How to tell my 3 children that our dog is sick and will no longer be with us??
 

Hi All,
I have other posts about Myles who is 15 yrs old w/ renal failure and has gotten very bad within the past week. I am going to have to put him to rest. How do I tell my children? I would like to bring him home and bury him in our yard

thanks denise

Do you have a grandpa or someone thats passed. Tell your children Myles is going to be with him in heaven. Children find it comforting that there pet is going to be with a loved one

Another thing you can tell them is he went to rainbow bridge a special beautiful place that pets go to when they leave us. One thing you dont want to do is shelter them completely from death. If they need to cry let them cry and grieve then focus on the good memories

Denise I am so sorry about Myles:( On August 1st we had to let our 13 year old Boxer go, it was the hardest thing my husband and I had to do. We told my son (who is almost 5) that Coco went to be with Grandma (my Mom passed away when I was a teenager) and God. We had a discussion about how Coco wasn't feeling well and had troubling walking and we told him she is now running and jumping in Heaven. While I don't think he fully understands I do know it has helped him. He mentioned the other day that Coco was in heaven getting belly rubs from Grandma. I will pray for you and your family during this difficult time. We are here for you.

Another thing that you can do is buy a pet memorial to put someplace special out in your back yard. Toscano has a generic one that is nice but if you google pet memorials there are even ones you can put your pets name and picture on. I plan to do this as a memorial even though I plan to have mine cremated

I am so sorry, I know you are hurting!

Children look at death differently I think. From what I know they want to know they will be ok..let them know it is ok to be sad and to always remember their pet.

You have also received other good advice..

Sending hugs and I hope you keep the good memories for ever

Oh no, I am so sorry to hear you have to make that decision.. I have no advice for you, just wanted to give you a ((hug))

Be factual.
Kids can read through us better than adults.
If you're religious will your religious leader do a ceremony for you? A Catholic preist here goea to ppls homes and does pet funerals for ppl.

I'm direct with my kids heres the diagnosis heres the options and if its his time he will die.

I dont do the they are asleep or anything like that personally I fibd it emotionally and psychologically damaging.

I'd say our dog is sick he has this and then with whatever happens say ge died.

Death is hard pets people but you are setting the stage for how they learn abd deal with it for the rest of their lives.

I beleive honesty is the best policy.

Be factual.
Kids can read through us better than adults.
If you're religious will your religious leader do a ceremony for you? A Catholic preist here goea to ppls homes and does pet funerals for ppl.

I'm direct with my kids heres the diagnosis heres the options and if its his time he will die.

I dont do the they are asleep or anything like that personally I fibd it emotionally and psychologically damaging.

I'd say our dog is sick he has this and then with whatever happens say ge died.

Death is hard pets people but you are setting the stage for how they learn abd deal with it for the rest of their lives.

I beleive honesty is the best policy.

I was just wondering if you tell your kids about Rainbow Bridge? Just curious, not being sarcastic or anything....

When you do have to do this keep posting we are all here for you and we have big shoulders we will cry with you. Just know we are all thinking about you

I feel they need to be a part of it. How old are you kids? When our beloved golden retriever died of cancer, he had no symptoms (only about 2 weeks of symptoms in hindsight) so it was very sudden when he collapsed. Within 2 days, he was on the verge of death. The vet actually came to our house to "help" him pass. My kids were 14 and 16 and had never experienced losing anyone close. In fact, neither had my husband or I. My husband was the only one who couldn't grasp that calling the vet wasn't "killing" him, it was helping him stop suffering as there was no hope of recovery. The kids begged him as they wanted to end our best friend's suffering. They understood better about letting go than my husband did. My husband did come around within a couple hours and we were all with him when he passed. I believe it helped all of them when their grandfather died suddenly a few years later. If you children are old enough to understand, make them a part of losing this important member of their family. It helps them prepare for future grieving and also raises them to understand that our pet are not disposable, they are valued, members of our family and we love them very much.

I don't have any kids right now so I don't have any advise but I just wanted to let you know I am keeping you and your family in my prayers. It is so hard to have to put a loved family member to sleep.

On YT yeah my daughter has seen it I showed her because I thought it was such a nice sentiment.

I am a very different kind of person in many aspects my parents have become reaclamated with the Catholic church my daughter attenda their church and is Catholic.
My son is recently expressed interest in attending a Baptist church so I have taken him there.
I let my children (within my own judgement of reasoning) choose which religion they want to be further exposed to. However I beleive for their overall betterment as members of society they should gain an understanding of multiple religions in the basics of beleif and social cultural impact.

I replaced my daughters first pet about 10 times a beta fish, oh the adventures of going to pet store after pet store to find that specific color marjed fish...until the morning sge found the last one floating...I explained death.

Since weather it ve person or pet I am completely honest with my children about medical issues and dying.
When my daughters dear friend was tragically lost in a car accident my daughter found solice in knowing her friend was Catholic and it was her time to go to heaven.

2 years ago when my grandpa was dying in the hospital he was frank with my children he was being called home and they had the option of attendjng his Baptist wake.

I keep it short and to the point this happened they died.

The after part we discuss openly. I myself have taken more a role in the Native American Church and part of that is the allowance for understanding differing beleif systems.

I was appauled my cousin (when our grandpa died) told his young daughter grandpa george is asleep now and you'll see him later. After the memorial and the Navy ceremony of his ashes spread over the ocean my cousins daughter was confused and vegan having fits vefore bed time...I thought gee no wonder...

We gave seceral lost pets burries in our yard, fish chichilla hamsters a cat...I think having the graves by the roses helped my son especially to understand the concept of death and that the body is left behind. My children took part in all yhe burials

Denise,

I think everyone has given you wonderful suggestions.

And, as I said in my e-mail, explain to your children that they know Myles has been very sick, and he will go to the Rainbow Bridge, or go to Heaven to be with Jesus, and he won't be sick and in pain, any longer.

My heart aches for you.

And it breaks for your children.

(Gentle Hugs)
Sheila

For the OP sorry for the typos my stinking cell phone.

When our cginchilla was pts even though my daughter is almost 6 years older than my son her persobality is very different.

My son at 4 years old went to the vets with me to have Gooby put down. He cried with me and he was told by the vet how as part of having a pet sometimes we have to love them so much we can help them say goodbye.

My son handled it well. We answered all his questions. I went through debating my partening choice to expose him to it the whole time. My son thanked the vet for ending Gooby's tummy ache pain (he had already had one surgery for a turned stomach which twisted again a week after comming home). It was the right choice. I would still not take my daughter at 13 to this type of apointment, she's a strong girl but this is not something she needs to see.

Its so hard being a parent of both skin and furkids.

My heart too really aches for your situation. Its never easy.

I know for myself I want my furbutts to pass at home surrounded by their family. I would find a vet to do it at my home. The vets office always bothers my furbutts. I believe humans and animals should pass at home whenever possible and not in a clinical setting.

There are books you can get from the bookstore or public library to introduce the topic to your kidshttp://childrensbooks.about.com/od/themesubjectbooksby/tp/petdeath.htm

Mine always get a formal funeral in the backyard in their favorite place outside with one of their cherished belongings and a lock of the other furbutts hair placed with them. Lucky is on the hill in my parents backyard so he can watch the sunset as is Zoey. My mom's bichon is in the herb garden which has sun most of the day- He loved to watch the sunset.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I can relate to your Betta fish story. I replaced a hamster to spare my daughter the pain of loss. I finally told her after the second one died that snowflake died and went to heaven and we buried her. She cried and asked questions as that was her first death experience

I dont really have any suggestions to add to all the great ideas you have received...I like the book idea, to get them kind of used to the idea of life, then death....and I have always brought either ashes or the body home, for a burial in the yard.....I think it provides closure to something children may have a hard time understanding where the pet's body actually went....my brothers beagle is buried under a beautiful flower garden, in the yard by a wooden swing we have out there...and I explained to my cousins small children after the "funeral", how they were going to help plant the seeds and bulbs over the area, and how soon, the flowers would all grow into beautiful plants and nurished by Sparkys spirit, and in celebration of his life, they would all bloom gorgeous flowers....we did like I said we would do, we planted small azaleas all around the outline of the flower bed, which is shaped in a teardrop, and we filled in the middle with beautiful asian lillies and yellow mums, and some beautiful little "fairy lillies" or "rain lillies"...they bloom magically everytime it rains.....(here is the lie I inserted in all this) I told the kids when it rained, Sparky thought we were crying over him, missing him, so he sends up all these beautiful little lillies to let us know he is happy and he is alright and he does not want us sad.....the kids asked if we could put a bird bath in the garden so the little birds could sing for Sparky....so we have a bird bath in the middle of all the flowers.......and a memorial stone....

Thank you all for your wonderful suggestions

No I have never heard of the rainbow bridge. I mean I am pretty straight w/ them about death and dying and god and heaven we do talk to them about that We do have family members that have passed

My issue is do I say ok say goodbye to myles before i bring him to the vet or do I just bring him home and after burying him tell the kids he passed away how do i approach it?
they know he is sick they can see how he is plus we have a yorky pup which has had most of the kids attention so i know they have rudy so they will be ok
but i know they will miss him

i will make a special place in the yard for him and get a head stone

thanks i love your support it makes me feel better

I would let them say goodbye

There are a lot of ways to deal with the death of a loved one or pet. I would expect your children already know their beloved friend is not well. In the long run, only you know your children well enough to decide what is best...or right...for them within your family, social, and religious beliefs and structures. I am sorry about the trouble that has befallen you. My deepest sympathies as you embark on this tragic journey. {{{Hugs}}}

I am not certain that it is necessary to provide them with the knowledge that he is being PTS...even though you 'could' say you are or the vet will 'help him cross'...but I think you could just as simply allow them to snuggle him before you simply 'take him to see the doctor again' and simply explain that 'he passed while at the doctor's office' when you bring him home...bypassing the specific technical details as a 'softer' approach for their emotional well being. I really do not believe there is an easy or proper way...I believe it is very individual, but you will want to tailor it to fit your situation. If you think a child would have nightmares because you took your dog to be PTS, then perhaps you'd want to gently sidestep (which you can do without lying...just by leaving out a few specific details) for now so as to avoid that possibility and that harm to the child. {{{Hugs}}}

I think if your vet will cone to your house I would personally perfer that, but as to which children are present thats such a personal choice bases on your acessment of how each child would cope.

Either way I personally would let them know its that time and let then say goodbye.

It isn't going to be easy no matter how you do it.

When my kids were little, I always told them their pup would be going to Heaven to be with Jesus and will be waiting for them there. They agreed that nothing could be better than being with Jesus.

In my prayers,
Louise and Zachary :love:

To this day, I CANNOT be with a furbaby when they are put down. My son did it when he was at home and my husband does it now.

Just can't do it....

Louise and Zachary

Me personally it would depend on their age. This is just me personally as I have had to deal with death since 13 when my Mom passed away. We didn't tell Isaiah to say goodbye to Coco. My niece and nephew who are 16 and 19 did say goodbye and visit with her before we took her to the Vet. When we took Coco Isaiah stayed with his grandparents. We talked to him about it the next day. If he was older we would have done it differently. Everyone does things their way and I don't fault anyone.

Denise,

I think, only you can decide if you let your children say "Good Bye" to Myles.

Since you talk them about God and Heaven, and dying, I think I would tell them that Myles is going to Heaven.

I like the "Rainbow Bridge" poem, however, it is my personal belief, that since God gave us dogs to be our companions, that He must have a place in Heaven for our special companions.

Again, that is only my personal belief.

(((HUGS)))
Sheila

When 2-bits (15 1/2yrs) passed away. My grown children were all given an oppertunity to come visit with him in private,in our home. The teens that still lived here had all been very involved in his care for the last 6 mos to a year and they knew that he wasnt doing well. 2-bits was everyones but he was my two youngests protector,he was only 6mos younger than my youngest and had been here all of her life. These two were given the option to come with us to the vet,they both declined. I made an apt. for 8am,noone was at the vets office and the kids were all still asleep. Gary and I left with 2-bits quietly,we stayed with him until the end. I choose to have our pets cremated, my kids still touch his box and tell him that they miss him. This was just last Feb.
I hope that the perfect way for your family will come to you and that there will be peace for each of you.

Blessings

My heart goes out to you Denise, your family and Myles too. I think you have been given some lovely stories and suggestions. We always bring our babies home to be buried in the pet garden in our yard. We have a stone for each beloved pet. It helps me. Please do what feels right for you and your family.
Hugs, prayers and love, Teresa and the Just right Yorkies