Should I or shouldn't I? (Personal issue)
 

I am in a bit of a quandary and would like your honest opinion about something.

In 1997, I started a business with a family member-her idea (I know, big mistake). She said she had the capital, I trusted her (shouldn't have). At any rate, the business did not succeed as much as we had hoped. We were operating in the red, though still had the potential to turn things around. My business partner was self employed in another business (I did not know it too was operating in the red). She closed that business. She then got several different jobs that she quit for a variety of "personal reasons", most often that she just did not like the boss or could not get along with other staff. During this time, she was not putting any effort in to our business, while I was working a full time job and running my own "other" business.

One day, while unemployed, she sold her house and then filed personal bankruptcy, without the courtesy of giving me some warning that this was to happen. Out of the blue, I get an email that in essence says she filed the big BK and "congrats, you are the proud owner of all of our business debt". I won't say how much, too much. Well, things got ugly with attorneys and such and we have not spoken since. I ended up with a pittance of $ from her BK, which I applied toward paying off our business debt. That small amount did not begin to pay the attorney bills I incurred to deal with the business side of her filing BK. At the time she filed the big BK, I bought her share (more money invested) of the business from her, so she no longer had any stake in it at all.

Today, I paid off all of that debt. I feel so proud and at the same time so angry to have let myself get into this mess! It has taken me 7 years to do this, working full time at essentially two jobs to make it happen. About this time, my former business partner is probably celebrating in that the magic 7 years has passed to discharge her BK and she can once again start running up credit card debt.

So here is my quandary. Part of me, my peri-menopausal side, :mad: wants to rub it in her face and send her a "congratulations card", announcing the business debt has been paid off. The non peri-menopausal side of me says "don't invest the energy".

What would you do? Rub it in her face or let this date pass quietly by?

I wouldn't waste the energy. If she is family then it will eventually get back to her (you could "let it slip" around other family members to make sure).

That way you 1) Look like the bigger person because you didn't rub it in her face, and 2) Still get the pleasure of knowing that she knows so still sort of rubbing it in without actually rubbing it in.

Does that make sense?

I guess I should clarify something. The only family left living is this woman and her brother's. They are all really close, and I am certain that she has had nothing but unkind things to say about me. I don't think the rest of us have exchanged a card or a two-word email since she filed BK, so there would be no one to let things "slip" to.

Wow congratulations! That is an absolutely amazing accomplishment! I personally wouldn't waist another thought about that person. She has sucked enough out of you and with her values probably couldn't appreciate what you were able to do (and she was not) anyway. Celebrate- you certainly deserve it.:)

:thumbup: great advice I agree.

I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of getting a card. You should be proud of yourself.

In that case, I agree with Nikki. Just be proud of yourself (I know I'm certainly proud of you and very happy for you!) and don't waste any more of your time or energy on her.

Yeah, don't waste your time. You don't want to give her the satisfaction of thinking she really got to you and you haven't forgot in 7 years. I wouldn't stoop to her level.

Congratulations! You should be sooooo proud of yourself and what you have accomplished. Don't waste your time with this family member, either in time, thoughts, or the cost of a card and stamp. She will dig herself in another hole all by herself. Way to go.

I wouldn't waste the energy either! And congratulations on paying the debt!! That is a huge thing, a great thing! I know you feel so proud!

I have a greeting card that i could give you to send to her...it says' "you are cordially invited....(then on the inside) to eat $#@% and die"


hehe

i'm kidding of course ( but i do have the card if anyone else could use it LOL) i would not waste much energy on her. i know how hard it is to NOT say something about it, but honestly, just be proud of yourself and do your own thing. don't let her bring you down and don't waste any more of your money (on the stamp) and enjoy your new found financial freedom.

while she may be free of that 7 year BK, she still has a lot of re-building to do so i don't suspect she will be enjoying herself too awful much.

First off, CONGRATULATIONS! If I was in your situation, I think I may be tempted to try and show her up, but I think knowing that you worked yourself out of the situation and that you did it without using the easy way out would be satisfaction enough. And, like if you said, your former business partner will just go back in debt, it doesn't sound like she has learned anything at all. Be happy for yourself, enjoy your success.

What would Gracie think? ;)

Wow!! :yay_jump: a BIG congrats for paying off that debt. What are you doing with the business now that is paid off? Or has it been sold?

I, too, would not bother with her.....I wouldn't even think about it. I know that you are proud of yourself for not taking the route she took, but I would just leave it be and relish in the joy of your accomplishment! :justahug:

Congratulations on paying off your debt! Your former business partner doesn't deserve acknowledgement of any kind, you don't want her to think that you have ever given her a second thought....good or bad!! Go out and have a celebration dinner and feel good about yourself, you earned the right....literally. At least you have the satisfaction of knowing that you paid off your debt with your own hard work and no assistance. At the end of a good days work, you can pat yourself on the back.....can she? I doubt it!!

You've done great getting out of that mess. Good for you!!! :thumbup: Like others have said, I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of any communication. To someone like that, it wouldn't mean anything, anyway.

Just be darn proud of yourself... we are here!!!! :D

Wow, that is a unanimous opinion! Thank you all for your support and kind words. I'm not doing anything with the business for now. I still own it, rather my "other" company owns it. I have just been trying to pay off the debt. I may start it up again, when I have time and energy. Who knows.

I just wish I could figure out a way to stop thinking about this woman. We were never exactly close until this business thing came up. I think over time she manipulated me into believing we had a closer relationship than we did, because she saw me as a source of income. This was a big hurt. Maybe I need to get it all out, write it down in a letter, then ceremoniously burn the letter in the fireplace? HMMMMMMMM

For now, I am putting it all away for the day. I am going to go take a shower and take Gracie to the PetCo fashion show!

Thanks again.

Congrats to you!! A job well done!

I wouldnt waste the time or energy to send anything!!!! But if I was going to then I buy big add in her local paper and post it!!! :rolleyes:

I wouldn't waste your time or energy on her.

congrats!!!!!! though on pulling out of it and overcoming the issue. Proud of you.

Congrats. on all of your hard work!.....This speaks volumes on your character.....

I understand about not being able to get this other person off your mind...I guess when we feel used or taken advantage of it's only natural to want to straighten it out get the last word.......but I totally agree with everyone else, it's time to let it go, and chalk it up to a hard lesson learned....

Congrats on accompolishing what you must have thought would be impossible 7 years ago. And, personally, just from reading your posts, I think you have far more class than to waste you time playing the childish "Na-na-na-na-na-naaa-na" game. She'll find out soon enough and she'll be the jealous one. :clapsmile Kudo's to you for a job well done!

I just wanted to say that I am very proud of you for paying off all that debt off!!! I am sure this was so much work!!!! Good for you!!!!

:bravo: What a wonderful job to pay off a substantial debt and not take the route she did. :cheer: :cheer: I am sure there have been very difficult days because of the pressure to pay it off. I like the idea of writing the letter - I find this is a great way to relieve and express something without ever getting in someone else's face. ;) Or maybe you could write a letter to yourself about the pride you have in what you accomplished, detailing what it took to overcome this mountain. Wow, remember this huge accomplishment & if in the future you feel overwhelmed by a responsibility or something you want to accomplish, you can look back at this and know you have the stamina and backbone to see the project through to the finish line.

You don't have to write it down and burn it- you have us!;) Tell that bi*** off (figuratively) and we'll be your cheerleaders!

Congrats!! You have a lot of integrity. I think at the end of the day she will get what is coming to her!! Be proud of ur accomplishments and focus on building ur biz!

What an achievement ... pat yourself on your back and do not give this woman another thought ...

very sad that someone related to you wold do such a thing ....

I firmly believe that what goes around comes around.
This woman will get her just desserts and what will happen to her will be a lot worse than what she did to you.
I had a manager borrow a lot of money from me (sob story) and I couldn't get her to pay me back even though we worked in the same place. She eventually had me transferred to avoid facing me.
I wanted to blow the whistle so bad but had given her my word not to say anything.
I never did.
But in the end she ended up losing her job because she was borrowing from everyone! Now, she's working at McDonalds! :D

Wow, You have just been added to my list of heros! Doing what you have done takes a lot of stamina, discipline and hard work! Great job. I was going to tell you to send her a card until I read what everyone else had to say. Good thing no one ever listens to me! They are right. Rejoice in your personal victory and know that the rest of us are really proud of you!