Help-Please tell me if I am wrong to be upset.
 

We are going over to my husband's sister for Christmas day. She has two dogs-a Jack Russell and a Cairn Terrier. We were there for Easter and at that time in addition to her dogs, her son brought his new puppy, a small terrier mixed and her daughter brought her dog, also a small terrier. At that time, my husband's sister asked why we didn't bring Jamie. I replied that Jamie was not totally ready to be brought to a new location but I would bring her when she grows up a little more and is more settled and totally housebroken. All the dogs and children got along fine. (My husband's other sister has 3 small children.)

So with this in mind, now that Jamie is 1 year and 5 months and a good girl, I had planned to bring her for Christmas to my sister's house. I even bought her a new dress to wear. I thought it was appropiate to double-check so I emailed his sister and asked if it was okay that I was bringing Jamie. She replied that since her daughter was bringing her dog-that would make three dogs so four would be too much. (Her son no longer has his dog-long story) She even went as far to say that the other sister's two year old is nervous and cries with her dogs so bringing Jamie would be too much.

I am quite upset mainly since I feel that we are coming from an hour and fifteen minutes away and probably longer with traffic. Her daighter is only 5 minutes away. Maybe she should ask her daughter not to bring her dog. Also my 2 year neice loves our dog and is not nervous around our dog.

I am certainly not going to bring Jamie if she says we can't. I feel like emailing her with my issues but my husband says let it go and either not go at all or just go for a couple of hours. I really don't want to go but that's not fair to our little neices and nephew who are looking forward to their presents so I guess we will just go for a couple of hours.

What would you do? and I'm I wrong to be upset?

I know i would not go at all I would send your husband with the presents (or mail them or drop them off early) and make it very clear why you are not going.
My family knows if Gatsby cant come I don't come I left my mothers wedding reception because my step fathers best friend let his German shepard out after i was promised he would not even be there

Carol, I would be upset too. If it was me, I would go for a little while and then explain that you have to leave because Jamie is home all alone. That way no one can get mad that you didn't go and you nicely get your point across that Jamie is home alone, because she wasn't invited. Don't let them get to you!:)

I think I would let it go, and go enjoy Christmas with your husband's family. As much as we like to anthropomorphize our pets, they don't REALLY know what Christmas means to many of us, and if Jamie is ok alone for a few hours ordinarily, she should be ok on Christmas. I'm not so much on the concept that pets ( or children for that matter) should be included in every occasion. And I would not want a family member's dog added to the mix with all the confusion that holidays include. You SIL is probably trying to come up with a way to uninvite the daughter's dog, too.

I think if I got an ultimatum from someone saying that they wouldn't come if I didn't include their dog, child, or date after I said " no ," my response would be that I would miss them but I understood their position.

If I were in your situation, I would go for a couple of hours, but explain that you cannot attend all day because Jamie cannot be left alone all day. Visit for a short time and then go home. I have been in situations like this before and I understand that you must be hurt, I know I was.

:thumbup: Yes; this is exactly what I would do. Put your hurt aside for a couple of hours so that you don't disappoint your nieces and nephews ~ and go for a couple of hours.

I vote for the go for a couple hours and then leave telling them your reasons. That way your nieces and nephew get the joy of seeing you and you enjoy seeing them open your presents and you make your point about your furbaby. You will not be enjoying yourself as much as you would without Jamie so there is no sense in making yourself anymore miserable than necessary. Your sister-in-law needs to understand that she did indeed hurt your feelings and she did so unnecessarily. Hopefully, your leaving will make that point without having to state it outright and save further damage to family relationships.

Your not attending will just cause animosity all around. Your attending and staying longer than you want to will just make you bitter. Go with your instincts.

I agree with the above. Enjoy your Christmas day with your family. Don't let anything distract you from that. I have only taken Sophia to my in laws house once. It is easier to leave her at home, where I don't have to worry about her every second. It is easier for me to help in the kitchen, or clean up, or visit, or whatever when I don't have her with me. Then, when I get home, I'm all the happier to see her. Christmas is a time for joy...just hate to see anything get in the way of that for you. Good luck and Merry Christmas!:holiday2:

This won't be a popular opinion, but it is HER house and therefore her right to choose who she has there. I understand you being upset at her apparent change of heart, but is it really worth hurting a family relationship over? I would go for awhile, then make your exit early. I wouldn't announce at the beginning of the gathering that I was only staying for a short time because of the dog. No one likes to be put on the spot in their own house. Just make a graceful exit, explaining to anyone who asks that you didn't feel comfortable leaving the dog home alone for so long (IF that's the truth).

Just resolve to hold the next family gathering at your house.

Yes I agree with going for a couple of hours. Family fights start over less. My friend lives about 8 blocks from us and she has told me that her dogs really don't like other dogs so I don't even ask her about bringing Zach and Zoe.

Ditto that if it works with your husband, too. I won't leave mine more than a few hours anyway.

I guess i would email her back saying ... That you respect what she is saying but due to the fact that jamie would be home all day alone... That you are only going to stay a few hours because you need to get back...

I can understand if she didnt want ANY other dogs there... but for her to let other dogs come and not yours.. (after she said it was fine last year).. I guess I would be alittle up set too...

But this is Christmas and it is a time for family and loved ones... Just make Christmas eve and Christmas night special with Jamie... I'm sure that will make you and her very happy

It's ok to be upset. Maybe when you go over on Christmas you could ask for her not to bring her dog next time, so you can show them your dog. Without being rude.

:) loving owner of Vinny :)

The consensus seems to be that we should go for a couple of hours and excuse ourselves saying that we want to get back to our dog. This is the way I was leaning. I think I am also hurt also because this comes on the heels of another event without the dog where my SIL did not make my husband or me feel very welcome. He was more upset than me about the last event-I didn't really think at the time she dissed us on purpose, I just thought she was clueless. Now I am not sure. Anyway it is Christmas and it is time for joy and I will go to the party and have fun with the kids. Then I will go home and have fun with Jamie. Thanks friends. I hope everyone has a great Christmas.

I agree, It's not like your bringing a bull mastiff or anything. That's riduculous. Go for a bit, see your nieces and nephews. Then leave early to be with your baby. It's not fair that your baby is home alone all day.