I too lost my mother and best friend to cancer 5 years ago(this coming February), she was a young 57 she didn't make it to her 58 which would have been February 21. I guess what makes me the saddest is that she won't see my sons grow up and she never will see my brothers twins he had a year ago, (I am crying my eyes out as I type). She had always been so vibrant, had a full time job, kept busy always doing something and she was a beautiful woman. I admire her so much for keeping a job, home and family going. She suffered with the cancer for 5 years, her first surgery was the day after I had my second son, we were in the hospital at the same time. My parents didn't even tell me she had cancer til after I had the baby, so I wouldn't panic. I seen her go through so much pain and sickness due to the cancer and the treatments, it didn't seem fair. She was always particular about how she looked(she was very beautiful) and she lost her hair, gained weight from the steroids an just became aged looking. I guess you could say all of those 5 years I prepared myself for her dieing, the Drs. didn't give her much of a life expectancy, so when she died, it was the most difficult day I have ever had, but she was so ready to go and was so at peace with it, that it made it easier for me and she was in no more pain. The holidays are the most difficult, we always cooked the meal together, went shopping the next day together, luckily I have my husband and 2 sons or I would be a mess. My father is still here too(he is remarried now), and when he lost her it was so hard to watch him go through that, he didn't leave her side. I am grateful he found a second wife that is wonderful to him(she lost her first husband to cancer) and he is not alone, because he was so lonely when my mom died. Talk to a friend, family or a therapist, I think the more you talk about it the better you will feel. If you have family stick close with them on the holidays, if not be with friends. If I were alone on the holidays, I probably would need a antidepressant, but my family keeps me together. My family and I always remember the good times we had on the holidays with my Mom and it does make me miss her so much, but she is in a better place at peace, and I will see her agian someday. I will keep you in my prayers, I hope you are comforted and that some day your heart will be at peace with this loss you have had. |