You guys did a brave thing posting....and hugs to you all -
I have an idea what you're going thru - I used to be very social ...to the point of being always on the go and had tons of friends....But now - I just have a few close friends ...but I just can't talk to them unless it's really trivial stuff...
I guess I don't want to depress THEM so i don't talk about how much my life changed (basically because my husband is so ill) .he's sick to the point of me feeling like I'm on deathwatch now and I know people really don't WANT to hear about that kind of thing - so I try not to talk about it....but some days it really REALLY gets to me.
My way of handling it is leaving the house as much as possible but then - I feel guilty .......When I'm here I want to be out... and when I'm out I feel like I should be home - (plus I miss the girls) so it's a catch 22.
Basically - I don't talk to ANYONE including my family about how bad things are so it just kind of eats me up. The girls are the biggest joy I have and I thank God for them everyday but it WOULD be nice to not be obsessed with my own future....it makes me feel really coldhearted to worry about the 'after he's gone' part of my life...
Being online has been a lifesaver for me - I can honestly say that I've met better people ONLINE than I've met in real life. True friends are very hard to find and after years of having lots of 'friends' now I can count on one hand the real ones....but the online people I've met win hands down as far as trying to be supportive and compassionate. There's so many people i wish I could meet for real - and that's kind of depressing too - why do they all have to be scattered across the country ! lol -
so to you guys who need a shoulder - keep talking online - you'll be surprised at how many really nice people you'll meet and one day who knows - you just may hook up with someone in your own town.....I know that isn't a big help but it's helped me when I get down... |