Darlene, we all handle shock and grief differently. There is no good or bad. Almost 30 years ago I saw my cat get hit by a car. He was trying to get off the road and as I was running to help him, I saw my neighbor purposly cross the road and hit him again. I got there and he was still alive but couldn't move. I was a basket case and my neighbors were kind enough to take him to the vet to be taken out of his pain because I couldn't face doing that. I had another cat that was extremely ill. The vet called, gave me the findings, and not knowing what to do, I asked his opinion. It was to take him away from his pain. I said OK. I was bawling like a baby thru this phone call and when asked if I wanted to be there, again, I couldn't face it. They did assure me he wouldn't know, he was heavily sedated. So they took care of it and my Dad had to pick him up and bury him for me. To this day, I feel guilty and keep thinking "what if". But I don't think I was a bad Mommy. Things happen, and we can't change them, no matter how hard we want to. The only thing we can do is to remember that we loved them as much as we could and did everything in our power to keep them safe and healthy. Everything after that is up to God. You were, still are, and always will be the best Mommy you can to any of God's creatures that you are blessed to call your own. |