Originally Posted by Wylie's Mom (Post 3087758)

From this site: Surviving Pet Loss

SURVIVING PET LOSS

When you face that huge emptiness inside, it's tempting to just give yourself over to grief. At the same time, a certain amount of survival instinct reminds you that you still need to do something to keep going. But what? Grief makes it hard to think, to plan. What can you do to keep that hole from swallowing you?

1. Eat something. You may not feel hungry, but food is important. Grief burns a lot of energy; you need fuel. If you can't face a full meal, nibble. Eat NOW, whether you want to or not.

2. Cry. Cry as much as you want to, whenever you feel like it.

3. Find something to do. This may seem trite, but focusing on a task really does help. The more you do, the less you dwell...

4. Count your blessings. When you lose a loved one, it's hard to focus on anything positive. Remind yourself of some of the good things that you still have by deliberately reviewing a list of your "blessings" - such as your family, your remaining pets, your friends, your interests.

5. Reflect on things that don't involve your pet. The loss of your pet may seem to touch every aspect of your life, but in reality, it hasn't changed EVERYTHING. Reflect on things that have not changed -- the things that you did and enjoyed without your pet.

6. Cuddle something furry. If you have another pet, give it some extra cuddle time - even though part of your mind is thinking that this isn't the pet you WANT to cuddle. It's still warm, and furry, and may be very confused and concerned right now. If you don't have another pet, consider cuddling a stuffed animal. Spouses are nice, but you need fur. It sounds strange but at least try it.

7. Avoid irrevocable decisions. Don't do anything you can't undo. For example, if you can't stand the sight of your pet's toys, don't throw them away - put them in a box out of sight.

8. Replace negative imagery. The last moments of your pet's life can become a powerful image, whether you witnessed them or not. If you believe that pets go on to an afterlife, for example, try replacing the image of the "last" moment of your pet's life with the "next" moment: The moment it arrives, healthy and whole, on the other side. If you don't believe in an afterlife, concentrate on the special things you did for your pet to make THIS life a blessing for it.

9. Be honest with yourself. You've been wounded, and you hurt. You're not weak, crazy, or overly sentimental to feel this way. You WILL hurt, and it will take time to heal.

10. Make a decision to work through grief. For some people grief has persisted for years: They are just as upset, just as angry, just as miserable over their loss as they were the day it happened. Such people tend to be consumed with bitterness, obsessing over their loss - and not only do they suffer, but they also bring suffering to everyone around them. You can't control whether or not you grieve. But you can decide whether or not to let that grief control YOU.

Lastly, be sad for those who lives will never be touched by such a wonderful creature. They may never know this feeling. You may not feel like it now, but it is a blessing and you have gained spiritually from it.
Cherish the memories with a warm smile. Smile because you know that pets always feel what you do...make them happy to know you are well.

Grief upon the loss of a pet is a normal response, and a very individual one. For some people, grieving for a pet who has died may be an even more difficult process than grieving for a human loved one. One reason is that the support network of understanding and caring people may be smaller. If a person has lost a human loved one, the friends, family, co-workers, etc., will all be understanding. They may send cards, flowers, and offer food and companionship. This is often not the case when a pet dies.

The death of a pet is difficult enough to bear; in some cases, the whereabouts or cause of death of the pet is unknown. The pet may have run away or been stolen, or, the owner may have needed to surrender the pet to a humane shelter. In these situations, there is seldom any 'closure.' The owner does not know when or if the pet has died, or if lost, whether the pet will ever come back. As a result, when to stop searching and when to start the grieving process are unsure. There may also be additional guilt associated with this type of loss.

Doing something positive during this time of sadness may help the grieving process by celebrating the life of the pet. Activities which may help include:

* Planting flowers or a tree in memory of the pet
* Making a charitable donation or volunteering your time at a local shelter
* Holding a funeral or memorial service
* Placing your pet's nametag on your key ring
* Creating a memorial photo album or scrap book
* Framing a photograph

Do Animals Grieve?

We all know of animals who have stopped eating, playing, or interacting when another pet in the household has died. They are experiencing a loss of their own; plus they often sense the owner's sorrow as well. After a pet dies, we can help the other pets in the household by keeping their routines as unchanged as possible. Increasing their activity through going for walks or playing with toys may be helpful. This will not only benefit your pet, but help you too. If they are acting depressed or are not eating, be careful not to reinforce or reward their behavior. Giving them extra attention or different food when they behave this way may actually cause them to start using those behaviors as ways to obtain more attention or get special treats.


After All, He was Only a Pet?

The death of a pet is never an easy time. Whether it is an older animal, who may have been a part of the family longer than most of the furniture and some of the children, or a pet who has been with you for only a few years, the loss can be truly traumatic. And if the end comes through a conscious decision for euthanasia, other emotions become entangled with the basic sense of loss. Once it's over, you may prefer to think that the experience is behind you. Unfortunately, it is not.

There will be a hole in your household and in your life for a while, and for the first part of that "while" the hole may seem huge. There ARE ways to fill the gap. However, the loss itself is not something you can simply ignore, assuming that your world will adjust itself. Instead, you must deal with that something, just as you would deal with the loss of any other good friend. Yes, it is a different kind of relationship, but to behave otherwise is to try and change your attitude in mid-stride. You cannot expect yourself to think of your pet as a friend and then to dismiss those feelings as disposable because THIS friend happened to be an animal. It is NOT silly to miss your pet, and it is NOT overly sentimental to grieve.

Another difference lies in the always complicated idea of "what happens next". Many people, especially older folks, express a very real concern that they won't see their animals in the next life (whatever that may be) because they have been told that animals have no souls. Maybe you, like me, are a little unsure about what exactly " the next life" holds for any of us. However, if having a soul means being able to feel love and trust and gratitude, then aren't some animals better equipped than a lot of humans?

But still, he was pet and not a person, and that makes it more complicated to sort out exactly what you are supposed to do and feel. Although we recognize the individual personalities in pets, that doesn't mean that they are just little people. The relationship you have with your pet is different from any human relationship you may have. We have the responsibility to care for animals and to learn from them. As we domesticated pets, they became dependent upon us for their needs. Part of caring for them, especially in a technologically advanced society, often means deciding when an animal can no longer live a happy life or even a content one.

When an animal is made a pet by a responsible, caring person, he is being given exactly what he needs and wants: his "creature comforts", companionship, and the opportunity to return the favor through loyalty and affection. Dogs, especially, are naturally eager to please the "leader of the pack", and the owner takes on that role. So the dog is never happier than when he knows that he is pleasing that person. When he is too old or too sick to respond in the way HE thinks he should, he can't understand why and feels the anxiety of failure.

Because their natural life-spans are shorter than ours, we usually outlive our pets. However, the life you shared cannot simply be abandoned. Don't deny yourself the thoughts, memories, and feelings that your pet's life deserves. You may decide to fill the hole with another pet. However, you can never replace the special bond you held with the one who is gone.

Originally Posted by ziggy925 (Post 4355552)

Fantastic thread, especially the OP. My girlfriend just lost her Westie and I'm going to copy this for her. Thank you.

Originally Posted by Wylie's Mom (Post 3087758)

From this site: Surviving Pet Loss

SURVIVING PET LOSS

When you face that huge emptiness inside, it's tempting to just give yourself over to grief. At the same time, a certain amount of survival instinct reminds you that you still need to do something to keep going. But what? Grief makes it hard to think, to plan. What can you do to keep that hole from swallowing you?

1. Eat something. You may not feel hungry, but food is important. Grief burns a lot of energy; you need fuel. If you can't face a full meal, nibble. Eat NOW, whether you want to or not.

2. Cry. Cry as much as you want to, whenever you feel like it.

3. Find something to do. This may seem trite, but focusing on a task really does help. The more you do, the less you dwell...

4. Count your blessings. When you lose a loved one, it's hard to focus on anything positive. Remind yourself of some of the good things that you still have by deliberately reviewing a list of your "blessings" - such as your family, your remaining pets, your friends, your interests.

5. Reflect on things that don't involve your pet. The loss of your pet may seem to touch every aspect of your life, but in reality, it hasn't changed EVERYTHING. Reflect on things that have not changed -- the things that you did and enjoyed without your pet.

6. Cuddle something furry. If you have another pet, give it some extra cuddle time - even though part of your mind is thinking that this isn't the pet you WANT to cuddle. It's still warm, and furry, and may be very confused and concerned right now. If you don't have another pet, consider cuddling a stuffed animal. Spouses are nice, but you need fur. It sounds strange but at least try it.

7. Avoid irrevocable decisions. Don't do anything you can't undo. For example, if you can't stand the sight of your pet's toys, don't throw them away - put them in a box out of sight.

8. Replace negative imagery. The last moments of your pet's life can become a powerful image, whether you witnessed them or not. If you believe that pets go on to an afterlife, for example, try replacing the image of the "last" moment of your pet's life with the "next" moment: The moment it arrives, healthy and whole, on the other side. If you don't believe in an afterlife, concentrate on the special things you did for your pet to make THIS life a blessing for it.

9. Be honest with yourself. You've been wounded, and you hurt. You're not weak, crazy, or overly sentimental to feel this way. You WILL hurt, and it will take time to heal.

10. Make a decision to work through grief. For some people grief has persisted for years: They are just as upset, just as angry, just as miserable over their loss as they were the day it happened. Such people tend to be consumed with bitterness, obsessing over their loss - and not only do they suffer, but they also bring suffering to everyone around them. You can't control whether or not you grieve. But you can decide whether or not to let that grief control YOU.

Lastly, be sad for those who lives will never be touched by such a wonderful creature. They may never know this feeling. You may not feel like it now, but it is a blessing and you have gained spiritually from it.
Cherish the memories with a warm smile. Smile because you know that pets always feel what you do...make them happy to know you are well.

Grief upon the loss of a pet is a normal response, and a very individual one. For some people, grieving for a pet who has died may be an even more difficult process than grieving for a human loved one. One reason is that the support network of understanding and caring people may be smaller. If a person has lost a human loved one, the friends, family, co-workers, etc., will all be understanding. They may send cards, flowers, and offer food and companionship. This is often not the case when a pet dies.

The death of a pet is difficult enough to bear; in some cases, the whereabouts or cause of death of the pet is unknown. The pet may have run away or been stolen, or, the owner may have needed to surrender the pet to a humane shelter. In these situations, there is seldom any 'closure.' The owner does not know when or if the pet has died, or if lost, whether the pet will ever come back. As a result, when to stop searching and when to start the grieving process are unsure. There may also be additional guilt associated with this type of loss.

Doing something positive during this time of sadness may help the grieving process by celebrating the life of the pet. Activities which may help include:

* Planting flowers or a tree in memory of the pet
* Making a charitable donation or volunteering your time at a local shelter
* Holding a funeral or memorial service
* Placing your pet's nametag on your key ring
* Creating a memorial photo album or scrap book
* Framing a photograph

Do Animals Grieve?

We all know of animals who have stopped eating, playing, or interacting when another pet in the household has died. They are experiencing a loss of their own; plus they often sense the owner's sorrow as well. After a pet dies, we can help the other pets in the household by keeping their routines as unchanged as possible. Increasing their activity through going for walks or playing with toys may be helpful. This will not only benefit your pet, but help you too. If they are acting depressed or are not eating, be careful not to reinforce or reward their behavior. Giving them extra attention or different food when they behave this way may actually cause them to start using those behaviors as ways to obtain more attention or get special treats.


After All, He was Only a Pet?

The death of a pet is never an easy time. Whether it is an older animal, who may have been a part of the family longer than most of the furniture and some of the children, or a pet who has been with you for only a few years, the loss can be truly traumatic. And if the end comes through a conscious decision for euthanasia, other emotions become entangled with the basic sense of loss. Once it's over, you may prefer to think that the experience is behind you. Unfortunately, it is not.

There will be a hole in your household and in your life for a while, and for the first part of that "while" the hole may seem huge. There ARE ways to fill the gap. However, the loss itself is not something you can simply ignore, assuming that your world will adjust itself. Instead, you must deal with that something, just as you would deal with the loss of any other good friend. Yes, it is a different kind of relationship, but to behave otherwise is to try and change your attitude in mid-stride. You cannot expect yourself to think of your pet as a friend and then to dismiss those feelings as disposable because THIS friend happened to be an animal. It is NOT silly to miss your pet, and it is NOT overly sentimental to grieve.

Another difference lies in the always complicated idea of "what happens next". Many people, especially older folks, express a very real concern that they won't see their animals in the next life (whatever that may be) because they have been told that animals have no souls. Maybe you, like me, are a little unsure about what exactly " the next life" holds for any of us. However, if having a soul means being able to feel love and trust and gratitude, then aren't some animals better equipped than a lot of humans?

But still, he was pet and not a person, and that makes it more complicated to sort out exactly what you are supposed to do and feel. Although we recognize the individual personalities in pets, that doesn't mean that they are just little people. The relationship you have with your pet is different from any human relationship you may have. We have the responsibility to care for animals and to learn from them. As we domesticated pets, they became dependent upon us for their needs. Part of caring for them, especially in a technologically advanced society, often means deciding when an animal can no longer live a happy life or even a content one.

When an animal is made a pet by a responsible, caring person, he is being given exactly what he needs and wants: his "creature comforts", companionship, and the opportunity to return the favor through loyalty and affection. Dogs, especially, are naturally eager to please the "leader of the pack", and the owner takes on that role. So the dog is never happier than when he knows that he is pleasing that person. When he is too old or too sick to respond in the way HE thinks he should, he can't understand why and feels the anxiety of failure.

Because their natural life-spans are shorter than ours, we usually outlive our pets. However, the life you shared cannot simply be abandoned. Don't deny yourself the thoughts, memories, and feelings that your pet's life deserves. You may decide to fill the hole with another pet. However, you can never replace the special bond you held with the one who is gone.

Originally Posted by khuang85 (Post 4516886)

Question: Is it pet loss if you helped raise a Yorkie since it was a puppy and the Yorkie was almost like your own and then you HAD to cut off the owner from your life out of a fear for your own safety from the owner?

Originally Posted by ErniesDad (Post 4422553)

I want to tell you about my wife Anna’s care of our agingYorkshire Terrier Ernie. But first, you must understand that Ernie was MYdog. He loved his Daddy. If I was in the pool he was a nervous wreck, following me around the pool deck wherever I swam, barking the whole time. My wife and kids would feign drowning, but his eyes were always locked on me. I was the guy who walked him and roughhoused with him and he loved it.

About a year and a half ago our 15 year old Ernie, had a 2:00 AM “episode” where he jumped off our bed and was running, crying and shooting his rear right leg straight back as he ran. This went on for about two hours and we initially thought it might be a skeletal issue, like when Yorkie knees go out of socket. My wife Anna and my daughter Jennifer were able to soothe him to sleep and when he got up in the morning he seemed OK.

That morning, we called the vet, explained what happened and she asked us how he was doing now. We said he seemed OK and she advised us to just watch him and let her know if it happens again. Over the next six months we noticed Ernie was losing his hearing and eyesight and was beginning to show signs of cognitive dysfunction. Nothing unusual for a 16year old dog we thought. He would walk in a circle from kitchen to dining room, living room, hallway and back to the kitchen. He could do this for hours, if we let him.

About 6 months ago, he had another “episode” of running and kicking his leg backwards, and the vet then told us that the first episode may have been some type of brain injury. We had Ernie checked; blood, urine, skeletal and heart. Everything seemed OK.

Fast forward a few months. Ernie could no longer jump off our bed and our bed was the ONLY place he would sleep. If he awoke from sleep and sat up he would shake his head and jingled his tags. When we heard this, we hadabout 5 seconds to get him off the bed and onto a pee pad or he wet his blankets. He awoke on average three times a night. I got pretty good at crawling on my hands and knees and moving the pee pad to wherever he was circling until he decided to go. He still ate and drank normally, but lost his ability to go outside to do his business. Whereas before he circled through three rooms, he now circled in tight 2 foot circles.

Here is how my wife Anna and the rest of the family cared for our aging son/brother. We blocked the top of the stairs with a 6 inch high plank so that Ernie would not fall down the stairs. Everyone in the family got use to stepping over the plank to go upstairs or downstairs. We would never leave Ernie alone. One of us always had to be home with him. Our daughter Jennifer or son Michael would sometimes come over to give us a break and babysit Ernie.The peeing on the bed? No problem. Anna bought a waterproof mattress pad. Ernie loved to sleep cuddled in this one bedspread, but with the peeing issue, that was a problem. Anna cut the bedspread in half. She would bunch it up and place him comfortably on it. The other half of the bedspread was always washed and ready in case he had an accident. During the day, as he slept, she covered the bed with pee pads in case we did not hear him awake. Before she came up with this solution, she would sometimes be washing the bedding two or three times a day. With this solution, she would need to wash the bedding maybe once every other day. Since his eyesight was poor and he could no longer get off the bed himself, but sometimes fell off, she surrounded the bed with throw pillows and blankets so that if he fell off he would not be hurt. When he would wake up during the night, his routine was pee, drink some water and get put back on the bed and go to sleep. Other times, he would begin howling and circling on the bed refusing to lie down. My wife would interpret this as “he is hungry”, so at 3:30 in the morning she would be in the kitchen warming up chicken in the microwave or frying a cheese steak. She would sit on the floor in the bedroom, and hand feed him and then put him back to bed. Ernie would then sleep.

We asked our new vet if there was something we could give him for his restlessness/pacing and he said we could tryXanex. At first this seemed to work, but not really. We then tried Valium with much the same result, so we stopped giving Ernie either of these. We then tried Anypril, which based on our reading, may have helped him when the original episode occurred, but at this stage it did not.

On April 6, 2014, Ernie had his worst episode. It was our son Alan’s 39th birthday so the whole family was over and we heard howling from the bedroom. Ernie was crying out in pain, howling and kicking that right rear leg out again. He was inconsolable. Once again, I don’t know how she did it but after acouple of hours Anna got him to sleep. He awoke again at 2:00 AM with the same symptoms. Anna and our daughter Jennifer consoled him and eventually fed him a meatball from our son’s favorite birthday dinner! He went to sleep! At 6:00 AM he awoke and we knew it wast ime. We called the vet and asked if he could see Ernie and put him down, as he could no longer live like this.


The vet was so loving and understanding of the significance of our decision. He took Ernie and inserted an IV for the sedative and the final shot and brought him to us wrapped in a rose colored blanket. We each got to hold him and get a last kiss. The vet told us to take as much time as we needed. When we were ready, he asked us if we wanted him to take Ernie in the back to administer the final shot. Anna insisted on holding him as it was administered. Ernie went to sleep and we all cried, just as I am crying as I write this. Ernie’s life was a full 16 years 7 months long.

I always knew I had a wonderful, loving wife, but after seeing her tirelessly and patiently caring for our frail, aging Ernie all these months, I love and respect her more than ever.

Me and Ernie ….. two very lucky guys.

Ernie’s Dad

Originally Posted by keelysantino (Post 4796200)

I am so blessed to have found this website. I have two yorkies 13yrs and 15yrs old. We adopted them when they were 3 & 5. These angels are our family's first dogs. Our 15 year old, Trojan is suffering and we are about to have him put down. I am just devastated. I didn't expect to be in this much pain. I spend all day with them as I am a stay at home Mom. I bring them everywhere with me. We travel with them and rarely ever leave them alone. My 13 year old girl Chanel has been so sad/confused as to why I am giving so much attention to Trojan and that makes it difficult as well. It really helps to read about ways to deal with the loss. I know I will be on this site a lot now that I have found it. Thank you so much. xx