Will, I want you to know that I completely understand how awful you must feel and I know it is probably difficult for Ella's mommy to forgive and forget. But when I was 11 years old, we had a little parakeet that we'd had for about 7 years. This was a wonderful, intelligent, little bird who moved freely about our house with his wings clipped and performed tricks, sat on our shoulders pecking affectionately at our cheeks, snuggled next to our faces, flew to our dinner table and ate dinner with us (or at least tried), spoke words and phrases and was a real family member. And
I accidently killed it!
Yes, it was
me who was the guilty party. I had never seen my father cry until our little bird was crushed by my carelessness. We all cried for days, me, my sister, my mother and my father.
I had been playing with "Perry" in my room, teaching this incredibly smart little bird more tricks, cuddling with him as I often did with him snuggled next to my face on my pillow. I thought of something I wanted to do and went off to do it, forgetting Perry in the process. Little did I know it would be the last time I would see Perry healthy and alive. The poor little thing flew to the door and tried to peck his way out of the room. Unthinkingly, I ran back into my room, did not see him, ran back out, and crushed our little baby who was in the doorway with the door. I cannot tell you what horror I experienced when the poor little thing, looking up at me with his intelligent little black eye, lying on his little side, gasped, gave one final little peep, and expired. It was a nightmare come true. I collapsed sobbing, barely able to speak enough to tell my family what had happened.
It makes me cry to this day to speak of it and I am 60 years old. Yes, I do not think of it often anymore, and so time has healed the wound to some extent, but I have carried guilt about it all these years.
Believe me, over time, you will come to forget the episode more and more, tho you will never forget your little pet. But someday I will see Perry in heaven as you will see Ella and all will be forgiven as heaven is a place of forgiveness. Remember, you were blessed to have her for a short time and she was taken early because heaven needed to have her back again, and she had finished her mission to touch many lives and leave the challenge for others to forgive. It is your challenge to forgive yourself and Aubrey's to forgive you. Both of you now need to honor her mission by doing your best to learn forgiveness. Be grateful she gave you the opportunity, no matter how hard it seems to do. She loved you enough to sacrifice herself to help you grow. That is what angels do. She was yours and she is with you still, tho you cannot see her physical form. She is with you still and loves you now as much as she did ever.