine there being anything more to do other than looking at boats and cliffs and lighthouses (BORING!) and shopping (can't afford it) and eating (dont want to afford it! LOL)!!!

I wish I could tell him how much I dont really want to do this. I know its not going to kill me, but uuggghhh.... Im 31... id rather go to Vegas or Miami or Atlantic City! Not the Cape.

Well I've only been there once and I loved it....but of course I am 60!!!!!

60 years young Im sure Patty! :) :D

It is boring but just look at it as a good family bonding event. :D

hey there! Im from MIAMI! and the beaches here are so much nicer and the night life is not BORING!!!!
Be honest with him! Whats the worst that can happen? He gets upset for a day or two and then he will get over it!

The Cape....sounds beautiful!! ya a little dull maybe...but think of it as bonding time with your man and his family.... (it might be important to HIM that you are with him)...and maybe try and plan a little get away for some where else exciting soon.

It's only for two days. If you're serious about this guy, you need to sacrifice. Bite the bullet and indulge him and his family. You can always plan a trip with your fella another time.

yeah I know you guys are right... and we are going for 2 nights. I can't afford anything else this year, this is it... so I guess I will suck it up and do it. I am serious about him. Im just not used to the 'tight' family thing. My 2 brothers live far away and my mom lives far away and my father & I haven't spoken in 6 months. :( I envy my guys tight family, I just wish our first away trip was not with them to somewhere boring... oh well!

This is horrible, and I'll never tell him this, but I wish he knew that Im doing this FOR HIM. Sometimes I feel that he is more thoughtful with the little things than I am... and I feel bad about that. So this is the least I can do is go and have fun, even if its boring because he deserves this too much for me to say NO. :)

Thanks! :)

Ok, but Im not taking any pictures of any lighthouses! LOL :D:D

He wouldn't get upset, thats the thing... he wouldn't say anything. He would just not go and be ok with that too. But I know he kind of wants to... so I don't have the heart to say no. I would love to go to Miami!! Im afraid Im going to feel fat & ugly out there with all the beautiful people... but I want to go anyways! HAHA

AHH come on...how about some pictures of sailboats then?:D Cheer up...you might surprise yourself and really enjoy the trip....attitude really counts for a lot...says the mother of a daughter studying to be phychologist!! LOL

Oh babes your not doing it for him...you doing it as a building block for your wonderful man and relationship.

It's nice to be part of a close family...got that in hubby's family. It's really a blessing to be a part of. They are crazy but fun and good people.

Awe I'm sorry you don't like it there! Personally I love the Cape, Martha's Vineyard and Nantucket ( I even got married in Nantucket :) ).

Maybe you can find some fun activities going on during your stay? :)

Okay, NOW I get it - and I was wondering if there was a little more to it. And actually, I *really* get this bc my family was...not a good one. In fact - the word "family" just freaked the crap out of me for a long time. I didn't want anything to do w/ anyone's family. Met hubby (then boyfriend) and he was pretty close to his family - which felt scary for me. They are very welcoming and loving people - but it still took me awhile to realize fully, in my own skin, that they were *not* going to behave like my family. My point is, when your core family is filled w/ dysfunction - it truly can be tough to propel yourself into other families. AND, there is nothing wrong w/ sharing that w/ your bf - I certainly did w/ Tony, and he was happy to share it with me. It helps to share that kind of stuff. Also, if it's important for you to have bits of time alone w/ him during the family weekend - it's good to let him know that ahead of time too. We always planned for that too, just so I'd have some breathing room. :)

THANK YOU!!! I appreciate this advice more than anything, you can't imagine how much I appreciate this! I've been having freak out moments lately. His family LOVES ME for him! They keep talking about us moving in togehter, getting married, that Im already part of the family, that I fit right in, etc... I am flattered and feel good about that. I like them all very much. Im VERY social and outgoing and friendly also, so he had NO idea how nervous I am. My family is small and far away from each other now. They are also very judgemental and can be mean. Im so afraid to make a misstep and have his family not like me anymore.

Also lately Im freaking out inside about the thought of losing my independance. I LOVE him...he is GREAT! I am happy with him, he treats me wonderful. HE is thoughtful and just a great guy and person. However I have flashes of leaving my condo and find myself either panicking OR nitpicking his house to use as an excuse to not move for a LONG time. I guess I am just not ready to give up my complete independance yet. Im sure thats ok, but the more steps I take into his family the harder I feel it is to keep that side of me private from them and that freaks me out right now.

Anyways... Im sure it will pass with time and I've 'been there, done that' and know when to say yes and when to say no. I know that I'll only do things when Im mentally and emotionally ready. In other words I will not be pressured to do anything Im not ready for... like merge my life with his until I ready to take on the responsibility of another person also. (I hope you know what I mean by that)

I completely understand where you're coming from - it can feel like a lot of pressure when the other family really "loves you FOR him" (as well as him loving you). I mean, it's completely lovely - of course - but overwhelming for some of us too.

Whenever we'd go on weekends w/ the fam - we'd just always talk ahead of time about how we were going to get bits of time alone together too (walks, boat rides, whatever) - just to decompress a little from all of the togetherness. It helps.

But yeah, it's hard sometimes to take the big leap - until suddenly you just "know" - then there is nothing hard about it at all, and it's all easy. :)

I feel like I "know' he is it. He is the one and its going to happen... and maybe thats what makes me panicked... sometimes I feel that Im still too young (at heart at this point.. Im 31) to get married and settled down. ya know? So sometimes I panic a bit at the thought of losing my independance even just a tiny bit. Although today I had it out with him a little bit, I feel that we are perfectly independant capable people, him & I. I am going away this weekend with some girlfriends. He is ok with it, but clearly bummed out. I am not happy about it. I shouldn't have to feel GUILTY because Im going away for a night. So he is stessing himself out bc he wants to see me as early as possible on sunday but his ex-wife is giving him crap about getting the kids. I try to make things easy bc I dont have kids or an ex that I need to keep contact with. I dont see my dad but I am going to see my grandfather on sunday, well my guy can't make it due to scheduling conflicts with his kids and family and hes now MORE upset that he cant see me tonight, saturday and now not until late on sunday. I dont want to hear it because it scares me to think hes become dependant on my company enough that he gets upset with 2 days apart. That, to me, is not healthy.

blah blah blah.. maybe its just me! Maybe Im TOO independant. My mom thinks I'll never get married because Im too independant. lol

*Looks around guiltily* - I didn't get married until I was 38!!!!!!! Only because I'd never met anyone prior to that who made me want to stop being single. And, I guess I just wasn't ready - and I wasn't worried about kids, bc I knew I'd be happy with or without them, mine or adopted. So, I met Tony when I was 36, we started dating when I was 37, and we got married when I was 38. Old lady!

On one hand, I think it's so adorable that he wants to see you so badly. On the other, I do know what you mean where it kind makes you feel caged in. It sounds like you just have a wonderful independence that, on one hand, he probably adores - but on the other, probably makes him feel a bit insecure. He probably just needs a little reassurance that you're not going off to have a "Girls Gone Wild" kind of weekend, lol. It's sorta cute. "HONEY, we're only going to ONE male strip club. ONE. Mmmkay?" :D

I just want to say I so know how you are feeling. But that being said, I would like to offer some advice. DO NOT tell him that you think you will be bored and would rather be somewhere else. He is close with his family and they are close to you which should be telling you that he also think YOU are the one. If you tell him you don't want to go.. he AND HIS FAMILY will more than likely feel like you do not want to bond with them. Part of being in love is showing consideration and love BACK to him AND his family. It sometimes is a hard concept.. but really when you settle down with someone special it always includes their family. If they are close.. that is wonderful because families are the one thing you can count on... if they are NOT close.. well then you are still inhereting them.. just not on the same level. I think you should go.. show some excitement and look for fun things to do. really take the time to get closer to him family.. they sound like wonderful people. You won't regret not hurting him by telling him you don't want to go. I would hate to see that drive a wedge between you. There are so many people who have problems.. cheating, abuse, etc.. Your guy and his family sound wonderful and if you go into it with openb eyes and an open heart I know you will be happy you went.

38!!! Good for you for holding out until you found the right guy!! Its hard to hold out when everyone around you is taking the plunge, having kids etc... ive lost touch with friends because they got married and had kids and didnt have time for single girls like myself, but Im holding out for 'The ONE'. This guy Im dating could be it. As long as he relaxes about time apart. I cannot be glued to anyones side, its not me.

I was with a guy from age 19 to age 28. We bought a house when I was 25 and got engaged when I was 28. The relationship was 9 years before engagement and 5 months engaged before he ended it. Needless to say that left some scars on me that I dont think are fully healed yet. It ended almost 3 years ago so Im doing well and feel ready for a new relationship. However in that relationship we were VERY independant from each other. I knew it was not good to be that seperated but I also know its not good to get upset when your partner is going away for 2 days! LOL

The most Im going to do is get a motorcycle ride (should probably tell him I wont! LOL) or/and get another tattoo... IF I even do those things. He is cool to talk to about stuff, but when it comes down to it maybe he is a little insecure. I tell him all the time how awesome and HOT I think he is. I mean it too! I just hope he chills out. Its not all that bad!
Unfortunately this trip just falls on a weekend he does not have his kids and we usually have a date night or something and so he does not have the kids or me this weekend.. I know that bums him out. It bums me out too, but it is what it is. No biggie.. many more weekends in this lifetime! :) Thanks for listening and understanding! Sometimes I feel so normal but maybe I am dysfunctional too! LOL

Thank you! I am going and I would never tell him that I dont want to or would be bored. I do wish that it was not our first overnight trip. And I do wish it were somewhere a little more my style (and his style) than the cape but... Im going to have fun. I always can make the most out of any situation. I hate being upset or miserable, then everyone is miserable and its not fair, plus if I hold onto being a brat, then its just ME who is losing out, noone else. :) Thanks again!!!

At least you don't have to go to the BOONIES of NORTH CAROLINA to spend a week with a mother-in-law who HATES you!!

I consider you pretty lucky :p You'll have fun and it will be great bonding for you and your man.

About him being a little worried about you leaving, I can completely relate. I was in a really bad relationship for three years before meeting my wonderful husband, and my ex would frequently go out and do stuff that should not be done while in a relationship. I used to be OK with being left alone for a bit, but after a few years of that crap I became so insecure about it. Even though my hubby is 180% different than the ex, I still have major issues with some things. It's just me. I imagine it will continue to change, but I think it will take a long time. I wonder if something happened in his past to make him a little insecure?

Well, good luck and have fun!! He will love you even more for it!

You are right. It IS absolutely YOUR choice whether you have a good time or not. Hugs.