can you say psycho ex boyfriends? question here: how do i get these guys to just learn to be friends without asking so many questions and without having to know what im doing 24/7. So i have two ex boyfriends (my two most recent ones) Peter whom i broke up with about a month ago and dated for seven months and Tony whom i broke up with 9 months ago and dated for 1 year and 1/2. Now I truely want to be friends with these two but their seriously getting to the point to where I am about to say its done we cant be friends. Reason being - first they both a constantly texting me constantly iming me on aim constantly calling constantly messaging on myspace and facebook. it is like i cannot get a second to breathe without these two being there already! Second, they seem to think that I have to answer to everything they ask. I went out with a different guy (of whom i cant seem to get my mind off of for some strange reason) saturday and hung out with him. That night i had peter texting me asking where i was tonight and what i was doing when he found out i hung out with this other guy 1000 questions came flying from the texts. Now Tony called me the next day and told me "we need to talk" like it was a whole relationship ordeal or something. He asked me the same thing what did you do saturday night and the same thing that happened with Peter, Tony did too. And its like they speak in such a way or write things in such a way that makes it seem like i have to answer to them in which i dont believe is right at all. One of my best friends who is biased to me going back with Peter because "she likes him, and he's a good guy" is not helping either. First because Peter and her talk all the time (weirdness!) and they talk about why i broke up with him. This conversation about why i broke up with him went on before i even told her why i broke up with him so i was a little pissed there. Second today when i told her i hung out with a new guy and stuff she was excited for me but then she asked "does Peter know about you two hanging out" i replied with "yes he does but he doesnt know that we [the guy i went out with and i] cuddled or anything" as if to let her know to not tell him because it would just cause more drama. She then stated "oh well thats good that you told him i figured he would be pretty pissed" as if i was not single or something and as if i still had to answer to Peter! What the heck!? So what do I do? how do i get them to leave me alone and how do i get my best friend to stop sticking up for peter and start sticking up for me? because she is supposted to be there for me right?! Sorry i just kind of had to vent a little bit of anger with this post as well too... im just frustrated with this situation. |
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Honestly? Cut them both out of your life until they are over you. It'll just drive you crazy. If two people break up, and one still has feelings, someone is gonna get hurt. It's best to break away and possibly become friends when there are no feelings involved. TMHO. ;) PS. You shouldn't be "answering" to anyone, boyfriend or not. :eek: |
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yeah i know what your saying about my friend, and im trying to be friends with my ex's its just not working i dont know. |
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yeah see thats what i thought was the best thing to do. just leave them and tell them we cant talk until you are over me. And ive told them that many times that they need to get over me before we start hanging out again and stuff like that, they insist that they are over me but they are lying to themselves. I know, it makes me very angry when people act like i should be answering to them. |
It's better to make a clean break from both the guys because honestly they seem a bit off. You need to watch your homegirl too...she might just be a bit interested in your ex that she favors. Only you can know what guy is right for you. Don't let anyone lead you one way or the other because at the end of the day your the one that has to be in that relationship with them. There is a reason you broke up with them both so stick to your guns. |
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sticking to my guns is the hardest part for me too. I am always like oh maybe ill give him another chance and then nope doesnt work cause things go back to the same thing. I know i dont know whats with my friend lately either she's just being weird. But she's married so i dont know whats going on with that. you have it right they are both kind of a bit off. |
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I agree completely! |
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OMG.. I hear ya! Everytime I break up with a guy and say I want to be just friends, they NEVER leave me alone!!! IM, TXT, call, invite out... My only guess on how to handle this is to be very honest when you break up with them. Tell them they are not for you and you do not want to be friends. I have SUCH a hard time hurting someone's feelings (as Im sure most people do) that when I break up with a guy I tend to leave the door a crack open and it gives them false hope that they may have a shot with me later on but thats not the case. I just need to start telling the guy that it is not working, period. So I hear ya! |
Actually to continue... Im in the SAME boat right now. I broke up with a guy almost a year ago. It was not working, there was NO chemistry... I tried to make it work for a year cuz he is a GREAT guy... but it got to the point that I started resenting him and stopped appreciating his GOOD qualities bc the feelings were not there. So I broke up with him. I told him that I was starting back to college and working full time and I just don't have time, which is partly true, but honestly if I REALLY liked him I would have made time. I just was not into him. I wish I told him that at the time. So for months we've been 'friends'. I know he wants more and keeps wishing I'll change my mind. Its not going to happen. And now Im stuck bc I met a guy I really like and started dating him a month ago and Im afraid to tell the ex! I shouldn't really care bc at the end of the day its up to me to make myself happy, but I hate the fact that its going to hurt him. I also hate that he'll probably take his hurt out in an angry way toward me, like say mean things and stuff and I dont want to deal with it. Isn't that horrible? UUGGGHHH I have to say though, I wish some guys were not soooo emotional that they cannot understand that its not always going to work with a girl they like, whether they want it to or not. Good Luck with your dilemma girl! Just remember, at the end of the day, its your life and these guys will eventually get over you, so do what you need to do to rid yourself of them, you dont want to be tied down out of a false sense of obligation, you don't owe either of them anything, esp a sacrifice of YOUR happiness! :) |
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Great advise!!! Its best to leave ex's in the past. It never works out being just friends so soon after a breakup. I am friends with a few of my ex's but that was after running into them a yr or two after the breakup. |
jmho WHY ARE YOU STILL TAKING THEIR CALLS???????????? I would change my number.. you know they are exes for a reason and as much as you wish they could be your "friend" it just NEVER works out... just worry about the new guy... and ignore the other ones... they dont deserve the time of day from you... just stop giving in before it gets worse... and your friend??? dosent sound like that GREAT of a friend to me... |
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