Timmy - You probably can't help but feel guilty - but you shouldn't.
I am pretty sure that I would feel exactly the same way you do - if your father had been my father.
I had wonderful parents. But nevertheless, I do believe that you don't have to even like a person just because they are your parent.
Sounds to me like you never really even knew your father - but, did know how unkind he was to your mother --and then when he showed up in your life, he didn't really endear himself to you. Rather, he asked for money and criticized you and has given you a lot to worry about.
Then there is the alcoholic problem, and his ruining his own health - and his presently refusing to take whatever medicine he is suppose to take.
You are probably right in thinking that he won't live much longer - which is not your fault at all - and I can understand your trying to figure out what to do as far as a funeral goes.
I think the least expensive thing to do -- which is totally appropriate - is to have your father cremated and then have a memorial service in your home for the family. I can't imagine how or why anyone would critize this. (This is what I have asked my children to do for me. This is what I want (it's even in my will), and any of us could afford a big old expensive funeral - but that is not what I want - and, I told them they can do whatever they want with my ashes...). Sprinkle your father's ashes somewhere that you think is beautiful.
Good luck - and I don't blame you for venting. I wouldn't worry about any relatives - just tell them your plans - and, tell them that if they want to do anything differently - they can do it.
Don't lose any sleep over this..... you sound like a nice girl and a nice family to me. I agree 100% with your thinking and with whatever you decide to do.
Carol Jean |