[Elisandra]

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:


* 40-ish..................................49.
* Adventurous..........................Slept with everyone.
* Athletic................................No breasts.
* Average looking.....................Moooo.
* Beautiful.............................Pathological liar.
* Emotionally Secure..................On medication.
* Feminist...............................Fat.
* Free Spirit.............................Junkie.
* Friendship first............ ...........Former Slut.
* New-Age..............................Body hair in the wrong places.
* Old-fashioned.......................No B.J.'s
* Open-minded.........................Desperate.
* Outgoing..............................Loud and embarrassing.
* Professional...........................Witch.
* Voluptuous...........................Very fat.
* Large frame...........................Hugely fat.
* Wants soul mate.....................Stalker.

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

* Yes.....................................No
* No......................................Yes
* Maybe.................................No
* We need...............................I want
* I am sorry.............................You'll be sorry
* We need to talk......................You're in trouble
* Sure, go ahead........................You better not
* Do what you want...................You will pay for this later
* I am not upset........................Of course, I am upset, you moron!
* You're attentive tonight............Is sex all you ever think about?




DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

* I am hungry...........................I am hungry
* I am sleepy............................I am sleepy
* I am tired..............................I am tired
* Nice dress..............................Nice cleavage!
* I love you..............................Let's have sex now
* I am bored.............................Do you want to have sex?

* May I have this dance?..................I'd like to have sex with you.

* Can I call you sometime?.............I'd like to have sex with you.

* Do you want to go to a movie?......I'd like to have sex with you.

* Can I take you out to dinner?........I'd like to have sex with you.

* I don't think those shoes go with that outfit..............I'm gay