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-   -   He is so nice it's starting to bother me! (https://www.yorkietalk.com/forums/off-topic-discussions/107565-he-so-nice-its-starting-bother-me.html)

Tillys_mom 12-13-2007 09:10 PM
He is so nice it's starting to bother me!
 
My hubby is in his senior year of college and he is in a group with 3 other guys doing a design project. My husband is doing his work and the work of the others. At first I think he did it to keep peace but now they are just taking advantage of him. They wait for him after classes, call him on weekends, you name it and they will get him to do their homework. My husband is so go with the flow he won't say anything. I told him he needs to bring it to the professors attention that he is doing the whole project basically on his own. He keeps saying that he needs to and it makes him mad but he keeps on doing their work. I never get to see him it seems. :( He is gone from 7 AM till sometimes 10 PM. Then he wants to go to bed at midnight. If he wasn't doing their work he would be coming home most everyday at 4:30. This has to stop. I really am starting to feel like a single mom here. I just needed a good vent.

BubblPopElectrc 12-13-2007 09:13 PM
Tell him to stop!! I hate when people take advantage of others like that.

All he has to do is start playing dumb and they'll either believe that or they'll get the hint. :p

Tillys_mom 12-13-2007 09:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BubblPopElectrc (Post 1605981)
Tell him to stop!! I hate when people take advantage of others like that.

All he has to do is start playing dumb and they'll either believe that or they'll get the hint. :p
Yeah another thing is one of guys took over and he likes to play boss so he will tell them for example lets meet at noon and then Joel and another guy will show up and the bossy one wont even show. They will "work" on something for days that takes my husband 2 hours. I guess it's that if I was him I would say something like that's your work do it yourself but he isn't quite that outspoken I guess. Also, if they need help they need to ask the professor, not push it off on my hubby.

Rae Rae 12-13-2007 09:19 PM
I hate when people take advantage of others! At my school, it seems like some people just don't care, and it sucks when you put in groups with them. I don't see why some people even go to school if they don't wanna do the work..I mean no one WANTS to do the homework and projects, but if your paying tuition you definitly need to learn something!

BubblPopElectrc 12-13-2007 09:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tillys_mom (Post 1605986)
Yeah another thing is one of guys took over and he likes to play boss so he will tell them for example lets meet at noon and then Joel and another guy will show up and the bossy one wont even show. They will "work" on something for days that takes my husband 2 hours. I guess it's that if I was him I would say something like that's your work do it yourself but he isn't quite that outspoken I guess. Also, if they need help they need to ask the professor, not push it off on my hubby.
Is it like group work-type stuff?

Tillys_mom 12-13-2007 09:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BubblPopElectrc (Post 1605999)
Is it like group work-type stuff?
Yeah, they are all suppose to divide the work up. He gets it all though. :rolleyes:

BubblPopElectrc 12-13-2007 09:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tillys_mom (Post 1606007)
Yeah, they are all suppose to divide the work up. He gets it all though. :rolleyes:
I hate group work!! It almost always goes that way.

Lillium 12-13-2007 09:39 PM
He needs to stop! That's not fair, and honestly, it sounds like they're taking advantage of him. Have a chat with him about how you feel about it, without being cranky, and see what he says. Good luck. :)

Tillys_mom 12-13-2007 09:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BubblPopElectrc (Post 1606022)
I hate group work!! It almost always goes that way.
I always hated group work too. :rolleyes:

Tillys_mom 12-13-2007 09:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lillium (Post 1606045)
He needs to stop! That's not fair, and honestly, it sounds like they're taking advantage of him. Have a chat with him about how you feel about it, without being cranky, and see what he says. Good luck. :)
Yeah, I've told him how I didn't think it was very fair for them to treat him like that. He just said if I don't do the work, who will?

Rae Rae 12-13-2007 09:49 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tillys_mom (Post 1606065)
Yeah, I've told him how I didn't think it was very fair for them to treat him like that. He just said if I don't do the work, who will?
He should be able to talk to the teacher about it. My school is very small, so the teachers know what each student is all about, and whenever we have group work they always tell us to let us know if anyone didn't participate because it will affect their grade, or they have us do reviews on our groups after the assignment, and sometimes their anonomous (sp?) Hopefully if he talks to his teacher his teacher will be understanding.

Tillys_mom 12-13-2007 09:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rae Rae (Post 1606072)
He should be able to talk to the teacher about it. My school is very small, so the teachers know what each student is all about, and whenever we have group work they always tell us to let us know if anyone didn't participate because it will affect their grade, or they have us do reviews on our groups after the assignment, and sometimes their anonomous (sp?) Hopefully if he talks to his teacher his teacher will be understanding.
That's how hubbys college is. Very small private college. So I think most professors remember the students, or so it feels that way when I'm there. They also do reviews at the end. Are you sure you don't go to his school. LOL This project will last till May. :rolleyes: I'm just jumping for joy.

Lillium 12-13-2007 10:07 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tillys_mom (Post 1606065)
Yeah, I've told him how I didn't think it was very fair for them to treat him like that. He just said if I don't do the work, who will?
Grrr. Well he needs to tell his Professor. That's not at all fair. I hate group work.

Rae Rae 12-13-2007 10:19 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tillys_mom (Post 1606091)
That's how hubbys college is. Very small private college. So I think most professors remember the students, or so it feels that way when I'm there. They also do reviews at the end. Are you sure you don't go to his school. LOL This project will last till May. :rolleyes: I'm just jumping for joy.
My school's quarterly and the quarter just ended, no projects going on (at least to my knowledge) so probably not, lol. But if his school is small, well like in my school there's atleast one person specifically that doesn't give a damn about anything, and we all know about this. When people get this person in their group, they are already on alert and some even talk w/ the teacher before hand. So if these people in your hubby's group are acting like this now, chances are that they keep trying to pull this, and pull it w/ other people, more people will know what their doing, the teachers will talk (they do talk!) and that'll make it easier for your hubby to go to the teacher. But I also reccomend him going to the teacher ASAP, if he waits until he turns the project in, the teacher could just say "you should've said something sooner"..even if the teacher doesn't do anything, then go to the dean. This must be a huge project, from the way your describing the hours he spends on it, the fact that it's not even due for another 6 months..and if it's worth a lot of credit then his groupmates don't diserve it if their not even working on it.

TurtleDove 12-13-2007 10:25 PM
I hate working in groups also, especially when people within the group can't be counted on to do their own part. There have been times where I've done more work than I should have, but I'd rather do more work and get a good grade as opposed to failing something because my group members are irresponsible. That's why, if given the choice, I'd much prefer to work by myself.

And, shame on those people who are bothering your husband to do their homework for them! He should tell the professor what's going on in his group.

Tillys_mom 12-13-2007 10:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rae Rae (Post 1606134)
My school's quarterly and the quarter just ended, no projects going on (at least to my knowledge) so probably not, lol. But if his school is small, well like in my school there's atleast one person specifically that doesn't give a damn about anything, and we all know about this. When people get this person in their group, they are already on alert and some even talk w/ the teacher before hand. So if these people in your hubby's group are acting like this now, chances are that they keep trying to pull this, and pull it w/ other people, more people will know what their doing, the teachers will talk (they do talk!) and that'll make it easier for your hubby to go to the teacher. But I also reccomend him going to the teacher ASAP, if he waits until he turns the project in, the teacher could just say "you should've said something sooner"..even if the teacher doesn't do anything, then go to the dean. This must be a huge project, from the way your describing the hours he spends on it, the fact that it's not even due for another 6 months..and if it's worth a lot of credit then his groupmates don't diserve it if their not even working on it.

My hubby is quarterly as well. This project started in September and it lasts the whole senior year. It is a huge project. All seniors I believe have a project. Hubbys friends never are tied down with theirs though. The project is land development, he is getting a civil engineering degree. They don't get any bits of their grade till the end so I agree he will say it is much to late to complain. There are nights where he is stuck at school and he will call and talk to me while he is working just so he can hear my voice. A lot of the work is testing soil so he can't really do that at home. :rolleyes: I really wish he would listen to me.

tjdmom 12-14-2007 04:37 AM
As aggravating and frustrating as it is and I totally understand that. I would try not to say anthing (I know that's hard) but my experience has been that if you argue with your husband, he will kinda release his frustrations with you but if you ignore it, he will get frustrated enough that maybe he will say something to them. A long time ago, I read something about that. That in a relationship, when something likes this happens, one of the partners takes on the anger and the more that one gets angries, the less the other partner gets upset. It's like a release valve or something. Once the angry person isn't upset, it kinda forces the non angry person to step up. And it always works at my house. Although, sometimes it is hard to keep my mouth shut and I'm not always successful. :(


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