Originally Posted by Txgurl06 (Post 1857707)

hey everyone thanks for all the prayers and thoughts they do help! more than you know!

Its still really hard and I know i still have to get up everyday and go to work but all i think about is him. I keep having moments where i think im okay and god needed him and then i have bad moments where i just cry.

like skoshi wouldnt let kiele play with the toys lol everything she had he wanted and he would take it. He wasnt mean to her just didnt share lol. we always hide to hide his toys too because he wouldnt go to sleep at night he wanted to play all night. I came home from work the other day and seen skoshis toys out and kiele playing with them and i had to step back because his toys made me think about him so much but then i had to realize kiele needs them now and i need to be strong for her.

Or i gave kiele a bath this weekend and i said i need to get more shampoo for them.I had to catch myself. Its so hard.

I do keep wishing i will wake up and it will be that morning again so i can change everything. i know im gonna have guilt just because i struggled with my decision so much in the first place.

or why out of all the dogs and cats that get spayed and neutered why did skoshi have to be one of the ones that die. I know its selfish but we would all think that at this time.

I know i had no way of knowing anything but i never trust anyone with my babies. they werent just my dogs they were my babies. I just never thought i would get him neutered and then i finally got the courage and this happened. Just knowing i couldnt be there to help him or dont know what he was thinking. I dont want to change anyones mind about getting your babies spayed or neutered because that is your personal decision and they all have their pros and cons. Just do lots of research and be sure about ur decision.

Originally Posted by chachi (Post 1848872)

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Originally Posted by Txgurl06 (Post 1857707)

hey everyone thanks for all the prayers and thoughts they do help! more than you know!

Its still really hard and I know i still have to get up everyday and go to work but all i think about is him. I keep having moments where i think im okay and god needed him and then i have bad moments where i just cry.

like skoshi wouldnt let kiele play with the toys lol everything she had he wanted and he would take it. He wasnt mean to her just didnt share lol. we always hide to hide his toys too because he wouldnt go to sleep at night he wanted to play all night. I came home from work the other day and seen skoshis toys out and kiele playing with them and i had to step back because his toys made me think about him so much but then i had to realize kiele needs them now and i need to be strong for her.

Or i gave kiele a bath this weekend and i said i need to get more shampoo for them.I had to catch myself. Its so hard.

I do keep wishing i will wake up and it will be that morning again so i can change everything. i know im gonna have guilt just because i struggled with my decision so much in the first place.

or why out of all the dogs and cats that get spayed and neutered why did skoshi have to be one of the ones that die. I know its selfish but we would all think that at this time.

I know i had no way of knowing anything but i never trust anyone with my babies. they werent just my dogs they were my babies. I just never thought i would get him neutered and then i finally got the courage and this happened. Just knowing i couldnt be there to help him or dont know what he was thinking. I dont want to change anyones mind about getting your babies spayed or neutered because that is your personal decision and they all have their pros and cons. Just do lots of research and be sure about ur decision.

Originally Posted by meglaulanmar (Post 1859278)

Trust is a decision. It is hard, but we all have to trust people with our babies or we can't keep them healthy and it isn't a real healthy attitude to have personally either. I mean I have for kids (skin) and when they are in the hospital I am putting their lives in other people's hands... or when they go to school (tried homeschooling til the 4th was born and just wan't up to schooling the others w/ a baby) I am really scared. I don't trust the school to keep them safe (w/ my heart) but I have to put trust in them (w/ my head) that rationally they won't be one of the ones shot by some freak.... it is hard but it is the sane thing for all of us to do.

I'm sorry for your loss, but maybe you need to go to a pet loss group or somehting..... to help you work on trust issues.... eventually you will have to trust again... you don't want this to make it where you can't get your other dogs properly cared for... you know?

Still praying for you.

Originally Posted by Txgurl06 (Post 1848848)

I finally got the guts to get him neutered since kiele has been in heat. I took him this morning and My mom got a phone call the vet said they lost Skoshi. They said they put in under and made the intial cut and he went into cardiac arrest. He said he did CPR and gave him a shot of some medicine to make his heart start again and it just wouldnt.

I have been going crazy all morning. I screamed when i found out. I was just holding him just a couple hours earlier. I dont know why i did it. I wish I wouldnt have now. He was everything to me. My stepdad even begged me last night not to go through with it and i did. I actually cried the whole way home when i dropped skoshi off. i feel so sick!