That is so strange that you should say you want to talk about your situations but don't . I, for one, have been very curious about your situation. I think if you post your true feelings, you will find others in the same boat. Last year, my husband went in to get a refill on some meds and ended up in the hospital diagnosed with congestive heart failure, 3 aneurysms, etc. etc. We literally spent the whole summer at St. Luke's in Houston. Not our idea of a fun summer vacation. He ended up with 3 tries to correct the aneurysm and still has repairs that need to be made if possible. He had a pacemaker/defibrillator put in and is tired all the time. This all happened right after I retired thinking now we could travel and enjoy some of that saving for retirement we had done our whole life. You feel kind of kicked in the teeth when you did without things your whole life saving for this wonderful retirement that you are now not healthy enough to do.
I kind of have a theory about why we are able to post so openly. We don't tell our friends because we are scared we will scare them away if we get too real with our feelings. This is an anonymous way of spilling our guts and if we don't like the replies, we just don't log on or if we do, we ignore the ones we don't like.
Also, I have a feeling that you are not willing to tell people how you feel because you are trying to be strong for your husband and don't want to appear selfish to others. Hey, if you are not concerned about what comes after, who is going to be?
I don't see it as selfish but wise. Perhaps it would even be irresponsible to not make preparations for your future. I do believe that all of my future is in God's hands and he will take care of me but sometimes, I'd like to see the outcome.
Oops, here I am writing another book.
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Originally Posted by red98vett You guys did a brave thing posting....and hugs to you all -
I have an idea what you're going thru - I used to be very social ...to the point of being always on the go and had tons of friends....But now - I just have a few close friends ...but I just can't talk to them unless it's really trivial stuff...
I guess I don't want to depress THEM so i don't talk about how much my life changed (basically because my husband is so ill) .he's sick to the point of me feeling like I'm on deathwatch now and I know people really don't WANT to hear about that kind of thing - so I try not to talk about it....but some days it really REALLY gets to me.
My way of handling it is leaving the house as much as possible but then - I feel guilty .......When I'm here I want to be out... and when I'm out I feel like I should be home - (plus I miss the girls) so it's a catch 22.
Basically - I don't talk to ANYONE including my family about how bad things are so it just kind of eats me up. The girls are the biggest joy I have and I thank God for them everyday but it WOULD be nice to not be obsessed with my own future....it makes me feel really coldhearted to worry about the 'after he's gone' part of my life...
Being online has been a lifesaver for me - I can honestly say that I've met better people ONLINE than I've met in real life. True friends are very hard to find and after years of having lots of 'friends' now I can count on one hand the real ones....but the online people I've met win hands down as far as trying to be supportive and compassionate. There's so many people i wish I could meet for real - and that's kind of depressing too - why do they all have to be scattered across the country ! lol -
so to you guys who need a shoulder - keep talking online - you'll be surprised at how many really nice people you'll meet and one day who knows - you just may hook up with someone in your own town.....I know that isn't a big help but it's helped me when I get down... |