How to help them grieve?
 

I dont know if this is the right section or not but this is where I am sticking it. This is long but wanted to explain everything.

On Friday, I had to let my 13yr Pom/Chi mix, Charlie, go to his final resting place. Since then Sam (my Yorkie) and Martin (my poodle) have been depressed.

They are not really eating, they drink some, no playing and just kind of lay around.

Sam ALWAYS goes with me, yesterday he wouldn't come near me when I grabbed the car keys. Same with today. I am afraid that he thinks if he leaves with me that he won't come back:(

Sam and Martin are both laying with me but that is the extent of it. Yesterday Sam got into Charlie and Martin's crate (all bedding has been emptied and crate cleaned), he just laid there on the plastic lining.

He goes to certain places where Charlie would lay, sniffs, rolls around then just falls out on his tummy there, all sprawled out with his head down.

It is really breaking my heart because I dont know what to do for them.

My nieces are having a hard time. For the first time EVER my baby wouldnt spend the night with me, its just to soon for her. But at least with them, we can talk about it and I can help them grieve.

I dont know how to help Martin and Sam. Does anyone have any do's or don'ts that they can suggest?

In Feb I went through this when my border collie had to be put down in our home.

Tia was six months old then and even a couple of days before Jessie was put to sleep she wouldn't leave her side. (Jessie had her second stroke) I put a thread on 'Do dogs have a sixth sense.?

The following days were painful for everyone in our house including Tia.
At lunchtimes is usually our play and training times , but she didn't want to know.
It just broke my heart over again thinking that she too is suffering.
Even our walks wern't the same without Jessie.
But there is hope and a know its an old cliche but time is a great healer and your baby will get over it. Show her extra love if thats possible.Sending hugs:hug:

My condolences on the loss of your beloved Charlie. Sending hugs and good wishes to you all.

Thank you, that is what we are trying to do. We snuggle a bit longer than normal and share a few more kisses.

Thank you, that is very sweet.

Mourning
 

You are all probably going to think I am crazy, but when a pet or human dies the existing animals need to smell and spend time with the dead body. They then understand what has happened and no longer look for that member to return to them.

I dont think you are crazy. I never thought about that or heard of it. It kinda makes sense tho.

Twalla, change your routine up. If you go somewhere maybe get the car out of the garage first then come back in the house. Just do things different and they will come around. I mixed things up a little when I lost Angus. Mine all greived but when you change their routine will look at what you are doing. Believe me this worked for me. Did you bring back a blanket with Charlies scent. They need to smell that he is gone and even if you still have the shirt you wore let them smell. Good Luck I know it hurts for them and you. Im so sorry.....

This was exactly what I was going to say. Animals understand death. I am assuming you had to put your dog to sleep at the vet's office and not your home? so they were unable to *say* goodbye to him. I believe your other dogs don't understand why he is no longer there. They will still look for him. Of course, they miss him! As do you I am sure.

I am sorry for your loss. Sending you *hugs* Time will heal your wounds.

I first would like to offer my condolences, RIP Charlie :(


I've only had 1 situation where I've had to deal with a grieving pet, we had 2 labs that were 2 years apart in age. We had to have the older of the 2 put down and the other was so depressed. I think she knew he wasn't coming back because she didn't seem to look for him, but she didn't want to play or anything. She acted that way for a long time, we did get another puppy after a little bit and it took her a while to even get near the new one, honestly she never really got to be very close and we ended up losing her less then a year after him. :(

I am sorry for the loss of your baby. My Pom passed in February and Pixie was extremely attached to her and watched over her. The first week she would look to see if Maya was in my arms every time I came home, she would lay where Maya always laid and was very sad for a couple of weeks. Then she gradually changed into a different dog, she started playing with toys, became more cuddly with me and became very close to Roxie. I just let her grieve and tried not to mention Maya's name because she would get all excited thinking Maya was home.

I did let them smell my shirt, the towels and bed. Sam rolled around on it for a while and whimpered. I will switch up their routines to see if that helps. Thank you.

I didnt do it here bc I didnt want that memory here, it was hard enough there. Hopefully the smelling will help. Thank you

Thank you, I hope so.

Aww Im so sorry. Its the hardest thing.


We have been trying not to say Charlie either. This morning getting back to the work routine, I wasnt even thinking... I walked in the back and said, Come on Charlie lets go potty. :( As soon as I said those words, I felt horrible. Sam and Martin started going in circles, whining and crying then I just sat in the floor and cried. Sam sat in front of the crate barking his head off wanting in it. Finally I got them to stop and we all just crawled back in bed.

I don't have any other advice, but I'm so sorry for your loss of Charlie. I know it has to be hard on the entire family. :(

When my parents had two bullmastiffs, the female passed away in her sleep overnight from bloat. Ugh, I get sick just thinking of it. Both the male (who eventually became my dog) and female slept together in my parent's giant master bathroom, so he was with her when she passed, and he never looked for her. I suppose there must be some truth to animals understanding death. :(

I'm sorry for your loss.

Have you tried sitting down and talking to them and explaining what happened in detail. Have you told them that he is in a better place and doesn't hurt anymore? I have found that if I talk to my dogs like they are human, they tend to understand better. I know that some people think that it's silly, but I have found that it works great. I had a cat put down once, and I explained to everyone, the kids & the dogs, what was going on. Everyone had a rough time for about 2 weeks, and then things seemed to get better. They say that time heals and I truely believe that.

im so sorry for your loss,, your thread just broke my heart..

I am so sorry to hear of your loss of Charlie. My heart and prayers go out to you! RIP sweet Charlie.

I wish I had some advice with your babies, it will probably just take a bit of time, maybe some extra love and hugs will help ease it a little bit.

I'm so sorry about Charlie:( I can tell you from my experience..when Sophie died London was depressed. And sadly she still shows signs of it. I don't think anything will help unless i get another female her size to play with. After her death she slept a lot, didn't eat as much, i had to make her. I made sure to walk her everyday, i take her to meetups, dog parks so she can socialize and that helps but temporarily, then when we get back home she would just be sad again. She was so used to having sophie to play with cause Teddy doesnt play with her like sophie did. Now i take her out a lot more and never leave her alone, i take her bike riding with me, upstate, everywhere and i guess that is helping some. But she has her moments when she looks really sad or looks around as if she expects to see sophie:( The only thing that will help is time and make sure to keep yours busy with playdates.

You're not crazy..but i did that with Sophie's body cause i read about it on here. We brought her body so they can smell it and say goodbye...however it was really weird...idk how they smell after they pass to my dogs but Teddy was really hyper and kept trying to hump her, we had to hold her up high so he couldnt get to her. And London was barking at her and also really hyper. Afterwards she would still look for her so i dont think that helped any.

As with everyone ... I am sorry for your loss

That said, we have to be careful about placing human emotion on animals that we keep as pets
Yes .... dogs do miss their counterparts but are they grieving as we understand what grieving is? Probably not
They just miss the dog that is no longer there
Dogs make connections with each other that we don't really understand
They live and die in small closely knitted groups
and when two or more dogs live and play together for a long time
The dog or dogs left behind don't understand their place in the order of things anymore
and to them that is very upsetting

The other thing you need to be aware of is that dogs are keenly intune to your emotions
They will react to the way your feeling even Before you realize that's the way you were feeling
So if your feeling sad or depressed they are going to def react to that

I am so sorry that Charlie had to be let go. :( I don't have any advice to offer you but I am hoping time will heal your heart. I believe that time will put Sam and Martin back in routine once again. Although my cat had known our late Shih Tzu for about 7.5 years before our dog had left us and she'd curl up to our dog to sleep and to groom her, she adjusted fine. But our situation was different because our cat had gotten used to our dog being back and forth between houses quite often. :crying:

Twalla, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that Sam and Martin will recovery soon.

We actually went through this a year ago when I had to put our 10 yr old Lhasa Poo to sleep. Only it was the cat who was lost without her not another dog. Sassy had never lived with us without Millie and she just kept waiting for her to come home. She would come to the door every time we walked in and look at our feet. One time she even leaned around to look behind us to see if Millie was there. She'd meow and walk the hallway, look on our bed etc. I took all of Millie's stuff away thinking I'd never get another dog. I kept her favorite toy in my dresser drawer. Sassy would sniff where her kennel was and food dishes. She found the kennel in the basement and would sleep on top of it sometimes. In time she came around to her old self again, but like us she needed her time to grieve.

Very sorry to hear of your loss. I hope time helps to heal your sad hearts.

:littleang:littleang RIP Sweet Angel

That's true. I saw is on discovery channel, hippos do it and a couple other animals they named do it as well...so why not dogs?