Tough Subject Sorry so long
 

I dont know how to talk about this but I need to talk about it and I think more people need to know about what is going on.

My 15 year old daughter has a job after school one night a guy she goes to school with called her at work and asked if she could come talk to him about his sisters death. His sister was my daughters friend who was killed in a car crash last summer. She was texting and driving ran off the road and hit a tree. He told her he was having trouble dealing with her death. She tried to get him to wait till her boyfriend got off and talk to him but he wanted to talk to her so she went to meet him and talk. I dont know anyother way to say this but he then raped her. This was 2 months ago and I just found out about it. She said it was just as much her fault cause she went and put herself in that situation. He got mad cause the next day she told him to stay away from her and wouldnt talk to him so he went around telling everyone she slept with him. She lost all her friends and her boyfriend and everyone is calling her a slut. She refuses to go to the police or tell anyone what really went on. I dont know what to do. She has begged me not to say anything. I have told her it wasnt her fault and told her that he will do it to another girl but she doesnt want to do anything.

I have some MO i need to get in the mail and will get it dont today. I am sorry I havent got it done sooner.

I told my daughter that it upset me that she didnt come talk to me sooner. I have no idea what to do at this point.
Any advice would be welcomed!!

i am so sorry this happened to your daughter ,

I am so sorry this happened to your daughter. I agree with you, she really needs to go to the police.

I am so sorry about this, believe me. But I feel compelled to say that everything you say on a chatboard is public and can always be traced back to you some way. This may not be the best way to reach for the help you and your daughter need. This story could affect her in a negative way in her real life down the road. The Internet is a very dangerous place for anything you need to keep private... :(

She is underage-you can go to the police on her behalf. She may need some counselling and could have difficulty in her own relationships. She is not old enough to decide what to do. You could call the guidance counsellor at her school for advice.

This creep might do it to someone else-maybe even her again if he gets a chance.

I am sorry that this happened to your daughter. I would try to find help for her by way of a crisis center. Hopefully they will be able to help her through this and she will figure out how to deal with this on her terms. I agree that she should report this to the police but if this is going to traumatize her more, then maybe the crisis counselor will be able to direct her in how to handle this. Healing prayers to your daughter and you. Hugs.

we are going to go for counselling today. I have talked to the crisis center in our area and they have sent me to this lady. They told me not to push her and that they will help her do the right thing in the right time for her.

She absolutely needs to talk to a rape counselor. She can do this by phone and remain anonymous if she wants to. But keeping it inside will only make the pain grow. It will be harder getting a criminal conviction based on the time lapse, especially in a smaller town, but a counselor can help her with that decision. I would suspect she didn't want to tell you because she respects your opinion and worries that you would be disappointed in her even though she did nothing wrong. But this is something that won't fix itself. At the very least, she needs to see a doctor in case of pregnancy or STDs. Hopefully in time she will see that any friend or boyfriend that doesn't believe her when she says it was rape and not consensual is not worth having in her life.

She has never told anyone it was rape even me. I had to tell her that what he done was rape. I did talk to her and help her understand that she needs to talk to someone today. I also have got her an appt. to see her DR. today.

The way that your daughter is acting, then I believe it would be unwise to force her to deal with the incident. I do a lot of work with victims of sexual assault and the emotional strength that it takes for them to finally open up to an individual is already exhausting so being forced to confront it when she is not ready could create an even more negative impact.

I really wouldn't focus on getting her to go to the police. The reaction of others around her and everyone calling her a "slut" means that it would largely come to a situation of "He-said-She-Said", which carries another can of worms.

She already made the step to come to you and talk to you about it which is a huge step for her and it was in 2 months. Get her to talk to you more and don't focus on the reporting aspect of it at the beginning and get her to understand that it isn't her fault and talk to her about what she feels and what she wants to do.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not force her to do something that she is unwilling to do. She is telling you right now that she does not want to go to the police. I will be completely honest and I have seen it from many different occasions that the police and the experience of it can be liberating for many victims, but it a tough experience and she will need your reassurance during that time but if you force her then she could grow to resent you and lash out.

I know that your first instinct is to get justice, but that justice is never as perfect as you want it to be. Best of luck to you and your daughter.

These are all the reasons we are taking this one day at a time. I do not want to push or rush her into anything. I did not know how to handel it so I called the rape crisis center and they have said everything you have said.
My first thought was to go kill the kid. My second thought was to go tell his parents that there son was using there dead daughter to rape girls. We live in a very small town in the middle of nowhere and trust me it is going to be a she said he said deal.
Like I said we are taking this one day at a time.

Thank you for your info!!!!

I am so sorry. I am glad your daughter finally told you so you can help her heal. I think Hooks_Yorkie has given you so very good advice.

We live in a small town also and I have had a similar situtation happen to us. This 21yr old raped my 14yr old and then started dating my 18yr old. He was a very good looking kid! Very smooth. I liked him a lot!! My daughter went to my nephew and spilled her guts to him. He told his dad (my brother) and It was on! My husband was walking over to the kids' house ready to kill him. He got arrested. When he told the police what was going on they investigated. 5 other girls under 18 were also victims. He now is in Jail. We went to court and he is serving 10yrs. They will release him to another county when he gets out. It has been a hard road for my daughter. Two yrs later she is stronger because of it! We went through lots of counseling. All I can say to you is your daughter will come around. It's embarssing for her to talk about it. Who knows how many girls this kid has already done this to! My prayers and thoughts are with you.

Im so sorry this has happened to your daughter and to you because we hurt for our daughters. Good Luck and God Bless.

How awful!!!! The sad thing about this whole sitation is that the CREEP that did that to her has probably done it to other girls!!! He BELONGS in JAIL!!! However the fact that she doesn't want to report it....you have to respect her decision...but you need to remind her that in NO WAY was she responsible because she responded to his "cries for help"!!!!!! That does NOT give him the right to abuse her!!!

I just hope that someday some girl has the ability to go to the authorities so that monster can be where he belongs!

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter!!!

You're on the right path. And you're right, if you have no evidence, it's a he said / she said case. That's the problem with all the CSI type of shows on now a days, everyone thinks there should be DNA to convict. Which makes it understandable why she just wanted to hide the fact that this happened to her. My heart goes out to her and I'm praying for you both!

I am so sorry Angel. Know that I am always here is you need to talk.

I am so sorry this happened. I agree with alot of the others here.
If she waited 2 months it will be hard to prove,if you have no evidence, it's a he said / she said case.some times even with evidence its still hard to prove. Now if she was under age and him over the age then some thing might be done. but if they are both under age or both over the 18 age their prob wont be much done, just a lot of interviews and more pain for her. I think the law sucks and in cases like this its so wrong that they let many get away with it. I think it would be best to let her talk to someone counseling may be the best thing for her,just to vent and get it off her chest may make her feel a little better. again Im so sorry this happened just be there for her and let her know you are there for her. keeping her in my thoughts and prayers.

First I would like to say my heart goes out to you as a mother of a daughter that has been victimized. Secondly, my heart breaks for your daughter who was only trying to be a good friend. My feelings on this is that
regardless if this happened a couple of months back. It is a crime. It needs to be reported. I am baffled at those saying not to report or not to press her into reporting. If this boy gets away with raping your daughter, how many more girls will he rape because it wasn't reported? Sometimes you have to step up and do what needs to be done to protect the innocent. Too many times girls don't report it and play it off like it isn't as big of a deal or I shouldn't have been in that situation. This gives these little scum bags ammo to do it again. This is a tragic event...one that needs to be reported and prevented from happening again. I do hope that your daughter is seeing a therapist or will in the future.

I do agree with the few saying to report it for her... if she is worried about what others are going to say or do.. this way it takes her out of the loop. Personally, if it were my daughter I think I would be making a visit to the little bastard's house!

I was just thinking, she's 15, how old is he? Can't she get him for statutory rape?

Oh gosh, this is so sad. My heart is breaking for you. I think of my little 4 yr old girl, and how I would feel if this happened to her. I'm so sorry that your daughter was made a victim of such a terrible crime. I hope that justice is served, and this boy gets what's coming to him. What a dispicable human being, to use his dead sister as an excuse to take advantage of an innocent girl. That's SICK! :thumbdown

I will keep your dtr in my prayers.

Just an update to let you all know how things are going.
We went yesterday to the DR and our health DR said she is doing good and he ran some test for us. She was not pregnant so that was a blessing. We wont know about the other test till next week. After that we went to see the counselor and she did great!! She talked and told them everything and they talked to her and helped her understand things better. They recommended I not do anything till she is ready. If I go to the police for her than she will have to go through more than she can handel for now. They did say they could go talk to the police so that they could go talk to this kids parents he is 16. She said there wouldnt be much they could do at this point but if they know what happened then If it it happens again then it will be on file. My DD will go back and talk to them Friday. They are going to keep talking with her till she doesnt want to anymore.

Thank you to everyone for all the pryers we sure need them right now!!

Just a quick update on my DD. We went to the police and she made a statement and LONG story short the kids parents flipped. He is now in a sexoffender treatment center for kids. His parents had no clue and are so sorry for what he has done. My DD is still in counseling and doing GREAT!!! Thank You all for all the prayers.

I am so sorry that this happened to your daughter. I understand how she must be feeling. I was date raped at 15 too! It was a dear childhood friend of mine. Because I didn't tell anyone, I had to drive with him in the car to school. I had to act as if nothing was wrong. That was very difficult.

Three months after it happened, I went to a therapist and he asked if he could tell my mother (who was waiting in the car). I said yes and I was there when he told her. She started crying. It completely broke my heart, but it was so great that she wasn't angry with me. We went to the police and I gave a statement. Months later the case was dropped since we didn't have any concrete evidence.
I went to a rape specialist (therapist) and now I am all better. At 23, I still have loads of trust issues when it comes to men and I plan to go to another therapist to help deal with this.
I don't endorse violence, but I saw this guy at a sport event. He was laughing at me and telling my schoolmates what he had done. I went up to him and told him that I had gone to the police. He laughed at me. Hehe, that is when I punched him. Twice. Hard. On the nose! He started crying!!!! I haven't seen him since.
Turns out, his dad hits his mom so he has no respect for women. But he is freaking scared of me now!!!:D

How sad...2 families hurt. I hope your daughter keeps going to counciling until she understands that it's not her fault & it's not normal & that ALL boys (men)are NOT like that.

Marilize GOOD FOR YOU....you are a good example of a strong woman. I'm proud of you.

I was just reading up on this thread and I have to first say that I feel sad for your daughter for having to carry this burden on her shoulders that was caused by someone she thought she should be able to trust. I'm glad your doing everything you can to help her and just knowing your there and loving her through it all can mean so much. When I read that his parents flipped I have to say I was pretty shocked they did anything about it and weren't just quick to jump and say, "our little boy would never do that". Of course most parents do not ever want to think their kids would do such a thing. I'm glad they didn't go into denial and hopefully their actions will make a difference. Saying prayers for all of you and especially you and your daughter.

First off, I am so sorry that your daughter had to go through this. I am happy that the boys parents are taking this seriuosly and are getting him help before he can hurt someone else. You and your family are in our prayers.

Thanks for the update. I am so glad that the boy is getting treatment and that your daughter is doing so well. No one should have to go through what she has. We continue to pray for her and for you that you can know how best to help her.