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Originally Posted by Timmy Sorry guys but I really need to vent...and need some opinions as well.
My biological father has advanced liver disease. Doctors told me about 95% of his liver is not working. We decided the best thing for him and us was admit him into a nursing home because we all work and didn't have the time to care for him 24 hrs a day. This is what my brother and I decided so he's been in this nursing home for about 4 months now. My father has been an alcoholic all his life. He was physically abusive towards my mother so my mother left him when I was about 2 yrs old (when he almost killed her). So my mother came to NJ from Puerto Rico with my 3 brothers and me. She really had a ruff time trying to make ends meet and to top it off my older brother passed away when he was 4 yrs old. When my mom came to NJ my father then disappeared and no one knew where he was at so I never knew my biological dad UNTIL he appeared about 7 yrs ago..I was already 24 yrs old. He came into our lives and as I say for nothing...he was still an alcoholic and he tried to tell me how to live my life..EXCUSE ME as I told him..I'm a grown woman with 2 kids and it was a little too late for him to come into my life and tell me how to live my life..my mother did a excellent job in raising us by herself and I really think that was the best thing she could have done for us because we all turned out to be responsible adults and very family oriented. So he would call me all the time asking for money..I used to always have to go to his house and chase the prostitutes from his freaking house because they would eat his food.
Now the problem we are having is that he is refusing his medication..the one important med his needs to survive which is the one to keep his amonia levels under control. So the doc told us since he doesn't want to take the meds then he only has about 3-6 months to live. I'm just so overwhelmed because I have everyone calling me about him so I can make decisions. I'm just so tired of everything and so sad to say I'm tired of dealing with him. I never bonded with him and never felt that father daughter connection with him...my DAD is my stepfather. I just feel like ppl look at me like I am cold hearted but this is how I feel towards him. I feel like I am obligated to be here for him since I am his daughter but I don't. My brother and I spoke about the funeral arrangments and we are not in a situation to have a funeral..I just bought a house my brother yeah he's a state detective but he's got a family to support as well...and my fathers family think we got money coming out our behinds because of property we own and vehicles we drive..excuse me we work hard for what we have. Anyway back to the funeral thing....we decided we were going to do a direct cremation and if any of his sisters wanted a viewing then they could pay for it...its not like they do anything for him now. I called his sister yesterday and left her a message on whats going on...have you think she's called me...NO! I'm sorry guys..I just noticed how long this is...but I needed to vent.
I also want to know...Am I wrong for feeling this way towards him? Should I be doing more than what I'm doing now. I don't feel that love for a father. I just want to back out of this. |
NO you are not wrong and don't let people lay a guilt trip on you. I was given away for adoption at two weeks old. I grew up knowing my biological mother but not having anything to do with her. I have eleven brothers and sisters. Some I have met and some not. Out of all that I know, I only have one sister that is worth anything. The others asked me for money and etc. I just stopped fooling with them and have lost contact with my sister that I like. Anyway, about ten years ago, one of my half brothers decided we ought to get together. two brothers, my mother and myself are the only ones that were interested. I hadn't seen her since I was eighteen when she tried to take my baby out of my arms and said, "let me hold my grandbaby". i snatched him back and told her she had lost claim to him when she gave me away. At the meeting my brothers arranged, the paper was there and made a big thing out of it. I had agreed only because i wanted some health history since I am older now and have had some problems. All she was interested in talking about was the rough life she had led. (Whore), prostitute and lots of other stuff. i wanted nothing at all to do with her. She did tell me who my real daddy was but he died very young. Wheen she passed, no one called me. I had always intended to go to her funeral to meet the rest of my biological family. I saw it in the paper and called the funeral home and asked to speak to my brother and sister. I cried my eyes out. Not because I felt like I had lost my mother but because my brothers and sisters had lost THEIRS and I knew they were hurt and couldn't help the way they were raised. That was several years ago and I haven't spoke to any of them since but i do think about my sister a lot and might try to connect with her.