The 10 First Place Winners Of The International Pun Contest
 

>
>THE 10 FIRST PLACE WINNERS OF THE INTERNATIONAL PUN CONTEST
>
> No groaning allowed.
>
> Remember, you were warned...
>
>1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess
>looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per
>passenger."
>
>2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says
>"Dam!"
>
>3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
>craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have
>your kayak and heat it too.
>
>4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other
>says,"Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
>
>5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
>canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
>
> 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
>the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
>hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them todisperse. "But
>why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand
>chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
>
>7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
>family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain;
>they name him "Juan." Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his
>birth mother. Upon receiving the picture she tells her husband that she
>wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
>twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
>
>8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a
>small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from
>the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was
>unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He
>went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So the rival
>florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town
>to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their
>store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they
>did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
>
>9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
>produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
>little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet he suffered from
>bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by
>halitosis.
>
>10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his
>friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
>No pun in ten did.
>
It's harder to frown when your smiling....


Rosie :D

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a
small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from
the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was
unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He
went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So the rival
florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town
to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their
store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they
did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

So funny! Sylvia

Very cute. Puns are my favorite type of humor. Thanks

These are really cute. Can't wait to show them to hubby when he gets home.

Gotta love puns... :D

Thanks for the laugh!