I am tired.
 

Ok, so I need a little moral support from those who know best how to give it, from those who may have gone through what I am going through just support in general.

Back story: As you know Matise was diagnosed with a liver shunt (early Oct. 05), then he had ameroid constrictor surgery to correct the shunt (Mid Oct 05). Well we had a very stressful time with him pretty much since we had brought him home in Nov. 04. He was sick (vomiting) off and on but it wasn’t attributed to the shunt until Oct. 05. I was always stressed is he ok is he going to get sick worrying for just about every minute of everyday. Then we finally found out what was wrong only to find out it was one of the worst possible things imaginable a liver shunt. All the stress I was experiencing wasn’t even going to compare to what I was about to go through. Within less than a week Matise was diagnosed and had surgery for a liver shunt. Which was followed by special food, meds and restricted activity.

We are now approaching our 3 month after surgery mark and that is also when we have the first post operation bile acid tests. We are hoping they come back good if they don't I will just die. For the last 3 months I have felt as though I was going to have a nervous breakdown at any minute. Let’s start when he came home from surgery. That was Oct. 19, I slept on the floor for 3 weeks during his restricted activity phase. On Oct. 23 we experienced a major hurricane in which we lost power-to my horror because Matise’s medication and food, both had to be refrigerated. We had 2 bags of ice. So we thought we would be good until there was more ice. Boy oh boy were we wrong. 2 days after the storm we sat for 8 hours in a gas line and after that we left for Orlando to a hotel with a mini-fridge for Matise’s medicine and food. We stayed for 3 days. We stocked up ice and supplies before heading back. We were without power for a total of 6 days. Then came another vomiting episode- this time there was blood. So off to the vet again. They deducted that he probably had an esophageal ulcer- probably brought on from all the meds and the location of his shunt. They also said he had acid reflux. Matise with acid reflux- at this point I am the one that should be treated for acid reflux from stress. EVERY SINGLE night since that diagnosis I am up during the middle of the night with Matise. Whether it is to take him outside to pp or give him meds or he woke up with reflux or that he is hungry-I have to feed him so to keep his reflux from acting up.

I haven’t had a moment’s peace in three months I worry about Matise every minute of every day. I am so tired and stressed out. Don’t get me wrong I love Matise more than words can express but I am tired and stressed. I worry every minute of everyday that I am doing all I can and is he ok and hoping that he is getting better. Am I a bad person for feeling this way? I will continue to do absolutely everything in my power to make Matise comfortable and happy but I am so stressed and tired all the time I just want to cry.

It was very hard for me to let Matise into my heart when we first got him because I was still recovering from the loss of my cocker Alex. When I finally let him into my heart he consumed it. I am very bitter against the breeder from which we got Matise. I am not putting all the blame on her because I should have been more educated about the health issues of yorkies but I was naive. We got duped from a very bad lady. But for some reason I know deep down in my heart Matise was meant for me, that there was a reason why our paths crossed if only for him to teach me to love again, if that is all then he succeeded. I just love him so much I want him to be healthy and happy and to be with me as long as possible-is that so selfish?

I just needed to talk with people who would listen and understand. Thank you all for listening.

Oh Kara,

I am so sorry to hear what you and Matise had to go thru and still going thru. He is your baby and I do understand how you feel. You just need to be strong for yourself and for him, too. We are the moms here and what else can we do. I am sorry you got a bad breeder. However, I do believe he come to you for a reason. I hope things would get better soon. Please take care of yourself, too.:)

Kara-
Please stay strong for Matise. You are right about Matise being meant for you, she needs you and you need her. Yorkie hugs and prayers are comng your way.

Oh, bless your heart. Having had yorkies for some years and having loved them with all of my heart, I can say that I understand how you are feeling. The last year plus of Muffin's life was very difficult for her, because of several health issues that came up. Even though I have never dealt with your issue, I do totally understand the stress and the fear that you feel because you want the very best for them and you don't want to do anything to make it worse. You get so tired that you feel you are at the breaking point sometimes and then something happens and makes you think you can see light at the end of the tunnel. I, too, spent quite some time sleeping on the floor with Muffin and I know you don't sleep well and that makes you more tired and more stressed. All I can do is say I totally understand how you are feeling right now, but I wish, too, there was some magic pill that I could offer to make him perfectly healthy and then you could feel like yourself again.

You poor thing! Is there anyone you would trust with him so you could take a night off and sleep? Of course you are scared to death, I don't blame you. But, you are probably right that he was meant to be yours. Our first yorkie, Bandit, died a month after we got him. As horrible as it was, we just knew that we were meant to have him for that one month. He died knowing he was loved.

I'm sure he'll get better soon and you will look back and wonder how you got through this time! My daughter was very high maintenance (still is) for her first year, and I remember that exaughstion. (SP?) I was so tired all of the time. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and I hope things improve very soon!

I am soooo sorry to hear about Matise!! As hard as it is at times, stand strong for him and have faith that he will get better!! You have already been through a lot and I hope that this new year brings you good news...we are always here for you when you need a shoulder to cry on!!

You are right when you say that there was a reason for you to get this baby. He was blessed by being put in your care. it is not every person who would love and care for or have the ability to care for a poor baby with such problems. It is your love and care that you have given him and continue to give him that will see him through. He is so lucky to have you, and you him. Of course it is normal that you are tired and stressed out.....anybody would be. You are one strong lady and your love for this baby will see you through this. Take care, Good Luck and God Bless!

You are a very special person. You have doen everything possible for your baby. You have every right to feel tired and I hope and pray you get good news and you both can get some peace and sleep.

MAtise is truely blessed with a mommy like you. I can't imagine going thru that. Stay strong for Matise and his health will come thru. Sometimes all they need is care and love and I am sure you are providing that and more. You and Matise will be in my thoughts. Good Luck and God Bless!

Kara,
I am so sorry to hear all you are going through with Matisse. Please remember that I am here, if you need me. I am praying that things will soon turn out for the positive, you will see that soon you will be telling us a happy story! We are all here for you.

Thanks.
 

You know the one thing that helps me through this is the fact that Matise is so strong. He is such a little trooper. He looks up at me with those eyes and just begs me to hold him or he just has to be near me. Most of the time he doesn't even act like he is sick. It is almost like they don't know they are. They are just so happy to be with us and make us happy. He is such a wonderful joy in my life. I love him so much. Thanks so much for all your support it really helps me through this difficult time.

You are a wonderful Yorkie Mom.
Matisse knows that! He has just as much love for you
as you do for him. I just love this site, because we are all Yorkie lovers,
and we stick together, good or bad, happy or sad. Matisse is in all of our hearts.
Soak in every kiss, every hug. You both have had a really had time with this. But, one day when you look back, you will look in his eyes and see just how much love is there, and always will be. We wish you the best news for Matisse. And always remember Alex will forever live in your heart. YT hugs are out to you all. Support is something that comes from the heart, and YT has alot of hearts.
We are all here with you. :)

(((((((Alex, Kara, Matisse)))))))

Hang in there Kara!
 

Fatigue has a tendency to make everything look dark and dreary... You will be OK! You just have to make sure your baby is OK, and then life will get better.

I wish you strength, hope, and a peaceful sleep when you can finally get some! Take care of yourself, dear! :animal36

When you go through an illness with them, it sure does create a strong bond between you, doesn't it? :)

Wow!
 

Wow-you are so right. It is indescribable and amazing all at once. It is like another level of awareness-you know when something isn't right or that they need you-wow I never thought about it like that until you said it. wow.

Yep! Muffin got really sick when she was quite young and it happened to me, too. We had one heck of a bond. The bond is amazing. You know when something isn't right, but you really do know what to do that is right for them! :)

Your poor thing, I cannot imagine the stress and strain you are under. I will pray that everything you're going through is going to bring your baby that much closer to the day when he is all better.

Prayers heading from Indiana to the two of you. :thumbup:

You have been through a lot - emotionally and physically (without good sleep, etc.) and you're tired. Hopefully, your little guy's health will improve, and you can get back to a normal life again.

Don't feel guilty. I remember my second child keeping me up night after night after night - and getting a little irritated with that little guy - feeling that way made me feel guilty too. I think we've all been in similar situations.
We get tired and we don't have our usual patience.

Wish I lived near you - I'd take him for a couple days so you could sleep nonstop. Wouldn't that be nice.

I lost one of my dogs and two cats this past year. I still have one dog, got a new bird, and have my new Yorkie --- and, I have found myself worried (more than I should be) about their health or that something might happen to them. Luckily, my are very healthy so my fears are beginning to disappear. But, you're weren't as lucky as I was. I think your losing one pet and then having another that is very sick is an unfortunate thing for you to have to go through.

I wish you and your little pup the best of luck! Keep in touch with us.

Carol Jean

I remember when we had pups, I didn't get hardly any sleep for 6 weeks, then after 6 weeks, I would sleep a few hrs at a time, until they went to their forever homes... I can imagine how tired you are.

Take some time to get a good rest- have someone else watch your yorkie for a night- you need to also take care of you.

I can't imagine all the different emotions you are going through.

but please take care of yourself also.

Matise got so hyper
 

You know after I got off YT last night Matise got so excited and hyper he played and acted silly for like an hour. It was as though all your prayers and thoughts lifted him up. Thank you so much for everything.

Kara, I understand the strain of living with a sick baby. I know you are completely exhausted, both emotionally and physically. The incredible bond that develops, when you must pour so much of yourself into their care in incredible. Is it possible that you could find someone to come into your home and babysit with Matise for a couple of hours and maybe you could go get a massage or something? Maybe even some from here on YT. Good luck, Sweetheart. It sounds like Matise is trying, and is doing the best he can.... they have such strong spirits.

My first Yorkie, Laciebug had a very very rare (so rare in fact that my vet had NEVER EVER seen this condition in a living dog). She was expected to live 3 weeks after the diagnosis, but three years later, my little braveheart Laciebug was still going strong.