Frustrated!!!
 

Hi all, I am extremely frustrated with my MIL. She just moved to SC 3 months ago, she was 7 hours away. Long story short we are the only family she has here and no friends, so I can't not be around her...BUT the struggle is REAL when it comes to her dog and my two. She has a poodle that she feeds anything and everything to, he is a PICKY eater with dog food, so 2-3 times a week she is picking up another bag of kibble of ANY brand. He gets Bologna everyday, sausage, cake batter (when she is baking), bacon, hot dogs, bits of candy bars, ice cream etc. etc. etc. he also has a host of treats of all kinds and chews small rawhide sticks that has dehydrated chicken on it... She does not get why I do not do all this and thinks I am being a snob because I refuse to allow none of what she does. I free feed kibble, and probably 4 times a week I give them either boiled chicken (no salt or seasoning) or I split the small cans or royal canine or wellness wet food. For snacks I occasionally give Cheerios, carrots, sweet peas, green beans. How often do you all give snacks? Do you have any other snack ideas? She makes me feel like an neglectful Mama...I worry about everything that goes in their mouths and keeping them healthy, they are both excellent weights, her poodle (toy breed) is overweight. Again please share the healthy snacks you use and how often you feed snacks? I am trying my best to show her healthy alternatives to Charlie's diet, and I need all the info I can get! Thanks! Btw thanks for letting me rant too, I am very aggravated if it's not obvious!

One of our dogs rarely ever get snacks. He hates and will not touch human food. He does get a few dog biscuits maybe once a week.

Our other dog is in service dog training training, so he gets treats almost day as training tools. As a service dog trainee, Mario never gets human food. He has strict rules he must obey and he must behave a specific way. Yet, he is the happiest dog I know and the best trained in our entire family. We went to a party last night, and 8 adults postponed a game they were playing for 30 minutes simply to watch the playful antics of Mario engaging the four other dogs there into playing with him, even the one that did not want to play ended up playing.

HOWEVER, you need work on becoming secure in your choices and ignore what everyone else does. Your dogs are not comparing notes with other dogs and they are not feeling resentful about treats. If they are healthy and happy, you should be happy. If your routine works for you, then good for you and better for them.

As for your MIL, she has created the environment she can live with which includes a picky eating dog. Likely her feeding habits have a huge contribution to that situation. If you do not want what she has feeding environment wise, and are happy with the environment you already have, sit back and enjoy what you have.

There is no reason to stress over this. Let what she says roll off since you are confident (work on this :) ) with the choices you have made and the outcome those choices have lead to which include happy, healthy, well adjusted dogs

I am very cautious when it comes to food and treats. Max and Teddy probably wish they could adopt themselves out to another home :D, but I worry about making them sick with the wrong foods. I also watch their weight, especially Max's.

Do what you want to do and don't feel pressured. If your dog is around your MIL, supervise closely.

Your list of food and treats is sufficient. :)

Don't feel bad for not serving your furbabies unhealthy treats. Chloe didn't not receive treats at all unless it was scrambled egg or chicken meat. That was it. I was too nervous she get sick if I feed her anything else!

[QUOTE=Mayzoo;4598216]One of our dogs rarely ever get snacks. He hates and will not touch human food. He does get a few dog biscuits maybe once a week.

Our other dog is in service dog training training, so he gets treats almost day as training tools. As a service dog trainee, Mario never gets human food. He has strict rules he must obey and he must behave a specific way. Yet, he is the happiest dog I know and the best trained in our entire family. We went to a party last night, and 8 adults postponed a game they were playing for 30 minutes simply to watch the playful antics of Mario engaging the four other dogs there into playing with him, even the one that did not want to play ended up playing.

HOWEVER, you need work on becoming secure in your choices and ignore what everyone else does. Your dogs are not comparing notes with other dogs and they are not feeling resentful about treats. If they are healthy and happy, you should be happy. If your routine works for you, then good for you and better for them.

As for your MIL, she has created the environment she can live with which is a picky eating dog. Likely her feeding habits have a huge contribution to that situation. If you do not want what she has feeding environment wise, and are happy with the environment you already have, sit back and enjoy what you have.

There is no reason to stress over this. Let what she says roll off since you are confident (work on this :) ) with the choices you have made and the outcome those choices have lead to which include happy, healthy, well adjusted dogs[/QUOTE]
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When I first started reading this response, and got to the part addressing your issues, I rejoiced! Excellent advice!! "She has created the environment she can live with".....SO VERY TRUE!!!!! She is doing what she thinks is best for her baby and she loves doing it for her baby! My mother used to feed her Chihuahua boiled chicken, mixed with rice and green peas or green beans or that veggi medley from a can, pup got cream of wheat for breakfast (or oatmeal) and scrambled eggs, pup got "a bite" of whatever momma or daddy were eating between meals or at bedtime snack, and she was thrilled to be taking care of another living thing that was dependent on her to care for it! That chi never ate one bite of any kind of dog food and it lived to be 12 years old.....when that baby died, momma was lost...she was an "empty nester" and it was traumatic for her....let her take care of her little dog any way that fulfills her....you could encourage more veggies for weight control......it may kill you to see it happening, but you are wasting your time and breath trying to change her....it is creating turmoil and discord, and fortunately she is not living with you or even within easy driving distance, so your exposure to this feeding behavior will be limited!

Thanks for the reply, I know Mario has to be a lot of fun to watch! I am confident in my choices, my first Yorkie had one bout of pancreatitis and was hospitalized, a scary time, and since then I don't play when it comes to their food, not that I fed bad before but was much more lenient than now. Since she is here now and we are together on a daily basis the remarks from her have become sharper and I feel like hitting my head against a wall, I also can't turn my back for she will slip them food..

Thank you, I know exactly about being cautious about their foods, I am super careful! LOL mine probably would love to be adopted out at dinner times haha! I worry as well about making them sick and do not want it to be at my hand that they get sick.

You are right on with feeling pressure, but I won't cave, I can be stubborn as a mule if I must, it just gets old...They are around her daily and I have to watch her like a hawk, I have caught her numerous times and we have had words about it but she thinks she is right and totally disregards what I say- that is the fuel to the fire so to speak:(

We give Bella treats quite a bit. But they are banana chips, baby carrots or her favorite, Fruitables chewy treats. Two calories per treat and she will break down walls to get one.
I would NEVER feed my little girl some of the stuff that your MIL feeds her dog. She may not realize it, but she is taking time off of their life every single time she gives that type of food.

Make a deal with her, you won't feed her dog healthy food if she doesn't feed your dog crap.

I'm being naughty here and sarcastic. Both needs to respect each other's territory which I feel you are more appt to do. I honestly don't know how or if you can get her to respect your opinion.

I like what Yorkiemom1 said so reread her post, she's one smart lady. Me, I'm just starting to be a Yorkie mom.

[quote=Yorkiemom1;4598240]Thank you for replying and sharing about your Momma, my problem is my MIL is here now, she is literally 3 miles down the road, and we are together daily. She does love her baby and think she is doing right, even though the vet told her she had to stop. Her last poodle died too young with diabetes, she gave that one peanuts and Pepsi everyday along with everything else. I know I'm not going to change her, but I worry about Charlie, he is only 4 and I am the one that has to take care of Charlie on days she doesn't feel well, getting him used to my house rules has been hard on the little guy. She also slips my two food all the time, I should have made that clear in my first post, we have had words, she knows how I feel, but she thinks she is right...I am trying to get her to see some sort of light and why before I blow my fuse, I can't continue to let that happen...I am trying to give her many alternatives to Charlie's diet, I am trying to keep healthy stuff here so when he is here I can show her he will eat healthy and to leave sausage, liver pudding ??? And chocolate alone...

I am the same way :) thanks for replying!

:thumbup:I tried my two on bananas, they didn't like them but I think it was more the texture. i haven't thought about dehydrated ones, I may give them a try. When we go to her house it is divide and conquer (no kidding) I head for the kitchen to get all the bowls off the floor and husband is running looking rawhides..if it was in moderation it would be one thing BUT it is not, 3 pieces of Bologna at a time 2-3 pieces of sausage etc...

:thumbup:Lol I seriously may have to try to strike that deal with her! I did re-read, she is one smart lady and I appreciate hers and everyone's suggestions and replies, it does help to vent and get others perspectives!

I am not above lying if it concerns the health of my dogs....tell her your VET has said your yorkie absolutely can not have (fill in the blanks here with what ever you want!), and if your baby does get that food, it will probably cause serious gastric/pancreatic/bowel issues and you dont want your baby to die on you so she is on a strict diet of.....(whatever you want your pup to have!).....VETS ORDERS!!!!

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I hate to lie BUT I am with you when it comes to my babies health. Whatever it takes! This actually could work! Thank you for this suggestion! And while I'm lying I could give her a list of healthy foods per the "vet" haha! If your going to do it do it big! Lol! Thanks again!

If you have a good relationship with your vet odds are he would write out orders not too different from what you are already doing if you explained the situation. That way you are not even lying. What vet wants their patients getting Pepsi, candy bars and chocolate? Can't hurt to ask at your next appt for the dietary restriction list anyhoo :)

That is a good idea, I love our vet and I'm sure she will help me out! Thanks!

Fussy Eater
 

My 2.8 pound Yorkie is so fussy when it comes to food, She will eat people food, peas are her favorite. She picks at her dry food maybe eating 4 kibbles a day. I try to give her wet food but cant find an thing she really likes. Any suggestions?

Hello frustrated Cindy,
I hope that what I write can be of some help for you regarding your MIL. If I understand correctly, she has now moved close by you. Does she live with you? Is she bringing her dogs over to your house and likewise you are taking your dogs to her house?

Interesting enough, MIL's are people too ;) I have also had a very frustrating relationship with my own MIL. A few years ago, when I became a MIL, I was determined to figure out this role and NOT have a similar relationship with my DIL's. What I learned is that you two don't have to be friends. There is respect for her as your husband's mother and grandmother to your children. There is a place for her to be part of their lives. If a MIL has a problem with her DIL, she talks to her son. So if I have a big problem with one of my DIL's, I speak to my son and he can talk to her and vis versa. MIL's are not your mother, you have a mother and as I feel, I don't need another mother. :D

With regards to your pets. MIL gets to do whatever she wants to with her pets. You do not need to change her. You get to do as you like with your pets and MIL does not get to change you. If this is difficult for your MIL to understand, ask your husband to please explain to his mother, that your dogs have special health needs and you have to limit their diet to keep them healthy to avoid liver, eye and skin problems, what ever it may be. Have him let her know that it is annoying to you to have her question how you treat your dogs. Now if MIL appreciates the way you are raising your dogs, than perhaps you will influence her to treat her own pets differently but it is NOT your place to change her. Isn't that a great relief!

I was the first to get a yorkie and my DIL, who I am blessed to have an amazing friendship with(thank you God!) had to have one like me. She wasn't able to afford to buy a puppy from the same breeder as myself and bought one from a friend. I warned her that she needed to feed her dog a special diet etc etc. She hasn't done that and her dog has lots of skin problems. When she asked me what she could do naturally for fleas and the skin rash, she did what I suggested. His fur is ok but if she fed him a better diet, he could look better. See what i mean. I let her know in advance of buying the puppy and then after she decides, it's up to her. She asked for my help and opinion. We aren't guaranteed the opportunity to voice unsolicited advice and we certainly are not given the right to control or burden the other person with what we would do because we feel our way is better.

I am not certain that a "good weight" necessarily means a "healthy dog" so I feed my furry babies based on ingredients, trying to feed them 'clean' and 'natural' nutrition, and I am not very appreciative of having unwanted items fed to them without my permission. I am fortunate that my furry kids do not like most things that 'strangers' try to give them.

I can very much sympathize with you...and since it's your MIL, it is even worse, perhaps. I hope you can come to terms with her and at least get her to respect your wishes for your dogs.

Since it is very difficult to get 'clean' food for humans or pets, perhaps you want to give your MIL the link to the pet food database so she can check out what she is feeding her precious pet...the ingredients/chemicals are the same in people food, although not everything put in dog food shows up in people food...but it might be a place to start her thinking about what that baby is eating. Here is the link from my thread:

DOG FOOD INGREDIENTS: THE FIRST SEARCHABLE LIST!

For sure, try not to become overly emotionally involved in trying to 'change' her views/ways of feeding. I think it will mostly stress you more, and for what reason should you be further stressed? The 'facts' as told by an 'objective source' often speak a language to those close to us that we cannot...LOL

Good luck!

There are others that may have better suggestions than me, but I will tell you what I feed mine. I free feed Royal Canine dry, 3-4 nights a week I will split a can of Royal Canine wet in the little cans or Wellness Petite Entrees, or I will boil some chicken tenders with no seasoning. I do not play the picky game with mine, if they turn their nose up to it and not eat it I do not go scouring for something else. Doing this I have had no problems with their eating or not eating. I stay consistent with their food. I give them cheese, green beans, sweet peas or Cheerios for snacks/treats. Keeping my babies healthy is my biggest priority, I know they are getting quality kibble and healthy foods, they probably get bored with their choices or lack thereof, I had just rather spoil them in other areas like toys and outings:). How old is your baby? What kibble are you feeding? I think I have read where others were having problems with their babies eating the kibble and they would sprinkle Parmesan cheese on top, this may be an idea to help. I would try just a little to begin with though ;)

You have my sympathy having to deal with family feeding something you do not approve. I'm thankful that my family is too scared to feed my doggies anything. We have challenges in other areas, so I understand the frustration.

Also, people at pet stores and other places try to give my dogs treats that I don't allow. I get a little grief when I say my doggies can't have it. I know the people mean well, but thankfully my boys are suspicious of anything a stranger gives them.

Thank you for this link and you kind words. I agree a healthy weight does not mean healthy dog. Absolutely on another source can get through to those close to us better than we can ourselves. :)

First off I am very well aware that MILs are "people too", otherwise I would not be the one that gets her to and from doctors appointments and where she needs to be, in which I am grateful for the opportunity to be able to help her! I cherish her life stories and experiences. Yes we are around each other's dogs daily, and mine do not have health problems, I feed them the way I do to do what I can to prevent health problems! To me that is common sense, to others not so much! You also missed that it is HER unsolicited advice that I am fighting as she thinks it is ridiculous NOT to feed any and everything that falls out of the refrigerator or pantry. And it is also HER that is slipping MY dogs food KNOWING I do not allow it. It is a new situation I find myself in, seeking advice on how to handle it respectfully and also not in trying to "change" her but to show her alternatives for her dog as well, as if he gets sick it will be ME taking care of him...She will be 76 in a couple of months, and I was raised to have respect for ALL my elders! Just because we are having this struggle in no way means that I disrespect her or wish to change WHO she is! BUT when it comes to MY dogs and going against my wishes deliberately I WILL do what it takes to protect them, I am the only voice they have! I have already taken Yorkiemoms advice as of yesterday as far as telling her PER Vet orders that they are not to have this that and the other. If she still continues to "slip" my dogs unhealthy foods I will at that time become much more vocal and I don't need a man (her son, my husband) to do this for me, I'm quite capable.

Thank you so much for feeling my pain! I think that I am going to have to get much more vocal if she does not heed what I told her regarding "per vet orders".
Adjustments are at times a struggle and this is definitely a year of adjustments for us. I already dread the holidays when the whole family will come with her being here now...I will hold my thoughts on that right now;)...

I don't allow pet stores to give treats to mine either and our bank gives treats too...I have one (Holly) that will take anything from anyone but luckily (like you) Presley is more hesitant to take from strangers, I just pray he stays that way! Another thing that grates my nerves is when I have them out is children rush up on their stroller and have hands and arms everywhere without asking permission and the mom is just standing there...I will look at her and say if these were pit bulls do you allow them to rush up to the dogs screaming and squealing??? It is all a matter of one word respect, so many just don't get it...

Well said for you Cindy, it wasn't my intention to set you off even more. Many of my statements were questions as I don't know you, was trying to share what I had learned from my own experiences. I am not confrontational and have no problem having my husband speak up for me. Choose your own battles and if it works for you, good for you. Sorry your MIL is disrespectful to you.