Please pray for me
 

DH's cousin has moved in with us. It is supposed to be "temporary" but we've been here done this before and he never leaves until we finally ask him to. Even though I STRONGLY dislike this man, I can't leave anyone homeless so here he is. *sigh*

Please pray that he actually does what he says he is going to do regarding a job and finding a new place.

Please please please pray that I do not kill him in the meantime. I have both skin and fur kids who need me and I can't afford to go to jail.

Hi Aerrica,
That's a bummer but your so kind to give it a try, again!
I wouldn't let him get away with not looking for a job daily.
Make sure he up and out. It would kill me to if he layed around
all day. Prayer's coming your way that his stay is fast. Please
stay out of jail.;)

Prayers heading out to you express mail! Been there...done that...bless your heart. :rolleyes:

That's one reason I started making mosaics. I get to break things! :D

Praying he finds a job quick and you have the strength not to kill him!! You are very kind to take him in again

I'll be parying for you. Stay strong and positive in the meantime!!

You are a good people to do this for him. I just hope he wakes up and realizes how lucky he is to have you guys. Sending good thoughts and lots of patience.

Best of luck to you. Hope all works out well.

My issues with this man are as follows:

1. This is about the SIXTH time we have taken him in in 8 yrs.

2. He has no money, no job, no home, no license, no car, no ambition and its all everyones fault BUT HIS!

3. He is 46 yrs old going on 10

4. He actually had the audacity to say to me once (and truly believe at the time) that he had more of a right to be in MY home with MY husband because he was family! He has since been set straight. Guess if I didn't kill him then I probably won't.

5. He is a slob and rarely showers unless I say something. He has gone WEEKS with no shower.

6. He is OBSESSED with the online games EverQuest and Second Life and talks about them constantly and I do mean constantly.

7. He does very little to help out around here and what little he does he only does when DH is home so that it looks to DH like he is trying. However DH works nights and sleeps during the day and this is when T does nothing but watch television, read, and play video games.

The list goes on...and on...and on....

The ONLY reason he is here is because he was truly going to be on the streets if he didn't come here.

This sounds so mean to say, but he smells. He smokes (outside) but the smell sticks to him and anything he touches like glue AND he has the worst BO of anyone I've ever met. I am constantly going behind him with air freshener and bleach (I try to do it so he doesn't notice - I don't want to be rude and I try to make it look just like regular cleaning if he does notice)

I am just trying very hard to keep my patience and my temper in check because I have next to none of either one when it comes to him.

Thanks for all the prayers. I really need and appreciate them.

You're a saint!!!!

Oh that stinks! I toss around the idea of a roommate then I hate the thought of someone being around MY house all the time and give up looking. To have one almost forced onto you by feeling of obligation really stinks! I hope he gets on his feet quickly and leaves your house quickly also. Good Luck! Don't kill him now! ;) :)

This is exactly why I'm almost relieved that the roommate BF and I had lined up backed out on us. You really are a saint and I hope this man realizes how lucky he is that you are so generous. I would sit down with him early on and set some rules, like he can only stay so many months before he leaves, job or no job.

I don't feel like a saint. I feel hateful, spiteful, resentful, and very very angry at the situation and at myself for letting myself feel bad and say yes to taking him again when I really don't want him here.

I just hate feeling this way. It isn't me and really bothers me. I am usually a pretty happy and cheerful person, but with him here I just feel like the life has been sucked out of me.

It wouldn't be so bad if he would actually put forth some effort and TRY and if he would take some responsibility for the situation he is in. OR if he would just act grateful for us letting him stay here instead of acting like we OWE it to him because he's family.

*sigh* God and YTers grant me strength.

It's hard to help someone who does not want to help themselves!
Your up against a brick wall I'm afraid. Your hubby has to open
his mouth and get rid of him if he truly does not find a job soon.
It's not fair to you at all!

It's time he got some 'tough love' from your husband. 46 is old enough to start taking care of yourself.

OMG, Aerrica:eek:. His name isn't ANGUS, is it???? I have a brother who's just about the same way (only he DOES shower daily). It's so hard to turn your back on someone esp a family member when they're down.

I know this sounds so simple, but your husband should only allow him to move in with you under certain stipulations....like, he has to shower at least every other day (or whatever you all think is tolerable) and he HAS to help out around the house, and he HAS to ....fill in the blank. It's up to you to set the rules and guidelines and stick to them. If he can't follow them in YOUR home, then he needs to leave. And that's how it should be. I feel so bad for you b/c you JUST got into your house! Anyway, if he wants help. he needs to respect you and your home and the serenity of running it YOUR way. If he can't, then I'd tell him ahead of time, this is the way it is; we're happy to help you out for (however long), but if you can't respect our wishes then maybe you can find someone else to help you out.

It's hard no matter who it is or what the circumstances are, but it's YOUR home and you deserve to feel comfortable in it and not be taken advantage of in it. Stay strong! And yes, make sure he's out looking for work! Good luck honey~

It might be a good idea (probably already said!?) that you and your husband and kids (so he doesn't pull anything over on them) sit down with him and give him the law of your house...Even though he is 'lazy' he probably has a bit of pride (or not) and sometimes people with this mentality need to be spoken to as if you're telling them a suggestion and not an order, because like a child, giving them an order makes them resist and resentful...You need to be firm as well as well as reasonable...Women can do this ...lol..
By the way, if he doesn't work, how can he afford cigarettes? And remember he did survive on the streets and can do so if need be..Everyone makes choices....
VERY IMPORTANT: A guy (and his wife) at work had a room mate who opened the door when it was dark out and their blind yorkie went out and drowned their pool...So, I don't know if your furbabies are runners, but please be careful....

Ick. Sounds bad. You're aweome for taking him in, many people would say no. Especially after #4!!

Right now he has a carton that he obtained somehow before he came here (he's been here since Thursday). Don't know what he will do if he has no job before he runs out. Dh and I don't smoke and we will not pay for someone else's habit.

You would think #1 on his priority list would be getting a job but oh no. He was asking dh if he could put a computer and internet in our house! Geeeez. *I* do not have a computer and internet in my house (I post w my cell phone).

Do ya'll think giving him until September 1st is a reasonable amount of time? That gives him 2 1/2 months.

Like the others have said, set down some rules. Would have been nice if it could have been before, but yes, definite rules.
1. Shower daily.
2. Give him specific chores that he has to do around the house. Write them out.
3. He must go out EVERY week day and look for work.
4. No internet or computer. You know he'll just play games and waste time.
5. A definite time limit when he has to be out. September is fine.
6. A definite list of does and don'ts. If he acts like a kid then treat him like one. Lay it all out and spell out the consequences.

Where is his family? Is there not anyone in his immediate family who will take him in? There is no excuse that this man does not have a job, even if it is sweeping the floor at Wal-Mart!

Bless your heart for taking him in. We will definitely be praying for you and your family.

Too long!!!!!!!!!

Thanks ya'll. I am feeling a little better today. I sat down and wrote out the rules and made him sign them. I did this with DH present and with his support.

He thought we should take a vote on some of the rules <insert rolling of my eyes here>.
I informed him that I was not running a democracy here. I am the supreme ruler and dictator and if he disagreed with the way I run my home the front door isn't very difficult to find.

He said I am a neurotic germaphobe. I once again directed him to the front door.

He asked if he could have meat if he bought it himself. I told him not in my home. We are vegetarians well on our way to going completely vegan.

So basically I laid down the law and stuck to my guns. Some of it may sound harsh but he has taken advantage and run over me in the past and I will not allow him to this time. Luckily DH finally sees him for what he is and is on my side.

Good for you! I hope everything works out for you and hubby.

Oh gosh why do people think it's ok to freeload. God bless you for once again being a good person and opening your home. I do agree with Carol though. Every morning at breakfast he would be up and reading that help wanted and pounding the pavement.

Don't you think by you guys taking him in all the time that your not "enabling" him? Sometimes it takes tough love in order for people to learn to stand on their own two feet. ;)

You know there is some truth to that. The problem is that just being a good person you don't really realize it.

So what does he just float from relative to relative so he doesn't have to maintain a residence of his own. Maybe you all need to get together and let him know he has reached the end of the line.

That is EXACTLY what he does - float from one family member to the next. He works at a job long enough for child support enforcement to catch up with him the either quits or gets "fired".

I said after the last time (which was over a year ago) that he was NOT coming back, but everyone else said the same thing so he truly had no place to go. I can't let anyone live on the street if I can help it. Especially not in this Georgia heat.

I made it very clear this time that he is NOT a guest. Until he has a full time job he is HIRED HELP in my home working for meals and a place to sleep.

I also made it clear that it costs MONEY to run the television and a/c 24 hrs a day and since he isn't able to pay the difference in the utility bill those things won't be used very often. I'll suck up the cost of extra water from him showering daily though lol.

Aerrica~ I think til Sept. 1st is really reasonable. You just have to make it clear that you're not joking about it and that he will definitely be expected to leave then, so he'd better have something good lined up.

It's nice that your dh is in agreement with you over the rules and everything. And the fact that you don't cave in to his wishes for certain things will make it a little less appealing to him to be staying there for too long (hopefully).

It sounds like maybe you have everything under control now. I hope he sticks to the rules, finds a job very quicky, and that DH continues to support you.

You sound like my mom- you have a huge heart and for that you will be blessed! You're doing the right thing by setting rules and I hope he gets his act together---prayers are coming your way!
P.S. I just had to say I was getting a visual of you walking behind him with the spray and bleach-:D

It really amazes me how someone can live like that. Then to top it all off some woman was stupid enough to think he was responsible and suitable to be a father.

I think it's great you gave him a deadline and you need to stick to them guns. Let this truly be the last time you help him. If people keep giving in to him and letting him live like that then for sure he will not change.