Originally Posted by Bizzymammabee (Post 1614449)

He has a few red flags for me. Seems to not have much drive and ambition. I know when your young and just finished high school you sometimes feel like you need a break. He has already had a semester off and should be making plans or making moves.

At 19 how much debt does he have? I agree that it's nice to be with someone that makes as much money as you do but that is not always the case and you shouldn't let money rule your life like that. Over the years hubby and I have made changes to our careers so we have had income fluxes. That doesn't bother me at all. I just personally can't and won't be with a man with no ambition but I don't care what he does for a living as long as he does something.

The neediness and not taking into consideration your personal situation does send up a big flag for me. Seems very selfish and like he will be a very possessive person and I don't like people like that. Part of being in a relationship is trusting. While he jokes about which ex etc you were hanging out with he means that. Especially being as you have told him it bothers you and yet he still continues to bring that up. I have seen girls start out with boyfriends like that and they progress into more and it gets a bit scary.

If I were you seeing as your currently career minded I would date around. I would not waste my time on him. You will see as you get a bit older and enter different phases in your life you will meet people that match those levels. Right now I think you should concentrate on school and see how things go. I think if you don't date a few people you can't really honestly know what you want in a mate. There is a little experimenting that goes on in relationships and you learn what you can and cant' live with or without. I am not saying you have to date a lot of people but your young so don't limit yourself. I have a little sister your age and some nieces and nephews not that far behind. I have given them the same advice that I have shared with you.

Good luck. If you were my sister asking me about this situation I would tell you to get rid of him and keep it moving.

Originally Posted by Buddy-licious (Post 1614456)

You may only be 19 years old but you sound like a VERY smart girl!!! Most 19 year olds wouldn't even recognize all his issues BUT you see them ALL!!!!
This is my opinion: The hug & kissing thing says that he is very insecure. The jealousy issue also says he is insecure. The debt issues says he is very irresponsible. No job says he is lazy.
I love the fact that your education is so important to you!! But he sounds right the opposite of you... he has no interest in his education or working!!!
Please, please move on!!!! One day you are going to have a college degree and a great job ....he is going to be uneducated and unemployed!!! You deserve so much better!!!!
Like I said, you are a smart girl...I think you know what you need to do!!!!!
Best of luck....keep us posted!!!!!!!!

Originally Posted by Stella's mom (Post 1614467)

Your quote:

"So I have a couple of choices, stay with him and deal with all of the kisses and hugs that i have to give him and try to change and hope that he changes and does something with his life or leave."



I've read your post at least 3 times and I'm trying to figure out what about yourself you should try to change. You go to school, work, spend time with your family and take care of Oliver. You don't have outrageous debt and it sounds like you would like a stable future, sorry but it doesn't sound like you are the one that needs to change for this relationship to work.

Originally Posted by Superstarkba (Post 1614469)

Girl move on! i am going/went through this.. and trust me it will ALWAYS be the same as it is now!!! I have tried to "change" it and it wont work.. I know that everyones telling you to move on and they are right.... you can look back at my posts and see how many times I have complained about my x..and I finally broke it off. If you ever need anyone to talk to im here, and im going through it now!

Originally Posted by Bizzymammabee (Post 1614497)

Remember as a woman we always need to know our worth. I dont' think he sees or understands yours. So you need to be the stronger one and realize that you are that one and deserve better.

Originally Posted by patty58 (Post 1614512)

Oh honey, too many red flags. My daughter never listened to those red flags. She always thought she could make them change and usually someone doesn't change. She has had 2 relationships like that. They both ended badly. One guy she even married twice 'cause he told her he had changed. Please, please listen to what your mind is really telling you....even if it hurts for a little while. You deserve much better.

Originally Posted by Buddy-licious (Post 1614456)

You may only be 19 years old but you sound like a VERY smart girl!!! Most 19 year olds wouldn't even recognize all his issues BUT you see them ALL!!!!
This is my opinion: The hug & kissing thing says that he is very insecure. The jealousy issue also says he is insecure. The debt issues says he is very irresponsible. No job says he is lazy.
I love the fact that your education is so important to you!! But he sounds right the opposite of you... he has no interest in his education or working!!!
Please, please move on!!!! One day you are going to have a college degree and a great job ....he is going to be uneducated and unemployed!!! You deserve so much better!!!!
Like I said, you are a smart girl...I think you know what you need to do!!!!!
Best of luck....keep us posted!!!!!!!!

Originally Posted by Betty'sMom (Post 1614540)

:thumbup: I AGREE!! Too many negative qualities. What positive qualities does he have??