It's 2:30am and I can't sleep.
We just took our oldest (8 years old) to the vet today (well...technically yesterday I guess) because he is on heart medication for an enlarged heart and they wanted to check up on him to see how he was handling it.
We were told he now has cataracts developing.
Every single time we take him to the vet there seems to be something wrong. He now has slipped discs...three being in his neck. An enlarged heart. His leg was never the same after he tore his ACL and had the surgery and now he is going to be going blind.
He's only 8 years old. Today I walked in and sat on the couch. The youngest (he is 19 months) jumped up and the oldest (who had no problem jumping up) just stared at me. I started to cry. I reached down, picked him up, and held him in my lap just petting him for a good hour. It sounds morbid but all I could think was how some day I wouldn't be able to do that anymore. I never thought of him dying or anything like that until now when everything seems to be going wrong.
I am terrified he's going to go blind. I ask my friends who have dogs that had cataracts how long it took and they all say it took a few months which just scares me. We can't afford surgery if he needs it. I told my dad he can take my account that has money meant for tuition and pay that way and I would gladly put some of purses onto ebay. The other night my mom was laying with him in bed and we wer talking about how terrible it would be when something happened to him and I had asked that if he continued with his episodes (related to the slipped discs...he walks hunched over, can't hold his neck up, shakes uncontrollably, can't even pick him up when he gets that way, he won't hide...if you do pick him up and lay him down, he will stay the way you laid him down because it hurts him too much to move...and then he gets pain killers in him and he's a whole new doggie lol) did she think he'd be put down and for the first time she was like "i don't know" whereas before it used to be "noooo don't worry about it" That scared the crap out of me and I started to cry.
It's like I am beginning to realize my dog is getting old and that him leaving sooner is becoming a reality. He's 8 years old with these health problems. I was told Yorkies could live till they're 18 and I had always believed that and now I just don't see how that could possibly happen when he's now having all kinds of problem and it just seems to grow.
He's like my child. When something does happen to him I am going to be absolutely devastated. I don't know how I'd get through it. My dogs are like my children and I cannot imagine the pain. When my friend lost her dog I didn't know what to say. I just put myself in her place and wondered what I would want people to say to me...and I realized that there would be nothing anyone could say to me to take away pain like that. I sound absolutely crazy but it's true. It would tear my heart out when something does happen.
Sorry...just venting. I can't sleep. It's silly that something like cataracts has me feeling like this...but it just seems like he keeps having more and more wrong with him and I am beginning to realize he's older now and they don't live forever and that is so upsetting.
anyone else go through this before that can give me advice on how to not think like this and how to not freak out like this? it's exhausting!
sorry
--Sissa