Hmmmmm....
 

It was a slow day in heaven so God phoned Satan to see what was going on down there.

"It's slow here, too", said Satan

"Well," God said, "I think a dog show might be fun."

"Sounds good," says Satan, "But why are you calling me? You've got all the dogs up there."

"I know," answered God, "But you've got all the judges."

GREAT POST! I needed to LAUGH!!!!

DOG PROPERTY LAWS

1. If I like it, it's mine.

2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.

7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.

8. If I saw it first, it's mine.

9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

10. If it's broken, it's yours.

Dog Rules:

1. The dog is not allowed in the house.

2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.

3. The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.

4. The dog can get on the old furniture only.

5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.

6. Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.

7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.

8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only.

9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night.

10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.

Top Ten Reasons Why Dogs Are Better Than Men:

10. Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.

9. Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.

8. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.

7. Dogs think you are a culinary genius.

6. You can house train a dog.

5. Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.

4. Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.

3. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

2. Dogs don't care whether or not you shave your legs.

1. Dogs obsess about you as much as you obsess about them.

The Top Ten Reasons Why a Dog Is Better than a Woman:

10. A dog's parents will never visit you.

9. A dog loves you when you leave your clothes on the floor.

8. A dog limits its time in the bathroom to a quick drink.

7. A dog never expects you to telephone.

6. A dog will not get mad at you if you forget its birthday.

5. A dog does not care about the previous dogs in your life.

4. A dog does not get mad at you if you pet another dog.

3. A dog never expects flowers on Valentine's Day.

2. The later you are, the happier a dog is to see you.

...And the number one reason why a dog is better than a woman:

1. A dog does not shop.

Where Dogs Fall Down:

Men only have two feet that track in mud.

Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them around the block.

Men don't eat turds on the sly.

Dogs have dog breath all the time.

It's fun to dry off a wet man.

:yelrotflm :lol tears :lol tears
GREAT POSTS!!!

How Dogs are Better than Men:

Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you're gone.
Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong.
Dogs admit when they're jealous.
Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
Dogs do not play games with you- - except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw.)
You can train a dog.
Dogs are easy to buy for.
The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.(OK, the really worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it and you can kill the one that gives it to you).
Dogs understand what "no" means.
Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

How Dogs and Men are the Same:

Both take up too much space on the bed.

Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.

Both mark their territory.

Neither tells you what's bothering them.

The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.

Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.

Neither does any dishes.

Both fart shamelessly.

Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.

Both like dominance games.

Both are suspicious of the postman.

Neither understands what you see in cats.

I'm laughing so hard Tink is looking at me strangly! This must be laughing night - there are so many funny posts.

thanks for the stress-buster!!

So cute...:p

Dictionary for Dogs

LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.

DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.

SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog s rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times until your person makes you stop.

GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.

BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.

THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.

WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrapper. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home

SOFAS: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.

BATH: This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.

LEAN: Every good dogs's response to the command "Sit !", especially if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.

BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.

GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump doesn't get the attention you require.....especially effective when combined with The Sniff. See above.

LOVE: Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail and give wet kisses.

I am having a bad night tonight, and I never dreamed that my friends on YT would help me make it through the night. When I have a yorkie question, you are always there; when I want to brag about my adorable baby, you are there; when I need to be reminded of how many truley good people there are in the world, you are there; and when my thoughts are so heavy, I want to cry; you are there to make me laugh like a fool. God bless us one and all!!:clapsmile :clapsmile :clapsmile

^5 Sawyers mom, I agree everyone is so wonderful, God bless us all. Hope your night gets better.
These are to funny, I need to print these out to read and laugh at later.:D