[Lou]

I debated long and hard over posting this message but the dream I had last night is literally torturing me. I awoke ready to commit suicide it upset me so much. I love animals and am absolutely crazy about my dogs – especially Adie. With that in mind here is my dream (nightmare.)

I dreamed that I was very fat and I was married to a different man than my actual husband. In this dream we had decided to get rid of a Yorkie puppy (which looked identical to Adie.) Nothing in the setting of this dream was like my real life. We decided that we had to kill this poor little dog and I went about beating on it with a phone book. When that didn’t work I put a pile of books on top of it trying to crush or suffocate it. That didn’t work either so my husband poured lighter fluid on the little head sticking out. (He didn’t light it.) The puppy kept popping its little head up looking at us like nothing was wrong and he/she was waiting for instructions. The next thing I remember is that we decided to keep the puppy and started cleaning it up. That is when I woke up.

I was beside myself! To think that I was even remotely capable of such behavior made me feel like a monster. (The monster is crying her eyes out right now.) Many of you have read posts by me before and you certainly know how devoted I am to my pets. I have always adopted special needs dogs and even adopted a pregnant rat (saved from being snake food) and 7 Anoles that came in from Texas on one of my husband’s trucks on a cold winter day.

The only thing I can figure out is that I have been very upset by some of the abused/neglected threads I have been reading lately and the brain synapses fired away in every direction grabbing a bit from here and a bit from there till it came up with this horrible dream. Also Adie got run over by our shih tzu last night and came away from it limping. (She’s OK and was back running with her a few minutes later – but you know how scary that can be.) I’m almost paranoid about her hurting her legs.

Please tell me that it was just a dream and I’m not a bad person! I can’t seem to convince myself of that. Do you think my theory has merit?
Thank you