Newbie and Unfortunately, mourning today
 

Hello Everyone. Sorry I never joined this sooner. Never thought i'd need to discuss anything since my beloved yorkie, Phoebe, just two months shy of her 14th birthday was perfection...behavior-wise, in terms of gentle-mannered, never had an accident beyond 4-months old and pretty healthy- until a few months ago. Today, i said goodbye to my best friend, the friend that was here before my 10 and 5 year-old. She was the friend that would make me smile despite what kind of day i was having, she managed to being calmness, happiness and love into my life. This is the story of my love...

In 2000,my other yorkie died at 7 years old...just two months before my wedding. My husband-to-be was not crazy about having a small dog and we should agree on a breed together...although he loved my first yorkie and took care of him in his final days of death. After 10 months of crying and depression, he gave in and we traveled to Hobart Indiana- Glendenings Yorkies---i don't think she breeds anymore to see a new litter of puppies. There she was along with her sister. we made the deposit and came back in June 0f 2001- at the age of 3 months. She was awesome but definitely not an aggressive dog. inside, she was timid, but if you put her in the yard, she wanted to eat and spit those squirrels right up. She lived to see three moves, the birth of two children and some happiness and sadness. i do not lie or over-exaggerate when i say i loved her EQUALLY and never dismissed her even on those busy days with my kids...she got as much attention, if not more. about two years ago, she developed a RAVENOUS appettite. I told her vet and they said she didn't have diabetes or thyroid issues based on her yearly blood panel which I began doing at age 11. I also brought up that she seemed to develop a small potbelly about 15 months ago or more. Again, no reason. just give me the money for the office visit and off you go. In July this past summer, she mysteriously fell off the bad...never in 13 years has this happened. She was shaken up and a tooth was bleeding but i thought this was odd...something made her fall off the bed. five weeks later in late August, she had severe vomiting and diarrhea and was dehydrated and hospitalized for two days. Blood work showed slightly elevated protein, very high potassium and low calcium...their diagnosis- not sure. See the pattern with this vet? we took her home and after a day or two, she bounced back, was running, barking and again eating like she was starving but losing weight here and there.I decided to have her blood drawn again while appearing to be healthy. Blood tests were better than August but potassium was still on the higher side and calcium low. Protein was also improved and closer to the normal range. Vet was stumped again and said if she is acting normal there really wasn't much more to do. its like waiting for the show to drop. and it did on December 9. she was not meeting me at the back door, lethargic and not eating much. Took her back to vet because i noticed small coffee grounds in her urine and a distended belly-more so than her normal pot belly as noticed over a year ago...i was hoping and praying and looking for an answer. Vet gave her a shot of antibiotics and pain meds and said it could be a UTI but did not repeat the blood test. She did slowly regain her strenght and began to eat again, especially fried chicken liver. i actually think that helped rebound her. after five days on the meds, took her back abnd they told me that due to her belly being distended and her lethargy she probably had spleen cancer and i should euthanize her...probably? i paid the bill and walked out. In the meantime, Phoebe got a little of her gusto back and was eating and a bit more active. However, she was no longer wanting to go for walks...maybe the telltale sign of it all. On December 23, my husband suggested i take her to vet that performed her ACL repair when she was 2006. Great idea. I cannot brag enough about Boone Animal Hospital in Western Springs, Illinois (just 20 minutes outside of Chicago). This loving, caring, gentle, young vet came in looked over her records and was so empathetic that i was shocked. she suggested they extract some fluid from her belly as that may tell more of that the issue was and relieve her somewhat. Her first vet recommended we not do that as it would cause more stress. I gave the green light. when she came back she said there was no fluid...i was happy at first only to learn it was a very large liver tumor. upon not finding any fluid, she did a US and did not charge me out of worry. i am so grateful for her! at least not i knew. She recommended that i not euhanize her yet since Phoebe was eating, drinking, relieving herself okay and still quite mobile and that as soon as eating stopped, i would know what to do. Well the eating stopped on the evening of January 1. even her beloved food of scrambled eggs and bacon could not tempt her. her walking became pathetic and she would tumble out her bed to make it to her pee pad...can you believe it? still at this age and condition making it to her pad...she was unbelieveable and a joy. She soon began not sleeping well and pacing and making an inverted V with her body and burying her tiny head into the pillow. She also weighed in on Sunday at 4.7 lbs. yesterday, my husband and i decided that we would allow her to pass with dignity and no more pain. she passed today in my arms at 12:25 - and very quickly. Funny, it went just like tey said it would, she would get there and start having a burst of energy. she was walking better than the past few days, but it was an adreneline walk and she still seemed dazed and agitated. i know i should be happy to have had her for almost 14 years, but a part of me is angry...could this liver have started growing a couple of years ago when her appetite started? Maybe i could have had it removed before it grew so large and took over the liver. maybe i am just angry and need to blame someone. i know that my bestest friend in the entire world has left this world and she took a piece of my heart with her. i would say she was my happy pill...didn't need liquor, food, music, entatainment, i had my Phoebe. she was my love!

Oh, Hun.. My heart just aches for you. I know you are hurting so bad right now. These little ones mean the world to us. I'm so glad you got the joy of having her in your life for 14 years.
It's funny you call her your happy pill... We call our Yorkies our "Yorkie Prozac." I've never heard anyone else say it...
Phoebe sounds like she was pure sunshine. When you feel up to it I think we would love to talk to you about her.
Losing a loved one no matter how big or small or furry hurts. Please don't hesitate to get some grief counseling.
I hope you can find some peace and comfort in these days to come.

I can relate to your story. I'm so sorry for your loss. I am still grieving the loss of my Brandi who died in December 2013. I went through almost the exact same thing you went through with the not know what was wrong. I still can't watch videos of her but it does get better. Now when I think of her I smile instead of cry.

Go ahead and cry as much as you need to. Your little one is there with you and will remain with you until she is sure you will be okay. Just know that you will see her again one day. We are here to support you as much as you need us.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I believe you did all you could and trusted the professional advice you were given. It's clear Phoebe loved you as much as you loved her. The good memories of her will eventually override the grief and you'll get thru this.

Please accept my heartfelt sympathy. I lost my almost 13 yo, beloved, Mini-Schnauzer, Star, on Sept 15, 2012. She was my love. I'm still not sure (even though I took her to the best vets available here & had done so her whole life) what the problem was but I do know that she was suffering badly.

What a brutally heartbreaking story!

I am so very sorry for your tremendous loss. May you soon find the peace Phoebe would want you to have. You love her and she loves you, she wants you happy.

Take care of yourself.

I am so sorry...such heartbreak. You tried so hard...I do wish you had gotten appropriate and timely advice for her care, though. She sounds wonderful. How great to have been able to share life with her. It is such an honor, privilege, and a genuine pleasure to know these treasured ones. Hugs

Thank you to all who have sent their warm thoughts. Luckily, I found a better vet in the end to help me feel better about her finality. Just wonder if I would have known sooner if there was anything that could have slowed the tumor growth. She was a fighter and did not want to give up or in which was apparent after her hospitalization in August. But finally she succumbed and now I start 2015 without my most cherished companion. Heart broken in Chicago.

I can't figure out how to upload her picture in my profile. I think I need some sleep.

Your story just broke my heart. I know that you have come to the right place to help with your grief. Here is the thing about my even commenting on your post.....I hardly EVER look at this section of YorkieTalk because it's just so sad. But when I started reading that you took her to Boone in Western Springs I knew then why I was drawn to I read your post for a reason. I too have gone there and LOVED THEM! You were very lucky to have found a caring vet that was finally able to at least find what was wrong with your precious Phoebe. Great big hugs to you. I am truly sorry.

I can help you add a picture of Phoebe to your avatar as well at this thread to memorialize your precious little girl.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I am sure she will be missed terribly, as she was such a big part of your life.

Many of us share in your grieving, as we too have lost some really special fur kids.

I am so very sorry for your loss! You and she had a special bond that pours through in every word you wrote. I do believe that our dogs wait for us on that *Rainbow Bridge* and she is now watching over you.
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You did all you could for Phoebe. Cancer is a scourge! And unfortunately by the time symptoms become apparent with organ cancer it is usually pretty far advanced. My heart goes out to you and your family on your loss.

I am so sorry for your loss. I can truly feel the love for your baby in the words of your post. Hugs.

My iphone images are too large. If you have any tips that would be great. Thanks for your kindness.

You need to email your iPhone picture to yourself and send it as small. Then you should be able to post your picture

It is a heartbreaking story, as losing an old friend always is but it sure helps to share it, doesn't it? Somehow it helps the loss to share with others who have been through it and love their dogs the way you do. I'm so sorry you lost your precious baby after a long, long life together. Your world has changed forever and adjusting to it without her will take a good, long while and is never easy. I'll be praying that your bad pain will go sooner rather than later and in time life will look happy again but sadly that will take it's own sweet time. R.I.P. sweet Phoebe. And mom, you take care of yourself. We're with you and know and feel your hurt and pain.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

So I uploaded my sweet angel's photo and I can see it in my profile but
how do I get it to appear in the left rail below my user name when posting replays or starting a thread? Duh.

There are some "How to" explanations under the section of All Else. This is from there regarding how to change avatar picture:

The little picture that is posted next to someone's name is called an "avatar"; this is different than the "profile picture" that is posted on your profile page. To upload a picture to use as your avatar, look at the top left hand side of the page, and you will see the words, "User CP,

Click on the words, "User CP" and it will take you to your "control panel" where on the left hand side of the page, you will see such options as "edit avatar" and "edit profile" picture." Click on one of these, and it will give you instructions on how to proceed, and also, the file limits of the pictures.

Oh goodness! I'm so very sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you, but I'm glad your little one is no longer suffering. She sounds like she was quite a gal!

So so sorry to hear of your loss. :(
I downloaded an app called Image Size to my iPad to decrease the size of images to upload on here and it worked well

Sorry again for the loss of your beloved

I am deeply sorry for your loss. I understand how much it hurts, and I care. Your love for Phoebe will always be a part of you since love lasts forever. There is nothing to fully take the pain away, but it will diminish in time.

I lost my last little girl four years ago, a few years after I lost her two sisters. Although Ashley was still an active little girl, she was close to seventeen. I tried reading things that I thought could help with her eventual loss, but I really couldn't prepare myself for losing Ashley. She was our life.

After two very lonely, unhappy years for us, we brought another little girl into our lives. I can't tell you how much joy, love, and laughter Katie has brought into our lives. She helped to heal our broken hearts. I read an article this weekend and the pages and pages of reader responses to that article. It might help you to read them when you are able to emotionally handle it. You will see that there are others who feel like we do about our babies. I attached a link to the article.
On Losing a Dog – Phenomena: Only Human

When I lost Ashley, the following essay helped me cope with her loss. I hope it does the same for you. If there is anything I can do to help, just say the word. If you need help posting Phoebe's photo, I can give you my email address. My heart broke reading about your loss, but I also was able to feel so much of your love.

Living Love
If you ever love an animal, there are three days in your life you will always remember...

The first is a day, blessed with happiness, when you bring home your young new friend. You may have spent weeks deciding on a breed. You may have asked numerous opinions of many vets, or done long research in finding a breeder. Or, perhaps in a fleeting moment, you may have just chosen that silly looking mutt in a shelter--simply because something in its eyes reached your heart. But when you bring that chosen pet home, and watch it explore, and claim its special place in your hall or front room--and when you feel it brush against you for the first time--it instills a feeling of pure love you will carry with you through the many years to come.

The second day will occur eight or nine or ten years later. It will be a day like any other. Routine and unexceptional. But, for a surprising instant, you will look at your long-time friend and see age where you once saw youth. You will see slow deliberate steps where you once saw energy. And you will see sleep where you once saw activity. So you will begin to adjust your friend's diet--and you may add a pill or two to her food. And you may feel a growing fear deep within yourself, which bodes of a coming emptiness. And you will feel this uneasy feeling, on and off, until the third day finally arrives.

And on this day--if your friend and God have not decided for you, then you will be faced with making a decision of your own--on behalf of your lifelong friend, and with the guidance of your own deepest Spirit. But whichever way your friend eventually leaves you---you will feel as alone as a single star in the dark night. If you are wise, you will let the tears flow as freely and as often as they must. And if you are typical, you will find that not many in your circle of family or friends will be able to understand your grief, or comfort you. But if you are true to the love of the pet you cherished through the many joy-filled years, you may find that a soul--a bit smaller in size than your own---seems to walk with you, at times, during the lonely days to come. And at moments when you least expect anything out of the ordinary to happen, you may feel something brush against your leg--very very lightly. And looking down at the place where your dear, perhaps dearest, friend used to lay---you will remember those three significant days. The memory will most likely be painful, and leave an ache in your heart---As time passes the ache will come and go as it has a life of its own. You will both reject it and embrace it, and it may confuse you. If you reject it, it will depress you. If you embrace it, it will deepen you. Either way, it will still be an ache.

But there will be, I assure you, a fourth day when---along with the memory of your pet---and piercing through the heaviness in your heart---there will come a realization that belongs only to you. It will be as unique and strong as our relationship with each animal we have loved, and lost. This realization takes the form of a Living Love---like the heavenly scent of a rose that remains after the petals have wilted, this love will remain and grow--and be there for us to remember. It is a love we have earned. It is the legacy our pets leave us when they go. And it is a gift we may keep with us as long as we live. It is a love which is ours alone. And until we ourselves leave, perhaps to join our beloved pets--it is a love that we will always possess.

~ Written by Martin Scot Kosins ~
Author of "Maya's First Rose"

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby. She had a wonderful loving life with you. God bless the newest Yorkie Angel Phoebe.

My heart goes out to you. May all the memories of the love and fun you shared together mend your heart until you meet and play again.

I am very very sorry for your loss of your beloved Phoebe. May she now RIP without anymore pain. Just cherish the memories of the last 14 years and know that you will see her again as her healthy, perky and loveable self. I lost two of my boys in 2011 and to this day I cannot talk about them without crying, even with my husband. It's always hearkbreaking to lose someone/furbabies that you loved so much. She sounds like she was just a perfect angel!