This is a subject I'm all too familiar with, as I lost a number of close family members in a short time period. Started with my brother, he was 39. Four years later, my father, then within that year, my only grandmother I ever knew, a favorite aunt, my mother and then finally my 50 year old sister. That was five very close people in less than a year. Needless to say my world was shaken! It has now been just short of 3 years and I still miss them terribly.
I don't know what it will take for you to feel better, except to tell you time does help. It doesn't take away the pain, but the sharp edge of pain is diminished somewhat by time going by. Holidays, birthdays, favorite summertime get togethers, all are still hard to get thru without them. We have tried to start new traditions, but it takes time for them to be considered traditions.
You can tell yourself all of the logical things, like death being a part of life, a natural process, etc. but I know it doesn't help the pain go away. Know what you are experiencing is perfectly normal and to be expected. Some people do need meds to get thru horrible things . I would try other things first though before trying antidepressants. IMO, it is better to face things and deal with them in a more natural way, if at all possible.
I'll be thinking of you and praying for you to be able to get thru the holidays okay. Do reach out to talk to people, that does help.
